Priority
by jamster4170
Summary: Post-Zebras. "You always put everyone else first, Liv. Who puts you first?" Rated M as of Chapter 10.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is my first foray into fanfic so please let me know what you think!**

 **Disclaimer: Much as I wish I did, I do not own them.**

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It didn't feel real. O'Halloran was young, smart, and had his whole life ahead of him. It hadn't sunk in yet that he was gone. That Stuckey had killed him. Everything about this case was unbelievable. There was a part of Elliot that felt guilty for O'Halloran's death. For the death of Julia Zimmer. For what happened to Liz Donnelly.

"Maybe if he hadn't given Stuckey such a hard time, none of this would have happened. Olivia had known Stuckey couldn't handle it. She treated him like a young child; she was sensitive, forgiving, patient, and she always knew how to talk people down from the ledge. She had done it for him countless times and that night she had done it for Stuckey. She was not afraid, or at least she didn't seem to be. She knew exactly what to do and it amazed Elliot. It was only one of many things that amazed him about her.

Another thing was her laugh. When Olivia laughed, her eyes opened wide for a second before scrunching up, her mouth fell open, and her head threw back, leaving her long and elegant neck on display. Elliot was absolutely mesmerized by the sight of it. He wasn't sure what exactly she was laughing about right now. The whole squad along with Alex and Melinda had gone to a bar around the corner from the 1-6. They were all sharing stories of O'Halloran and everyone was laughing.

The sound of clinking glasses pulled Elliot out of his reverie. "To O'Halloran. Gone way too soon," Fin said.

"To O'Halloran," everyone answered back. Olivia was sitting to him and put her hand over his on the table as she sipped her beer. He looked over at her and then down at their hands, and back up to meet her eyes, with question. She mouthed, _You okay?_

He nodded and she pulled her hand away before anyone noticed. After downing a sip of his beer, Elliot rejoined the conversation, "O'Halloran was good people."

"I know Fin is going to miss his drinking buddy," Alex said, obviously referencing a story Elliot had missed when he was in his own head. "But I am going to miss a CSU tech who actually preserved forensics and made my job a hell of a lot easier."

"Speaking of, I have a bunch of autopsies tomorrow and I have to testify in court bright and early so I better be going," Melinda said, putting her empty glass down in the middle of the table.

"Me too," Alex said.

"Me three," said Olivia, as she started standing up.

"Oh, come on ladies, don't leave just yet. None of you are drunk enough to go home with me," Munch protested.

"Yeah, Liv. What's the rush?" Elliot asked.

"Alright, Stabler. You can have Liv. I'll take Alex and Melinda," said Munch. Elliot shot him a dirty look before turning back to Olivia.

"I'm just ready to go. I'm not rushing. I had three drinks," Olivia responded, slipping her jacket on.

Elliot knew she might not respond favorably, she didn't like his overprotective side that much, but he had to try, "Can I drive you home, then?" He offered her his signature grin, hoping that would seal the deal.

She stopped for a minute and he could tell she was genuinely considering his offer. "Why not?" She shrugged. "Might as well save the cab fare."

Elliot smiled and threw forty bucks down on the table. "You two have a nice night," he winked at Munch and Fin.

As he walked out behind Olivia, he heard Fin grumble, "Man, why you gotta wink like that?"

Out on the street it was cooler than usual for the end of May. Olivia was wearing one of her many black leather jackets. It was the same one she had worn when she saved him from Stuckey just a few nights ago.

"So how are you doing after the other night? Your chest hurt?" She asked him as they fell into step. It was only a little after ten but the city was quiet and he could hear the car unlock from a few yards away.

"I'm alright."

"Yeah, you're so tough. He got you pretty bad, El," she said, ducking into the car. "Luckily I was there to save the day. After I slapped you around, of course."

He would have protested, but then she let out another one of her laughs and he was speechless. It wasn't often that he heard Olivia laugh, given their line of work. Every time she offered one up, he tucked it away for the nights when he lay in bed, remembering the tragedies they saw every day, and struggling to fall asleep.

"You're right, Liv. I'm lucky to have you," he said sincerely. She looked over at him and he saw a smile in her chocolate eyes.

* * *

Elliot invited himself up for one more beer, and after putting up a bit of a fight she acquiesced. He sat down on her couch, thinking about how he couldn't remember the last time he had been there. She handed him a cold Bud Lite and dropped down on the couch next to him.

"So how's little Eli doing?" She asked.

"He's good. Eighteen months, so he is walking like crazy and getting into all kinds of trouble. He's talking, though he's not making much sense. I thought I would be more involved in his life than I was with the other kids, but I don't know. It's definitely better, but I still don't get as much time with him as I'd like. I don't want to miss his life."

"You won't." She tried to assure him, but there was so much she didn't know.

"I don't know, Liv." He dropped his beer down on the table and rested his elbows on his knees, running his face through his hands.

"What is it, El? You can tell me anything," she said and he wondered if it was true. They knew almost everything about each other and yet there was so much they didn't say to one another. But he wasn't going to make the same mistake again. He didn't tell her last time and everything went to shit. They pushed each other away and she left and by the time they were getting back to normal, everything changed once more.

"Kathy and I…." he started. "We're done. I moved out again. We revisited the divorce papers and added Eli to the custody agreement. Should be final in the next few weeks. I'm only gonna get him every other weekend." He couldn't look at her face while she processed his words so he stared at a lamp on the opposite side of the room.

"No." She stood up and started pacing. "There's got to be some way we can fix this. What did you do? Did you forget to call home again when we were out on a case? When you went UC on the Bushido case she was this close to leaving. I begged her to stay and I promised her that your family mattered to you, El."

He took in her words. Normally he would have gotten defensive and even started an argument with her, but he just didn't have the energy right now. Instead he picked up his beer and took a long swig. He could tell his lack of response was agitating Olivia without even looking at her. He could feel her energy.

"Well?" She huffed. "Are you going to say something?"

"Sit with me," he said, finally looking at her. She was so beautiful when she was frustrated, and it was the first time in a long time that he allowed himself to notice. Her hair was long again and he decided he liked it best like this. His hands started to itch and he realized they want to slip through her soft locks. Instead he gripped the neck of his beer tighter.

Olivia had stopped pacing and their eyes met across the room, an entire conversation passing between them. After what seemed like hours but was actually just ninety seconds, Olivia sat back down next to him.

"Can I ask you something, Liv?"

"Only if you tell me what happened between you and Kathy." He had to give it to her. She was nothing if not tenacious.

"Honestly? I love Eli. He is one of the five loves of my life. I wouldn't change a hair on his head. But I never should have gone back to Kathy that night, and if we hadn't conceived Eli, we would have just went through with the divorce. We both knew it was over, but we still gave it our best effort. Ultimately, I realized we both deserve to be happy and that wasn't going to happen if we stayed together."

He heard Olivia take in a few deep breaths and he knew she couldn't believe he was opening up like that. She had probably expected just a few words and the most important points to be glossed over. He had surprised her. That made him smile.

"Okay?" He asked. "I answered your question, now you answer mine." She didn't speak and he took that as permission to ask. "You saw my mom, didn't you? Last year when everything happened with Kathleen, it was you who convinced her to talk to Kathleen, to get her to agree to take her meds. Wasn't it?"

It was now Olivia's turn to look down at her beer and avoid eye contact with Elliot. After a few seconds she stood up and strode over to the window, unlocking it and sliding up about a few inches. She braced her hands on the sill and rested her forehead against the cool glass.

"I'm not upset, Liv. I just need you to confirm what I already know. Just say the words."

"I did. I saw her, El. I'm sorry. I know you didn't want me to but I couldn't think of any other way to help your family," she said into glass.

"You don't have to apologize, Olivia. I want to thank you. You are always fixing my family and I don't know what I would do without you. But you don't have to fix it anymore. It's not your responsibility, it's mine. That's why I didn't tell you about leaving Kathy this time. I don't want you to fix this one, Liv." He stood up and walked over to her. She hadn't yet turned around and he kept half a foot of space between them but by the way she shivered when he got close, he knew that she could feel his breath on the back of her gorgeous neck. He was overcome with the urge to press his lips against the skin at the base of her neck. He fought that urge but he couldn't fight his desire to reach for her.

He wrapped his left arm around hers and tugged, hoping she would help him turn her body to face him. She got the message and turned, but he knew she was cautious. He wanted to ask if he could hug her, but he knew she would say no. So he bypassed her permission and pulled her into his arms. It took her a minute but she lifted her arms from her side and wrapped them around his waist. He buried his nose into the hair that had fascinated him for over ten years and inhaled slowly and deeply. He knew her smell, had sat in the sedan with her for hours on stakeouts with the windows up as the car absorbed the scent of lilies and vanilla, but experiencing it like this had him feeling drunk, even though he had only had two beers.

He sought out her left ear and tilted his head down, whispering, "You always put everyone else first, Liv. Who puts you first?"

She was silent. Elliot knew that no one had ever put Olivia first. Not even her mother. That was the problem. Serena had always put herself first, choosing to wallow in her misery rather than picking up the pieces left behind from her rape and being the mother that Olivia deserved. She would never admit it, but Elliot thought there was a small part of Olivia that blamed herself for her mother's alcoholism. That believed that if she could just be better, her mother wouldn't need to drink. He hated Serena for making her incredible daughter so insecure and closed off.

"Well, I am going to start. Okay?"

In the crook of his neck, he could feel her gently nod her head.

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 **AN: Plenty more to come on this one...**

Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I tried to upload this chapter yesterday, but I guess the site was having some issues. Anyway, so glad that this story seems to be getting a positive reception. I'm pouring my heart into it and I hope you guys like it. It's going to be a bit of a slow burn, but I promise it's coming.**

 **I still own nothing.**

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 _Can I come over?_

The text from Elliot came in a little before midnight. It had been a long few days and she knew Elliot had taken everything that happened with Victor Tate and Katie Harris very hard. It was Friday night and they had the rest of the weekend off so she responded, _Of course._

After closing out the text she called the Chinese place that Elliot loved and ordered enough food for the two of them. She figured he probably hadn't eaten and though she had already had dinner, she still had room in her stomach for more. She busied herself tidying up the apartment and briefly wondered if she should change from her black leggings and maroon camisole into something more professional. Screw it, she decided. It was late and she was in her own home. She wanted to be comfortable.

About a half hour later she was paying the Chinese delivery guy when her buzzer rang once more. It was Elliot. He always buzzed once quickly, then buzzed a second time and held it for three seconds. She let him up and closed the door to put the food down on the coffee table and pour two glasses of wine.

Elliot knocked and she found herself stealing a quick glance in the mirror and rubbing away eyeliner that had smudged underneath her eyes before opening the door to see her distraught partner. Instead of his usual suit and tie, he was wearing jeans and a tight white t-shirt with a gray zippered hoodie over it. She recognized it as the one he wore that night they sat on his porch after she got back from Oregon. That night she had admitted he was the longest relationship she had ever had with a man.

Before she could invite him in, he spoke, "Twenty five years, Olivia. Victor Tate is going to sit in prison for twenty five years for a crime he didn't commit because I fucked up."

"Come in, Elliot," she said, gesturing into the apartment. He took a step in and she closed the door behind him. She grabbed his hand and guided him to the couch. "I want to say that it's not your fault, but I know that won't help. But it really isn't, Elliot. You had what you thought was strong evidence at the time. She ID'ed him. His alibi was shaky. It wasn't just you. There was a trial. Twelve jurors found him guilty. This was not and is not all on you."

"Goddamit! Why did Foster have to jump. Why didn't Kendall stop him? And what's with Paxton. 'Unless you know the governor?' What the fuck was that? There's gotta be something we can do. We have to get him out."

Olivia walked over to the kitchen counter and grabbed the two wine glasses, bringing them back to the couch and handing one to Elliot. She took a small sip from her glass and placed her hand on Elliot's knee. "El," she began. "I know that you feel guilty. But you need to accept that there might not be anything we can do. It's like Sonya said, it's hearsay. Without Foster's testimony there is no way, legally, to get Tate out."

"I cant let an innocent man live behind bars for another fifteen years, Liv. I cant." He downed his wine in one large gulp. Olivia reached over and took the glass from his hand, placing it on the coffee table and pulling over the bag of Chinese food.

"Why don't you have something to eat, El? I got your favorite. Chicken and broccoli. You can even have the eggrolls," she said, the corners of her mouth tugging up into a small smile.

"Wow, I must really be one sorry son of a bitch if you're giving me all the eggrolls," He joked.

"I mean if you don't want them, I'd be happy to take them off your hands," she smirked.

"No, no. I didn't say that." He reached for the small plastic bag and plucked one eggroll out, stuffing it almost entirely in his mouth.

"So what do you think about Paxton?" She asked as she picked up some lo mein using her chopsticks adeptly.

"She's a bitch," Elliot answered with eggroll still in his mouth.

"She's no Cabot, that's for sure."

"Alex never would have let this happen. Foster wouldn't have gotten out on bail. That girl wouldn't have died. And Victor Tate would be getting out of prison."

"You don't know that, El. I think Sonya did the best she could. It was a difficult situation. Only Foster is to blame. That's it. No one else."

Elliot looked up from his chicken at Olivia. He was noticing more and more how beautiful she was. Her hair fell gently on her strong shoulders, which were bare except for the thin, maroon straps that held up her camisole. His eyes moved down her tight, toned arms and back up to her chest. Not her breasts. He wouldn't dare look at them because he knew the effect it would have on him. Instead he looked at the two, layered gold necklaces she wore every day. The top one read _Fearlessness_. Elliot knew Olivia couldn't be fearless, every one was afraid of something, but he couldn't think of anything. She was so brave and headstrong. He realized he had been staring for a bit longer than he probably should have and so he spoke, "I'm an asshole. God, look at me. I'm supposed to be putting you first and here I am unloading all my crap on to you. You should just kick me out."

"Then who would help me eat all this food?" she asked, moving to the end of the couch. She rested her back against the arm of the couch and lifted her legs, placing her bare feet in his lap. "You want to put me first? Rub my feet for me while you talk." She continued eating, but Elliot put his take out container down on the coffee table before wrapping his large hands around her feet.

"And what the fuck was up with Kendall? He had no idea how to talk to the victim, he hit Foster with his car, and he slapped around Foster's ex. Who knows? He probably threw Foster out the window too."

Olivia let out a low moan when he hit a sweet spot on the arch of her foot before addressing his last statement. "I don't think he tossed Foster, El. Kendall was wrong about a lot of stuff. He acted unprofessionally, but he's messed up. We talked when we tracked down that pimp looking for Beverly Neal. His daughter died when his ex got involved with a meth dealer. Blew them up. It doesn't take a genius to figure out why he's completely out of control."

"Shit," Elliot said. He pulled one hand off her feet and reached for his phone in the pocket of his hoodie. She saw him start typing with his left hand while his right continued manipulating her feet.

"What are you doing?" Olivia asked.

"Texting my kids. I want to take them out to dinner tomorrow."

Olivia nodded to herself, "I think that's a good idea. It will be good for you to see them."

Elliot looked over at her, "Do you wanna come, Liv?" She could hear in his voice that he was genuinely asking, not just because she didn't have anyone to go out to dinner with. There was no one for her to pull closer after hearing about Kendall's daughter.

"Thanks but no thanks, El. They are your kids. You need time with them. I don't want to get in the way."

"You wouldn't be, Olivia."

"I appreciate the offer, I really do. You go. Maybe some other time, though. I would love to see the kids," she smiled to soften her rejection.

"Definitely some other time, okay?" Olivia nodded.

They made small talk for a little while as they finished up the food until Olivia leaned her head back and yawned.

"Am I keeping you up?" Elliot asked.

Olivia looked across the room at the clock and saw it was almost 2 A.M.

"No," she answered, though her eyelids were becoming pretty heavy. But she didn't want Elliot to go.

"Yes, I am. I better get going," he said, lifting her calves from his lap and placing them down on the couch while he stood up. Olivia stood as well and walked him to the door.

"Enjoy your weekend off, El. Try not to beat yourself up too much. You're a great cop," Olivia said. "Have fun with your kids and I'll see you Monday."

Elliot pulled Olivia in for a hug and rested his mouth against he forehead. "Goodnight, Liv," he whispered before pressing his lips to her smooth skin in a kiss. He pulled away and was out the door before she could register what he had done. She closed the door behind him and put her fingers to her forehead. Her stomach was doing somersaults and she wasn't sure how to react to her partner's lips on her. It wasn't until she felt her cheekbones start to protest that she realized she was smiling.

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 **Pretty, pretty please review. Support, suggestions, anything!**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Chapter 3! Underlined text is directly from the show. Liv and El are going to continue to get closer, I promise.**

 **I have one more chapter pre-written and then updates will come a little bit further apart.**

 **I own absolutely zero.**

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Another few weeks had gone by since that night in Olivia's apartment and work had kept her and Elliot pretty busy. They had done one pizza and movie night at her place – he had brought the movie so she got stuck watching Die Hard for the third time – and it had been nice. She was really enjoying spending time with Elliot outside of work. Right now they were working on the case of Emily Keefe, a young woman who was stuffed naked in a suitcase and tossed off a train. As it turned out Emily was a member of Tasty Sugar, a 'dating' website that for attractive, young women and older, wealthy men. On Emily's webpage, they found out about her friend, another Tasty Sugar member, Pamela.

"Okay, so she has a cute friend," Olivia said.

"So she can give us answers faster than we can get a warrant," Elliot explained.

"What are you suggesting, El?"

"Why don't I make up a profile and see if Pamela wants to meet for a date?"

She didn't know why, but her first instinct was to say no. The thought of Elliot spending time with the busty, young blonde when he was newly single didn't sit right with her. But they had done stunts like this one thousands of times, she had even played the bait for rapists, which she knew made Elliot furious, so she agreed.

* * *

It wasn't that Pamela wasn't attractive. He recognized that empirically, she was. But Elliot didn't find himself attracted to her.

"Can you tell I have expensive taste?" she asked as he poured champagne into the two flutes in the middle of the small table.

"Can you tell that I have a weakness for beautiful women? It sounds like a win-win to me."

She laughed, "I should also mention $5,000 is my absolute bare minimum."

"Minimum?" 

"Allowance. Per month."

"You move quickly."

"When I like what I see."

"Oh! And when we travel, I always fly first class."

"You make it sound like a business arrangement." He wondered how this sort of setup could appeal to any man. Didn't they see that the women were just after their money? Did they not care?

Pamela must have picked up on his hesitancy. "Oh, my God. Is this your first date?" He smiled shyly. "This is so awesome. My last daddy was a virgin, too."

"Daddy?"

"Sugar daddy. I'm gonna be your sugar baby." He looked away for a second and wondered briefly if Maureen – or, dear God, Kathleen – had ever done this before. He knew they didn't have a lot of money, but he had always tried to provide for his kids the best he could. He hoped they had never resorted to selling their bodies through this form of higher-class prostitution.

"Okay, I need a charge card from Barneys. And I can do getaways on any weekend but the last of the month. That's when my boyfriend's band plays at Rebar, and I never miss a show."

"You have a boyfriend."

"Well, he's more like a fiancé."

"Does he know that you're doing this?" Who the fuck would let their fiancé sleep with other men for money? Even after over a decade working sex crimes he was still baffled by the kinds of arrangements people were a part of. Didn't anyone just want to be in love and monogamous?

"Of course."

"But don't worry, Daddy." She reached for his face and rubbed her hand along his cheek and down his jaw. He had to resist the urge to pull away. She wasn't the one whose hands he wanted on him. "You spoil me, and I'll spoil you. All. Night. Long."

"Oh, yeah," he said, grinning as if he was actually turned on by the implication of her words. It was time to turn the conversation to Emily. "Let's say I want to introduce another person into this little arrangement of ours. I saw that you had a BFF, uh, Emily?"

"Oh, you're dirty, too? That will cost you an Amex. And it will have to be another BFF, because Emily's an idiot."

"Why do you say that?" Now that they were discussing the case, Elliot felt a little more comfortable.

"She fell in love. She and I totally used to party, but then she met this guy. On a double date with me, in fact."

"Oh! You recall his name?" He didn't want to seem too interested.

"No, but I took a ton of pictures that night. He was hot. He was all over Emily. Kept saying he was so happy with their date, he was going to buy Tasty Sugar. Here he is." She found a picture on her phone and handed it to him.

"Vance Shepherd."

Now that he had what he wanted, he hoped they could finish up this date quickly. He would drop Pamela back home and make up some excuse for why things wouldn't work out between them. He felt her hand making its way up his thigh and reached for it to pull it away. Then he had to hold it, so as not to draw any suspicion. He thought once more about hands and how Pamela's wasn't the one he wanted to hold.

* * *

A couple of days went by and Vance had become the prime suspect. Sonya had tried to crack Lysette, Vance's secretary and alibi, but she hadn't buckled under the pressure. So Elliot and Olivia were stuck going through security footage from Grand Central, looking for Vance.

"Could Grand Central have more security cameras?" Olivia asked, dropping an overflowing box on her desk.

"Yeah, I'm gonna call Kathy and tell her I wont be coming home anytime soon." The twins were supposed to come over to his place tonight for dinner and he felt bad that he would have to let them down. He would much rather be with his kids than sitting in the precinct, watching hours upon hours of footage. At least Olivia would be by his side all night.

"I'll make us a pot of coffee," she offered.

Lysette walked in just then and shattered Vance's alibi into a million pieces. He had gotten to her apartment later than he had said and gave her a bloody shirt to get dry cleaned. They arrested Vance and he confessed, but as it turned out, it was his daughter who killed Emily. She was jealous that Vance cared more about his girlfriend than her. He tried to take the blame for his daughter and in the end she killed him, stabbing him in the neck with a pair of scissors in the middle of the precinct.

* * *

Elliot had rescheduled dinner with the twins to that night and he wasn't about to cancel on them once again, even if he wasn't feeling up to it after watching Vance bleed out. Dinner was at Elliot's new place and he ordered burgers and fries from the diner around the corner for him and Dick, as he preferred to be called now, and an eggplant wrap for Lizzie, still going by her childhood nickname, who had been a vegetarian for the last few years.

"Is everything alright, Dad?" Lizzie asked. "You seem kind of out of it."

"Yeah, Dad. You didn't say anything when I mentioned maybe getting a tattoo," Dick said.

"Just a rough case, guys. I'm sorry if I'm not as engaged as I want to be," Elliot apologized.

"How are you doing since the split from Mom?" Lizzie asked. "Are you taking care of yourself?"

"Yeah, baby. I am. I'm okay. How are you guys doing with the divorce? You know your mom and I still love each other very much, we just aren't in love anymore. The one thing that will always bind us together is you kids and we want you to be okay."

"We're okay, Dad. This isn't new. You and mom were separated before, you know," Dick said flippantly.

"I think what Dickwad is trying to say," Lizzie said, "is that we went through this all before so it wasn't devastating this time. We just want you and mom to be happy."

It amazed Elliot how resilient his kids were. He must have done something right in his life to have the five of them. He wasn't a very emotional guy, but he was so overwhelmed with love for his kids in that moment that he could feel his eyes water.

They were all finishing up their meals when there was a knock on the door. Elliot stood up and wiped his greasy hands on a crumpled napkin before opening it to reveal Olivia, holding a six-pack.

"I figured after today we could really use a drink," she said. He was glad to see Olivia, but looked over his shoulder at his kids who were watching for his response. Olivia followed his line of sight to the twins. "Crap! I didn't know you had the kids over. Hi, Dick, Lizzie. I'll just go," she said, pointing down the hallway.

Lizzie stood up and walked over to the door. "Olivia, please, come in," She gestured into the apartment. "Dad, move to let her in." Elliot took a step back allowing space for Olivia to slip between him and the doorframe. "Dick and I were just finishing dinner and then we are going to head back to Queens."

"I really didn't mean to interrupt," Olivia said cautiously.

"Nonsense," Lizzie answered.

"Yeah, Liv," Dick said, looking up from his burger. "Dad is having a rough day, as I'm sure you know, so he will need someone to keep him company when we ditch his ass."

"Language," Elliot warned. "But seriously, Liv, sit down. You want some of my fries?"

"No thanks, El. I ate," she smiled. "I just need a drink." She twisted the top off her beer and sat at the dining room table with the three Stablers. This was what Elliot needed after today. Not only would he take a bullet for the three people at the table with him, but he would also shoulder the blame for any of their crimes, just the way Vance had for his daughter.

Liv asked the kids how their year at school had been, at sixteen they had just finished their sophomore years, and what they were doing with their summers. About fifteen minutes later, Elliot was hugging his kids goodbye and they waved to Olivia as they walked out. "Take care of our dad, Liv," Lizzie called out just before the door closed behind her.

"It was good to see them," Olivia said, moving from the table to the couch. She put her feet up on the coffee table and sipped her beer. "So you never did tell me how your date went with Pamela." She played it off as a joke, but the whole time he was on the "date" there was a knot in her stomach. Elliot was nothing if not professional, yet she still couldn't help her unease.

Elliot chuckled, "Don't remind me. Even if I could afford to be someone's sugar daddy, I would never want that kind of arrangement. How ridiculous." He sat down next to her.

They had said more in the last month and a half than in nearly all the previous years of their partnership combined, so Olivia decided to just ask the question that was nagging at her, "So now that you're single, do you plan on dating?"

Elliot looked at her and tried to read her expression. He didn't know if she could handle the answer that he wanted to give. "I don't know, Liv. I don't have any wild oats to sow, if that's what you're asking."

"But you must have at least enjoyed spending time with a beautiful, young woman who only wants to please you."

Elliot reached over and took Olivia's beer from her, setting it down. He held both her hands in his, fingers intertwined. "There is only one beautiful woman I want to spend time with," he said, locking his blue orbs with her brown pools, hoping she understood exactly what he was saying.

"El," she whispered, breaking eye contact by looking down at their hands, which were resting on her thighs.

"I understand if you're not ready yet, Olivia, but I just want you to know, I'm here. I'm always going to be here." He would do whatever it took to make sure she knew that. Even if she tried to push him away, he wasn't going anywhere.

"You're the longest relationship I've ever had with a man." She brought her eyes back to his.

"Damn right," he said, squeezing her hands.

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 **Your words mean everything. Review and I'll love you forever.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Underlined text is directly from the show.**

 **Thank you so much for your kind reviews! Keep em coming! This chapter is probably my favorite so far. :)**

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 _"You're the longest relationship I've ever had with a man." She brought her eyes back to his._

 _"Damn right," he said, squeezing her hands._

"I'm not spending time with anyone else, either," Olivia admitted. "I want you to know that."

Elliot beamed. "I can't tell you how glad I am to hear that."

"I just need things to go slow, El. Okay?"

"Whatever speed you feel comfortable with. Even if it's slower than a snail," he teased.

"Maybe not that slow."

* * *

When Olivia heard that Callum Donovan had pushed Elliot off the roof, her stomach dropped. Last she knew he had been going over there to apologize. Cragen called her at home and said he was on his way to the hospital. He didn't know anything yet, other than that Elliot was conscious. Olivia had been just about to get in the shower but she grabbed her badge and keys and was out the door, headed for Mercy Hospital.

When she got there, she flashed her badge at one of the nurses to find out where Elliot was. He was laying flat on his back in a neck brace.

"Shit," she whispered.

"Liv," Elliot said, trying to sit up.

"Lay back down, you idiot. We don't need you screwing up your neck anymore than it already is." Elliot lowered himself down gently.

"You got it boss." At his joke, Olivia let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. She walked over to his right side and slipped her hand into his. Their eyes met and he looked so happy to see her that she couldn't help her reaction. She bent down and placed a quick kiss on his forehead.

"Speaking of bosses, where's Cragen?" she asked, standing up straight again. Whatever was going on between her and Elliot was not something she wanted brought to her captain's attention any time soon.

"He went to go talk to my doctor. He called Paxton so I guess she'll be here any minute," he answered.

Outside the door they heard Cragen's voice getting closer and closer so they separated their hands, smiling at the little secret the two of them shared.

"So it's looks like you're going to be okay, Elliot, but you have to take it easy for at least the next two weeks. No unnecessary stress. I can't have one of my best detectives out of commission for too long, so you are going to do whatever the doctor says. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Cap." The harsh clicking of heels announced Sonya Paxton's arrival. She walked up to Elliot's left side.

"Does he do this often?" she snapped.

"What? Almost die in the line of duty?" Olivia answered, giving back as much attitude as she was getting.

"Take a nap halfway through his tour."

"I'm still alive. I can hear you ladies," Elliot said. He took a deep breath, which required more energy than he thought. "Any sign of Donovan?"

"Not yet, but we're gonna get him. Half the department's looking for him," Olivia assured.

"And the other half is drowning their sorrows," Cragen interjected.

"Okay," Elliot said, trying to sit up again.

"Shhh," Olivia soothed him, grabbing his arm and trying to lay him back down again.

"Whoa, whoa. You're not going anywhere," Cragen said, sternly.

"I'm a little banged up, I'm fine."

"Not until the docs run every test and the mayor gets here to shake your hand," he insisted.

"Yeah, before the parade of brass comes, I'm gonna take off. Let me know when you find Donovan." She started to walk away before turning to Olivia and pointing a finger at her, "And don't touch a hair on his head, okay? Otherwise I got problems." Olivia rolled her eyes and Elliot smiled proudly at his partner. Fin replaced Sonya in the hospital room with a lead on Donovan's whereabouts and he and Olivia took off.

* * *

The three days that Elliot spent in the hole were exactly as Donovan had described them: pure torture. He couldn't believe Sonya wouldn't offer him a deal. He had been found guilty and Donovan was headed right back to the tiny room he spent years in. Donovan had pushed him and he deserved to be punished, but having experienced what solitary could do to a man, Elliot felt sympathy for the man.

When he went to visit Donovan, he was pleasantly surprised to learn that he had gotten through to Sonya after all and she had spoken with the warden. Donovan would be returning to gen pop. It seemed strange that this was good news to him, but in his line of work he had come to accept the strange. He texted Olivia after leaving the prison and asked if she wanted to meet him for a cup of coffee. She agreed.

"Hey, El," she said when she sat down across from him in the booth at the back of the diner. He had already ordered two coffees and hers sat in front of her along with a small jug of milk. She mixed her coffee and he watched her. While he was in the hole he had a lot of time to think and one of the main thoughts that occupied his mind was just how much he cared for Olivia. He was by her side every day, but not in the way he truly wanted to be.

The idea of dating seemed so juvenile. He was in his forties, had been married for over twenty years, and had five kids. It would be so weird to ask someone on a date. But he wanted to be with Olivia and she deserved to be courted. He had said they'd take it slow and he was trying to navigate that. At least he didn't have to worry about anyone else. The thought of her with other men had always made him sick to his stomach. He knew he didn't have any rights to her, but still a part of him felt like he did. She was _his_ partner. That had to mean something. Now that he was single, he was in a position to change things between them. He just hoped she wanted the same thing.

"So Paxton actually came through for once," he said, as he continued watching her stir her coffee. "Donovan isn't going back to the hole."

"That's great," she smiled.

"Yeah," he said. "I have Eli this weekend, so I'm looking forward to that."

"So good news all around," she lifted her mug to her soft, full lips and blew on the coffee before taking a tentative sip. "Any fun plans with the little guy?"

"I was thinking about taking him to Coney Island. Lizzie and her friends went down to the Jersey Shore last week and ever since then Eli has been running around saying, 'I go beach.'"

"That will be nice." Olivia looked wistful and he thought he had lost her to a daydream or a memory for a minute.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing," she said, shaking her head as if to ward off the errant thoughts.

"Remember a few weeks ago when you told me I could tell you anything?" She nodded. "It goes both ways, Liv."

"Remember when you told me that you understood if I wasn't ready?" He thought he had her with that one, but she could always one up him. He normally enjoyed her ability to best him, but at times like this it made him want to shake her.

After over a decade together, Elliot knew his partner pretty well. If he had to guess, he would say she had been imagining herself playing on the beach with a beautiful little girl with dark, shiny hair and big, brown eyes, just like her mother. They never talked about the possibility of her becoming a mother after she told him she was rejected for adoption, but he knew it was her deepest desire. Against his better instinct, his mind conjured up an image of a pregnant Olivia, head tossed back in a laugh and hands cradling her stomach. If it was at all possible, he imagined pregnancy would enhance her beauty.

It went without saying that Olivia would be a wonderful mother. In fact, she already was. As long as he had known her, he had admired her maternal extinct. She was a mother; she just didn't have a baby. He knew Olivia had so much love in her to give and that any child of hers would be extremely lucky. Selfishly however, he didn't want anyone else to be the one to give that to her. Adoption he could handle, but her having another man's baby was something he didn't even want to think about.

"Come with us." He didn't realize the words had slipped from his mouth until he saw her reaction. It was a mix of fear and desire. Now that the words were out there, he was almost desperate to get her to agree. "You said yourself how nice it will be. And Eli loves you. Every time I see him he asks 'where Liv?'" She smiled at that. "Please come with us. I will need help carrying him and all our stuff after my fall anyway."

"You sure you're not just trying to see me in my bathing suit, Stabler," she teased as she tossed her stirrer across the table at him.

"I'm sure," he nodded. "Though I know you'll look absolutely stunning."

"I don't know, El," she hesitated.

"I really want you to, Olivia. And I think you want to as well. Don't be scared to want things." There was a chance she might not take that well but it had come out without him thinking about it once again.

"I'm not," she said, defensively.

"Then you'll come with us," he said. "We'll swing by your place to pick you up around 11. I'll bring snacks but we can eat lunch on the boardwalk."

"Sounds good," Olivia said.

* * *

At five to eleven, Olivia's phone beeped. _Hey Liv. We're downstairs. Do you mind meeting us down here so I don't have to unbuckle and re-buckle Eli in his carseat? He's a little crazy this morning._

 _Coming_ , she responded. Olivia took one more look in the full-length mirror that hung from the back of her bedroom door. She had decided on a plain black bikini, just enough to entice Elliot but not too much that it seemed like she was trying to get his attention. She covered it up with an old NYPD t-shirt and a pair of jean shorts that she left unbuttoned with the top folded down. She grabbed her beach bag off the bed and made her way out.

The prospect of getting closer to Elliot equals parts terrified and thrilled Olivia. When they read each other's minds in interrogation and when they hunted perps completely in sync, it was like they were one. And for a long time now, Olivia had wanted to be one with Elliot in another way as well. His insanely muscular frame took up every inch of space in whatever room he was in and when he rolled up his sleeves to mid forearm she could practically feel her legs give out. Every part of her body ached to have him on top of her. To wrap her legs around his strong thighs. To feel his chest press against her breasts and his manhood push into her. The thought alone had kept her warm on many a cold night.

What scared Olivia was how much she needed Elliot in the way that had nothing to do with the physical. He was her partner, her best friend, her support system, her everything. For someone who considered herself independent, she really relied on Elliot. She feared that if they entered into a relationship, inevitably she would screw everything up and Elliot would want nothing to do with her. She couldn't live with herself if that happened, if she was responsible for losing the best thing in her life.

Even with these thoughts occupying her mind, she hoped the three of them could have a nice day. She would try not to read too much into Elliot's actions and focus on Eli. The little blonde boy would forever hold a place in her heart since she had helped him come into this world and was the first one to cradle him against her chest. In those moments, with his wet, sticky, body writhing against hers, she experienced a kind of love she had never known before. There was nothing she wouldn't do for the little guy.

As she approached the car she could hear Eli shouting "Liv! Liv! Daddy, Liv!" and a kind of peace settled over her. Everything was going to be okay.

* * *

It was easily one of the hottest days of the year. Elliot was glad he had thought to bring an umbrella. Of course they were all slathered up in sunscreen – Eli had giggled the whole time Olivia applied it to his soft, pale skin – but the extra protection from the hot sun was nice. Elliot sat under the umbrella as he watched his son and his partner play on the crowded beach.

Olivia had "taught" Eli had to make a sandcastle, which he destroyed as soon as she pulled the mold off, yelling, "Again, Liv! Again!" Right now, however, she was standing in the water, up to her waist, holding Eli against her right hip and dipping up and down every few seconds, bringing the little boy into and out of the water alternately. Eli was laughing and splashing and it warmed Elliot's heart.

Olivia stood up straight so the water just grazed the bottom of Eli's feet and she seemed to be talking to him. He reached his hand up and rubbed it on Olivia's face before leaning in and kissing her cheek. Olivia moved him off her hip, grabbing him with both hands and holding him up in the air. She blew a raspberry on his stomach and Elliot could see the unadulterated joy on his son's face.

He saw the two of them heading back to shore and he couldn't contain the radiant smile he wore as they approached the towels. "Looked like you guys were having a lot of fun out there," he said.

"Daddy, the waves!" Eli answered. "I splashing, Daddy!" Olivia bent with Eli still on her hip to grab his Power Rangers towel and she wrapped it around him, rubbing his arms and legs dry. Water dripped from the ends of her hair down her shoulders, over her collarbone, between her breasts and Elliot's eyes followed along the path. It wasn't fair how good Olivia looked in a bathing suit. She was all honey skin and long legs and luscious curves and Elliot wanted to run his mouth over every part of her body. He saw the other men checking her out and he didn't blame them, but he was smug in the knowledge that she was here with him, even if she wasn't really here _with_ him.

Finally Olivia dropped down on the blanket next to him and placed Eli on the ground between her legs. She reached over for some of his toy trains and handed them to him. Once Eli was distracted she reached for her own towel, quickly dried the skin she could reach, and shook out the excess water from her hair. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Elliot staring. "What are you looking at, Stabler?"

"My partner," he said, earning himself a smile from her. "You know you are the most beautiful woman on this beach, right?"

Olivia's first instinct was to shrug off the compliment, but when Elliot reached for her hand she decided to accept it instead and offered up one of her own, "Yeah, well don't think I missed all those soccer moms staring at you."

"If they were staring, I didn't notice. I was too busy watching you two. The little guy was having the time of his life."

With her free hand, Olivia ruffled Eli's curls. "He's such a sweet boy. It's hard to believe he's your son," she teased.

"Hey!"

Their play-fight was interrupted by a loud grumble from Olivia's stomach. "I think I'm about ready for lunch," she laughed.

"Eli, you wanna get lunch?" Elliot asked the boy.

"Hot dog!" He cheered.

"Nathan's it is," Elliot said.

* * *

After a long day at the beach, Olivia decided to go back to Elliot's place to tuck Eli into bed, anything to get a few extra minutes with the boy. After he was bathed and laid down in his crib, the two partners each bent down to place a kiss on his small cheek. He looked up at them and announced, "You kiss!"

Before Olivia could explain that kisses were just for Eli, she felt one of Elliot's hands wrap around her waist and the other came to her cheek. He pressed his closed lips to hers and held them there for a few seconds. She was surprised how soft his lips were. They tasted salty from the ocean. Elliot then pulled away, making an exaggerated kissing sound for Eli's benefit. They walked out of the room and turned the light off behind them.

"I hope that wasn't too fast. I've just wanted to do that all day," Elliot said. "Actually, I've wanted to do that since the day I laid eyes on you so it was really pretty slow."

"El," she started.

He cut her off, "I really, really care about you, Olivia."

He looked so vulnerable in that moment and she knew that if she pushed him away, it would break his heart. So instead, she pecked his lips once more. "Me too, El."

* * *

 **Reviews? Please?**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: The slow burn heats up...**

* * *

The team just could not catch a break recently. The last few cases had really hit the detectives hard. First there was Dalton, who got drunk and bludgeoned a woman to death with a hammer. Only he had no memory of the event because he was in a blackout. That case led to the revelation that Sonya was an alcoholic. Olivia couldn't help but see the parallels between Sonya and her mother. After visiting her mother's grave for the first time in over a year, Olivia found herself at Elliot's place. She wouldn't allow any tears to fall, but she did ask Elliot to hold her. He laid behind her on the couch with his strong arms wrapped around her while some old black and white movie played in the background. They shared a few more pecks on the lips, but nothing further than that.

Then there was the case of a young gay man whose partner raped and murdered him. Fin took that one to heart and made sure he set up a lunch date with his son. Elliot always had a rough time with cases where men took advantage of their kids' trust and the Cory Banks case was no different. Not only was the young boy being abused by his step-father, Thomas, but the man had ties to one of the largest kiddie porn rings. Thanks to the bravery of Cory and his mom they were able to bring the leader of the ring down. He was sentenced to 3,000 years in prison and Thomas to 20.

Elliot and Olivia were finishing up some last minute paperwork at the station. Fin and Munch had gone home about an hour ago, arguing over whether the moon landing was real on their way out, and Cragen was holed up in his office. With no one around, Elliot felt free to look at Olivia. She was so focused on whatever she was writing up that she didn't notice the intense gaze beating down on her. Munch always squinted at his paperwork, crinkling his whole face; Fin wore a scowl as if the mountains of paper had offended him; but Olivia, her face was soft and gentle. It was like she viewed the paperwork as an old friend. She was comfortable and focused.

When she reached up to tuck away a stray lock of hair, it pushed Elliot to words. "Go to dinner with me," he said.

Olivia looked up and their eyes met across the desks. "We already had dinner tonight, El. Munch ordered Thai, remember?"

"I didn't mean tonight," he said. "I have been so happy the past few months and I would really love to take you out."

"You mean like a date?" She didn't even try to hide her hesitancy. Sure it was the next logical step, but up until this point they had only talked about what was going on in vague terms. Never had they used the words "date" or "relationship" or anything concrete.

"I know that word probably scares you, but yeah, like a date."

"That word doesn't scare me, Elliot. I have been on hundreds of dates." That stung him.

"But never with me. It's not the concept of dating that scares you, Liv. It's the concept of dating _me_. You've never had a problem getting dinner with me before, but now I attach the word 'date' to it and you aren't sure. I know that it's because you are afraid of losing what we have now, but you are never going to lose me." He could see Olivia gulp at his promise. But he knew that she trusted him implicitly. She would agree to go.

"Just give me a minute, okay?" She asked.

"Sure," he looked down at the papers scattered across his desk and started filling them out. Olivia was staring at him now and unlike her, he could feel it.

After a minute or two her heard her calmly state, "You can pick me up tomorrow at seven."

* * *

On the other side of her apartment door was everything Olivia had never let herself admit she wanted. Elliot had just knocked a few seconds ago. He was here. To pick her up. For their date. She couldn't believe how much effort she had put into tonight. Usually Olivia's beauty routine consisted of swiping on some mascara and lip gloss, but tonight had spent a full forty minutes on her hair and makeup. She had chosen between three dresses that she knew would make Elliot's mouth water. Her choice was a tight, black dress that came to mid thigh, similar to the one she wore to the symphony when they had the case of the violinist who was being stalked. Over that, she had one of her many leather jackets.

Ultimately, all that effort had served as a distraction. She poured her energy into her appearance so she didn't have to think about what was actually happening. But now that Elliot was here and there was no more avoiding it, she felt like she was going to be sick – in a good way. Never before had she experienced butterflies in her stomach at just the thought of a man. But then again, everything about Elliot was different than every other man. With that thought, she opened the door to greet her date.

Elliot was wearing a grey button down with a few more buttons than would be considered professional undone, a pair of black slacks and a black jacket. His whole face was lit up in the biggest smile she had ever seen him wear. Olivia couldn't believe how handsome he was. It made her feel extremely lucky to be his date. She saw his eyes roaming her body as well and all the time she spent getting ready was worth it.

"Wow. You look incredible, Liv," Elliot said, finally breaking off their silent appreciation of each other.

"So do you, El."

"You ready?" He asked, extending his arm for her to link hers through.

She accepted, "Yeah, I'm ready."

* * *

Dinner was going better than Olivia had expected. There was nothing awkward or uncomfortable about a date with Elliot. It was just like every other meal they had eaten together, only Elliot peppered the evening with compliments, each one making Olivia blush. She was still getting used to the idea of Elliot flirting with her.

Right now he was telling her a story about the one time he had left Dick to babysit Eli and what a disaster that turned out to be. "At least both boys still had all their arms and legs, you know," he laughed. "But it took me days to clean up the mess they made of my place. Never again," he said, shaking his head.

Talk of Elliot's kids left a nagging in the back of her mind. Those beautiful children deserved to have a happy family and the idea that it might be partially her fault that their parents had split left her feeling guilty. She didn't want to put a damper on their evening so she decided to push the feeling down. It was too late. Elliot had seen her falter. "What is it, Liv?"

"Nothing," she insisted. "I'm fine."

"Liv," Elliot pressed.

"I don't want to ruin tonight. Just forget it."

"The only thing that could ruin tonight is if you aren't honest with me," he said, reaching across the table to lay his large hand on top of her delicate one.

"I'm… You…" she tried, but couldn't find the words. Elliot waited patiently for her to get it right. "You and Kathy… Your divorce… It had nothing to do with me, right?"

"Olivia, I want you to listen to me very carefully, okay," he stroked her thumb with his. "Kathy and I, it was never going to work out between us. I loved her. I still love her. She is the mother of my children. She is a kind woman. She has been supportive and caring towards me for decades. But I am not in love with Kathy. We don't make each other happy. That is why we got divorced. It would have happened eventually, with or without you."

"Okay. I understand," she said.

"I'm not done," Elliot insisted. "Having said all of that, I need to admit something." He paused to take a deep breath. "I have had feelings for you for a long time. Even when I shouldn't have, before the first time Kathy and I split. I don't remember when it started but over time, being with you started to feel so right. You understand me in a way no one ever has and just sitting across the desk from you gives me such peace. I didn't end things with Kathy for you, but now that things are officially over, I plan on worming my way into your heart." He closed out his monologue by tossing back the last swig of his Jack and Coke and immediately signaling the waiter to bring another.

His passionate speech moved Olivia to make a confession of her own, "You're already in there, El."

* * *

The restaurant was only a few blocks away from Olivia's place and Elliot walked her back home. Outside her front door, he leaned in and placed another peck on her lips. "I had the best night with you. Thank you so much for letting me in." He turned back to his car and Olivia reached for him, pulling him back to her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and covered his mouth with hers, opening it for him. Elliot got the message right away and slipped his tongue into her mouth for the first time ever.

She tasted better than he ever could have imagined. There was a hint of chocolate from the mousse they had shared for dessert, but mostly she was indescribable. Now that he had really kissed her, he never wanted to do anything else. Their tongues fought each other for dominance a little bit, but ultimately Olivia acquiesced. Elliot ran his hands along her sides, up into her hair. Every time one of them broke away for air the other pulled them right back in. After a while, Olivia pulled far enough away that Elliot couldn't readily reach her. "Come upstairs," she said, and Elliot didn't have to think twice.

After walking in the door, Elliot helped her out of her jacket before slipping his off as well. He was met with the entire bare expanse of her back, the black dress dipping down to just above her bottom. He ran his hands down her shoulder blades, coming to rest on her hips. He pulled her closer to him and showered her gorgeous skin with kisses, nipping, licking, and sucking.

She moaned his name and he felt his manhood start to stir. Stepping back a bit he guided her over to the couch and laid her down before unbuttoning his shirt and slipping it off. Olivia licked her lips at the sight of his muscular chest. It amazed her just how strong he was. Elliot toed his shoes off as well before climbing on top of Olivia. Their mouths met again, fitting together perfectly.

As he kissed her, Elliot's right hand made its way to Olivia's left shoulder and pulled the strap of her dress down slowly. When it was bare, he moved his mouth to cover the exposed skin. At the loss of his lips, Olivia attached hers to the left side of his neck, sucking hard. As much as he was enjoying himself, Elliot missed the warmth of Olivia's mouth and brought them back together while his hand covered her breast. He massaged her breast gently and Olivia let out a deep, throaty moan. She could feel her underwear becoming uncomfortable. No man had ever turned her on this much, this fast. Elliot's member was pressed into her hip and she reached down to rub it through his slacks. He began thrusting against her and he whispered, "God Olivia, I want you so much."

"I want you too." It did things to his heart that Elliot had never experienced before to hear her admit she wanted him. He wanted to keep going, to be inside of her. To feel her tight walls grip him and to let himself go. But he remembered, even in his haze of arousal, that she wanted to go slow. This was certainly not slow. It took Herculean effort, but Elliot pulled back.

"Olivia, you are the sexiest, most beautiful woman on the face of the Earth and it is killing me to do this," a look a fear crossed Olivia's face, but Elliot was quick to dismiss any insecurities. "It's not that I don't want this. I want it more than I have ever wanted anything. If we go any further, I won't be able to stop myself. But I know you want to go slow and I don't want us to get caught up in the moment."

Olivia lifted her head up and placed a quick kiss on his lips. "Thank you," she whispered, rubbing her hands up and down his back. Elliot rested his head on her chest, his forehead pressed to the side of her neck.

"Am I crushing you?" He asked.

"Yes," Olivia responded, but when Elliot tried to push himself up, she held tight to him. "No. Stay."

* * *

The next day, the partners caught a case. Two young hispanic victims found dead in the back of a truck, naked. It didn't take long to find out who the two vics were and after finding that the woman, Ramona Rodriguez, lived in Manhattan, they paid a visit to her place. They were searching Ramona's bedroom when her roommate, Terri Banes, came running in saying someone was trying to break in.

Elliot told her to hide in the tub and the detectives got into position, guns raised to confront the suspect. As soon as Olivia saw a gun in the crack of the door she called out, "Drop the gun now!"

"Detective Benson?" The shadowy figure asked before stepping into the light.

"Agent Porter?"

* * *

 **Oh no! Dean Porter's back. You guys all know the events of Spooked. I'm going to give you a choice as to how much drama you want this to cause for EO. A lot or a little?**

 **The sooner you review or PM your thoughts, the sooner I can finish the next chapter and the sooner I will update!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This chapter is a little all over the place. A lot of that is a byproduct of how all over the place the episode is. I didn't realize how crazy things get until I re-watched it trying to figure out how I would work in El and Liv just beginning a relationship as it's all going down. I did the best I could given the circumstances.**

 **I was surprised by how many people want as little drama as possible. But like one reviewer said, without drama there is no story. I decided to shake things up for them because there are still a lot of issues that haven't been resolved and this was the best way I saw to get it all out there and fix it all so they can actually be happy. Buckle your seat-belts people, here comes the drama.**

* * *

The minute he saw Dean Porter's face, Elliot was furious. He was this close to a real relationship with Olivia. He didn't know what, if anything, had happened between Olivia and Porter, but he never liked any man who was interested in Olivia. Usually he didn't see them as a threat. Olivia would go out on a few dates with them, likely sleep with them, but she always dismissed them fairly quick. But not Porter. They seemed to have some sort of connection and Elliot was actually worried that his reappearance in her life would pull Olivia away from him.

As he debriefed them in the squad room as to FBI's involvement in the case, Elliot stood with his body between Porter and Olivia. It was subtle, but he was trying to make it clear that Olivia was off limits. Porter would literally have to go through him to get to her. But then, as Porter walked out and Cragen started giving out orders, Olivia chased after the man. _Oh fuck_.

* * *

Olivia didn't know what she was feeling seeing Dean Porter again. She was so happy with the progress she and Elliot had made and she feared that his presence would threaten that. But it was nice to see the FBI agent. When she was in Oregon, he was her only connection to law enforcement. The only person who knew she was Olivia Benson and not Persephone James. They had their moments, but for the most part they had a good working relationship. She would never forget how he helped her when everything happened with Simon. He trusted her and had her back.

She had always suspected that he was interested in her beyond just professionally and there had been a moment in Oregon when she thought they might sleep together. She was lonely, she missed being Olivia Benson, and most of all she missed her partner and best friend. She would have settled for the companionship that Dean provided, but he never tried anything, determined not to cross the line as her case agent.

She could feel Elliot's jealousy seeping out of his pores and she wanted to say he had no reason to be jealous, but she wasn't sure. There was something about Dean that intrigued her. That was why she followed him to the elevator bay, even though she knew Elliot didn't want her to.

"They're slow this time of night," she said approaching him. He turned, flashing his Dean Porter smile and walking to meet her.

"Been a while, Olivia."

"Yes, it has." She smiled back.

"How are you?"

Truthfully she was all over the place. Instead she went with, "I can't complain. You?"

"About the same." Their eyes met and she was asking him what he wanted. All his eyes told her in response was that he was happy to see her. The elevator dinged. He walked on, keeping his eyes on her the whole time. "You have my number."

"Yeah, we all do," came Elliot's voice from behind her. She turned to him, not wanting to deal with his jealousy.

As she heard the elevator doors close she sighed, "Give him a break."

"Let's see if he gives us one first," Elliot huffed, walking away.

Olivia followed him and brought the conversation back to work. "You talk to narcotics?"

"Yeah, Cragen wants us to get a warrant, finish tossing Ramona's place."

* * *

In the car on the way to Ramona's apartment the next day, Elliot didn't speak a word to her. He hadn't called or texted her that night after they left the station. She knew that going after Porter had hurt him, but she also thought he was being ridiculous. All she had done was talk to the man. Two nights ago she had been ready to sleep with Elliot and now she couldn't get him to talk to her. This was exactly why she thought a relationship with him was a bad idea. She was glad they hadn't slept together because she could only imagine how much more uncomfortable things would be right now if they had.

They were nothing but professional when they talked about the case, but on their way to JFK, Olivia had had enough of the silent treatment. "What's going on, El? Why aren't you talking to me?"

"Oh, did you want to talk? I'm not a big shot FBI agent so I didn't think you had anything to say to me," he snarked, white knuckling the steering wheel.

"Don't be an asshole, Elliot." She decided the silence suited them just fine.

* * *

He was pissed at Olivia. He knew he was overreacting, but he couldn't help it. But no matter how mad he was at her, when he saw Rojas leading her out of the airport, his heart stopped.

If anything happened to Olivia, it would destroy him. He followed them out and saw an officer down. He was shot in the vest and he pointed out the direction Rojas had taken Olivia. Elliot took off after them. Hiding behind a car, he called out, "Police! Drop your weapon! Manuel!"

Rojas stopped, but he lifted his gun to Olivia's temple. "Back away!" He shouted.

"Manuel, let's just take it easy, okay? Let's calm down," he took a few steps closer. Olivia closed her eyes and Elliot knew she was afraid.

"Get these cops out of here," Rojas demanded.

"I can do that. You gotta let her go, though." Every second that gun was to Olivia's head Elliot was losing his cool. He had to keep calm though, for her.

"You think I'm stupid?"

"No, absolutely not." _Let her go. It's going to be okay, Liv._ " Aboslutely not. Now look," Rojas moved behind Olivia so he body shielded him. Elliot continued, despite the panic rising in his chest, "Let's just take it down a notch. Tell me what you want."

"We're leaving! Now!" Olivia was breathing heavy and there was terror in her eyes.

"Manuel, I can't let you leave with her. You know that. Now, what else can I get you?" Rojas licked his lips and looked around. Elliot knew he was wondering if he could get a shot off and get away. But he was cornered.

"I want a car brought here with my shipment inside, or I'll kill her."

Olivia spoke for the first time and Elliot could her the tremble in her voice, "Like you killed Ramona and Carlos?" _Don't, Liv. Don't make him mad._

"Shut up, you lying bitch."

"You have a gun to my head, Manuel. Why would I lie to you now?" Elliot knew Olivia was trying to distract him enough so someone could get a shot off. But she was putting her life on the line as well. "I think that you're the one who's lying to me. You found Ramona with Carlos and you slit their throats." She was taking short, deep breaths now and Elliot was prepared to pull the trigger.

"Huh?" For a moment Rojas looked genuinely confused. And then all Elliot could hear was the sound of a shot and Olivia's scream and all he could see was Olivia and Rojas crumple to the ground.

He ran as fast as he could, "Liv! Call a bus!" He knelt down next to her. "Liv. Liv. Are you hit?" He turned her over and pulled her into him, cradling her head in his arm.

"No. No, the blood is his." He checked her out quickly and when he was satisfied she wasn't bleeding he pressed her head into his chest. He could feel his heartbeat start to slow and hear Olivia's breathing return to normal. He pressed his mouth against the top of her head as he held her and placed a quick kiss in her hair. Everyone was paying attention to Rojas so no one noticed.

After a second they looked up, Elliot still holding Olivia, to see Porter with his gun smoking. He had taken the shot. Elliot wanted to be mad that Porter played the hero, but right now he was just happy that Olivia was okay. She squeezed his knee and he brought his head back down to her. He didn't want to let her go. In that moment he was afraid that if he did, he would never get her back.

* * *

When Cragen declared the case was over for SVU, Elliot couldn't have been happier. It meant Porter would disappear back to wherever he came from and he and Olivia could go back where they were before his little visit. When Porter offered to give Olivia a lift home, Elliot's response was instinctual, "No, I'm good. Thanks." He saw Olivia give Porter a sympathetic look before he turned and walked away. Elliot smiled smugly.

"Neither of you are going anywhere. Chief of D's wants your fives on his desk by 8 AM. Get typing."

They sat down and Olivia looked over the desk at Elliot, "Why don't you just pee all around me?"

"Because that would be gross," he said, still wearing that smug smile of his.

"I don't belong to you, Elliot. I can do whatever I want with whomever I want." She looked down at her paperwork before she could see his smile fall.

* * *

When Melinda's findings led them to Terri Banes, Olivia went to call Porter. Elliot suggested that she wait to see how it all played out. She didn't like being told what to do, but this was about work, it wasn't personal. Olivia really wanted to figure out what was going on with this case rather than hand it over to the feds, so she hung up.

When something did amount from it, they had no choice but to call Porter. Elliot was furious but trying to keep it under control. Olivia knew he didn't want Cragen to catch on and question why it was he hated Porter so much. She watched Dean and Elliot get into a pissing contest over whose case it was. She couldn't take her eyes off Elliot.

All his muscles were flexing in anger and she could see the blood pumping through the veins in his neck. Poor Dean. If Elliot ever laid a hand on him, his pretty face would never look the same again. Elliot's childish behavior was pissing her off, but she was also incredibly turned on seeing him display his alpha male tendencies.

As soon as Dean left, having won that round, Cragen told them to go home. She knew Elliot was about to blow. No matter how annoyed she was with him, he was still her partner. "Hey, what's your problem?"

"Porter's not gonna tell us dick," He snarled.

"He's kept us in the loop." She wasn't on Porter's side, but she didn't want Elliot to flip out in the middle of the squad room.

"Yeah, until he didn't. He wants to cut us out so he can get to Terri before we do. No way. Come on," he said, grabbing his jacket from the back of his chair and heading out. "You with me?" 

Olivia rolled her eyes but followed him. That's what it meant to be partners. For better or worse.

* * *

Olivia's anger shifted to Porter right around the time he served them with a warrant for all their evidence. And when Morales told her and Elliot that the FBI had been involved in bugging their office and Cragen and Munch unraveled his lies, she came up with a plan.

The fake date was all Olivia's idea. Elliot knew that she wanted to get the "rat bastard," as she had called him, but he couldn't stop pacing. He needed Morales to work faster. Every second Olivia was out there pretending to be interested in Porter he could feel himself losing it. She was pretending, right?

Even from her bedroom, he could hear her speaking, "You helped me out of that mess with my brother. You saved my life three days ago. And I think it's time that I properly thanked you." That's it. He was going to be sick. Those were things that Elliot should have done. Olivia should have gone to him when she had that trouble with Simon. He should have been the one to shoot Rojas. The living room was silent except for soft kissing sounds. Elliot felt like she had reached into his chest and squeezed his heart, puncturing it with her perfectly manicured nails. He walked away from the door as Morales whispered, "We're good. Do it."

* * *

None of it mattered. They caught Terri, but she was leaving with Dean, who helped cover up the murders of Carlos and Ramona. He shot Rojas, Olivia realized, not to save her, but to stop him from telling the truth. He knew it would be a matter of time before it all led back to him. She felt so betrayed. She had trusted him, put her relationship with Elliot in jeopardy for him, and he didn't trust her in return. He said their feelings didn't matter. She didn't have romantic feelings for him, not really. She had just gotten attached to the wrong person once more. She thought they were friends. That they understood each other.

Instead of going home alone, Olivia decided to pay a visit to the one person she knew her feelings mattered to. She hoped that if she apologized for her behavior the last few days, he would forgive her. They could move on.

When Elliot opened the door, the first words out of her mouth were, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making you believe that I could ever choose Porter over you. You're my partner."

Elliot took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes. She didn't see forgiveness. She just saw hurt and betrayal. The same thing she felt thanks to Porter. Only she knew Elliot's pain went a lot deeper. He cared about her a million times more than she did about Porter.

"I don't really want to talk to you right now, Olivia," he said flatly. "I think you should go."

"Please, El," she whispered. Her eyes were watering. Elliot had been so good to her the past five months and that she had hurt him like this was killing her.

"You told me you weren't seeing anyone else. I didn't know that was just because Dean Porter wasn't around."

"I'm not seeing Porter," Olivia protested.

"You kissed him, Olivia. Having to sit in the other room while you went on a date with him was bad enough. But to be there while you're kissing another man on the couch I almost made love to you on just a few days ago. I can't handle that."

"I didn't know how else to make sure he heard it. I had to get close. When he leaned in to kiss me, I couldn't reject him. He would get suspicious." She was desperate for him to understand. But the more she talked, the angrier Elliot became. His blue eyes were like ice.

"For eleven years I have watched you go off and fuck other men. Moss, Cassidy, Porter. Who knows how many others. I can't deal with it, Olivia. I thought we had something good going between us now, but I guess that means nothing to you." In his voice she heard disgust and at that, she lost it.

"Fuck you, Elliot. So you had to watch me go on dates with other guys, screw other guys. You always knew it didn't mean anything to me. You told me you had feelings for me while you were still with Kathy and yet I watched you go home to your wife and kids every night. That means something. And then when you are single you treat me like shit and cozy up to your replacement partner. Do you know what a slap in the face it was to see you touch her like that?"

"What are you talking about?"

But Olivia didn't register his words. She was on a rampage. "You think that what we have doesn't mean anything to me? It means everything to me. Or it did. Because we don't have it anymore. And not that it's any of your business, but I never fucked Porter. In fact, I was going to tell you that I didn't feel anything when I kissed Porter because the only person I want to kiss is you. But forget it. Forget all of it. Whatever this was, is over."

Before Elliot could react to her words, she was out the door.

* * *

 **It made me sad to write this. I'd love to hear how it made you feel to read it.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Some people didn't like the end of the last chapter. I totally get that. The only thing I can say is that no character is perfect. Elliot has been extremely patient and caring towards Olivia, but even he is going to lose his shit sometimes. What matters is that he recognizes that he was wrong, which he does, and that he apologizes, which he does.**

 **It's going to get a little bit worse before it gets better, but maybe the people who are mad at Elliot will like this chapter. It's just a quickie to tide you over until I get more writing time. Right now I'm working on Chapter 10 and I'd like to stay at least 5 chapters ahead.**

* * *

Olivia barely made it out of Elliot's building and onto the street before she threw up. She tried to hold her own hair back while the contents of her stomach fell onto the sidewalk. When she got overly emotional, her first reaction was not to cry, but to vomit. She didn't know if she was more upset with Elliot for his biting words or with herself for ruining the best relationship she had ever had.

It wasn't that she was wrong for talking to Dean, but over the last five months, Elliot had been battling Olivia to let him in and to give them a chance. He probably already felt like he didn't mean as much to her as she did to him. Kissing Dean had just pushed him over the edge. She knew this would happen. She never should have let herself get involved with Elliot. At least she would still have had her friendship with him. Now she had nothing. No one.

She wanted to go to the nearest bar, get drunk, and take home the first guy that approached her. She may be unlovable, she thought, but she certainly wasn't unfuckable. Planning to do just that, she wiped off her mouth and looked around for the right place to settle in for the night. But when her mind conjured up an image of Elliot's blue eyes tinged with pain, she decided against it. Instead she reached for her phone and called the first person she could think of to meet her for a drink.

* * *

Fin was already out at some bar in Chelsea, so Olivia took a cab to meet him. She had thought about calling Alex, but she would want to talk about everything. Not Fin. She knew she couldn't tell him why she was upset, but Fin never asked too many questions anyway. He would be more than happy to just get drunk with Olivia and make sure she didn't go home with anyone.

When she got there, Fin had saved her a stool and there was a glass of whiskey waiting for her. He greeted her, "When you're chilling, it's red wine. But when you're drowning your sorrows, it's whiskey." He knew her well.

"Thanks, Fin," she said, taking a sip.

"I'm not gonna ask you what happened, but if you want to talk about it, I want to listen," he assured her.

"How about you tell me about your night?"

"Well ever since the honey I was flirting with turned out to be a drag queen, my night has pretty much sucked," he laughed.

Olivia hadn't smiled since her night on the couch with Elliot, but now she found herself chuckling along with him. Leave it to Fin, she thought. "Start at the beginning," she said.

* * *

 _Whatever this was, is over._ As soon as she said those words, Elliot could feel his heart break. He had never known pain like this. She said she wasn't interested in Porter, but what if the vile things he said pushed her right into his arms? Or the arms of someone else? He reached for his phone and only when he saw a drop of water land on it did he realize he was crying. He never cried, couldn't remember the last time he had shed a tear. But Olivia got to him in ways no one else ever had or ever would. He pressed '1' on his speed dial and listened to it ring. She didn't pick up. "Liv, I'm so sorry. Please call me." He hung up and called again. This time it went straight to voicemail. She had turned it off.

Elliot refused to accept that. He didn't know where she went, but she had to go home eventually. He grabbed his keys and jacket and headed to her apartment. From outside he could see her lights weren't on. One of her neighbors walked in ahead of him and held the door for him. Outside her apartment door, he didn't hear any signs of life. He knocked, just in case, but didn't identify himself because he feared she wouldn't open it. After a few minutes he concluded that she definitely wasn't home. He sat down in front of her door and leaned his head back against it, closing his eyes. Knowing Olivia, it would be a long night. He just hoped that when she came home, she wouldn't have a man with her.

* * *

It was nearing three in the morning when Fin finally convinced Olivia to go home. He offered to drop her off and she knew he probably thought she couldn't make it home alone. She wanted to protest, but didn't have it in her to get into another fight, even a small one. She accepted and Fin got them a cab. She held his arm with one hand and the railing with the other as they walked up the stairs to her apartment. She tripped on the last step and started laughing. Fin shushed her, not wanting to bother any of her neighbors.

* * *

When Elliot heard Olivia's laugh, he stood up and wiped the sleep from his eyes. But the next sound he heard was a man's low "shh" and he wished he could vanish into thin air. They had had one fight and she goes out and finds some guy to fuck? What the hell was wrong with her? She had ended their semi-relationship tonight, but despite his words, he didn't actually think she meant so little to him that she could be with someone else within hours of dumping him. It was too late to run away so he would have to face Olivia and whatever faceless, nameless guy was with her.

When she turned the corner out of the stairwell and into the hallway, his heart ached for her. He wanted to run over, pull her into his arms and kiss her lips a hundred times, apologizing between each kiss. But then he saw the man's figure and he wanted to put his fist through the wall. How could one woman have such control over his emotions? Olivia and her companion hadn't seen him yet, but it was just a matter of seconds.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" She had seen him. The man moved out from behind her and he saw it was Fin. _Thank God,_ Elliot thought, breathing a sigh of relief. He knew Fin thought of Olivia as his little sister. He would never let anything happen to her and he would never let her make a decision she would regret.

"Hey, Stabler. I was just helping Liv home from the bar, but I guess you've got it from here. Night, Liv," he said, backing away and disappearing down the stairs.

Elliot turned to look at Olivia who was scowling at him, "Get the fuck out of my way, Elliot." He was standing directly in front of her door.

"Liv, I need to talk to you," he said.

"Move." He could tell she wasn't messing around. He sidestepped away from the door. Olivia began to unlock it.

"Please, Olivia. I'm sorry. I never should have said those horrible things." He wanted to reach for her but knew that wouldn't end well for him.

Olivia got the door unlocked and opened it a crack before turning back to Elliot. Through her teeth she said, "I don't care if you're sorry, Elliot. Because this time, it's me who doesn't want to talk to you." With that, she slipped through the crack in the door and closed it behind her. Elliot could hear the locks turning. In just a few days she had gone from letting him in to locking him out, literally. This time, he didn't need to see the tears to know they were there.

* * *

 **A/N: I warned you. Don't worry, I'm trying to find my way out of this mess that El and Liv made for me.**

 **Please review. It inspires me to write.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I don't think it would be realistic to wrap their fight up neatly in a bow right away. But resolution is coming.**

* * *

Olivia woke up the next morning with the most painful hangover. The tears she had shed after closing the door on Elliot had only exacerbated her headache. She reached for the water and ibuprofen she left out for herself the night before. At this point she didn't know who's fault their fight was. All she knew was that she cared for Elliot. But he had said some really hurtful things to her and she wasn't ready to talk to him just yet. Thank God they had the day off.

But she really wanted to talk to someone. She had known Alex for almost a decade and considered her to be one her of closest friends, a category that did not have many members. She figured she could trust her with this secret. She found her phone on the kitchen counter and texted the ADA.

 _Hey. It's Liv. Any chance you're free for brunch?_ She put her phone down and went to brush her teeth. They felt fuzzy and her tongue was itchy. When she saw herself in the mirror, red eyes, mussed hair, she could almost start crying again. After brushing her teeth and washing her face, she checked her phone again.

 _Yeah. I have an hour free around 11 if you want to meet me downtown._

 _Text me an address and I'll meet you there._

On her phone she had over ten missed calls from Elliot, three voicemails, and five texts, but she chose to ignore them for now. She would wait until after her discussion with Alex before she had any contact with him.

* * *

An hour later, Olivia was walking into a small bistro across from the courthouse. She saw Alex at a table in the back and made her way over. The blonde stood up to greet her and they hugged. As soon as they were both settled in their chairs, the ADA looked over her glasses at the detective and asked, "Is everything okay, Olivia? It's not like you to want to meet up last minute like this. Not that I'm not happy to see you."

"Actually, there is something wrong. I just need you to promise to treat what I'm about to tell you with discretion," she knew Alex would, even if she didn't ask, but better safe than sorry.

"Consider it under attorney-client privilege," she joked.

"The case we were working on recently. Dean Porter got involved. The FBI agent from Oregon. Elliot was his usual jealous self and he freaked out. Porter is gone, but El and I got into a huge fight last night."

"What's so secret about that?" Alex asked. "That's nothing new for Stabler. You'll both calm down and in a few days everything will be back to normal."

"That's just it. I don't think this time will blow over so quickly," she said as the waitress approached to take their orders. Alex couldn't get her words out fast enough and as soon as they had ordered she shooed the young girl away.

"Why not, Liv?"

"Well, Elliot and I have been sort of seeing each other the last few months," she said, looking down.

Alex's jaw dropped. "I'm sorry, I think I heard you wrong."

"Stop. We've been getting closer for a while and the night before Porter showed up, we nearly slept together."

"Nearly? After eleven years, you still haven't gotten in each others' pants?"

"Alex," she admonished. "I told him I wanted things to go slow and so when our night started to heat up, he put the brakes on it. He didn't want me to regret us moving too fast."

"Damn, Olivia. I can't imagine that was easy for him. I've seen how much Elliot has wanted you since my first day working with SVU. How bad could this fight have been for that to change?"

"It was bad. I set up a sting on Porter and in the process, I kissed him. Elliot flipped out. He basically called me a whore and said I fuck everyone. He said that our relationship meant nothing to me. How could he even think that? My relationship with him, romantic or otherwise, is the most important one in my life."

Alex looked at the brunette sympathetically. It couldn't be easy to fight with the one person you usually sought comfort in. "Stabler can be a jackass, Olivia. That's nothing new. I bet he has probably been beating himself up about it ever since the words left his mouth. Has he tried to apologize?"

"Yeah. But I told him it was over." The waitress dropped their food off without a word and disappeared, catching on that the friends did not want to be interrupted.

"No. Olivia, I know you have never been in a real, adult relationship before, but you don't just bail when things get tough."

"Oh I bailed. I was going to go find someone else to take home with me, but instead I called Fin and we went out for drinks. I came home wasted around three in the morning and Elliot was waiting outside my door. I pushed past him and slammed the door in his face, pretty much telling him to fuck off."

"Is that really what you want? Do you want it to be over? To you want him to fuck off? Or do you want to finally be with the kind of man who shows up at your door to apologize? No offense but your taste in men up until this point has been pretty atrocious. I bet any of your ex's, after a fight like you had with Elliot, would have gone out and slept with someone else. Yeah, Elliot was way out of line, but he is sorry. When was the last time a man apologized to you?"

She toyed with the food on her plate, but memories of the night before had destroyed her appetite. "Of course I don't want to be with assholes like that anymore. I don't really want it to be over between Elliot and I, but it is never going to work out. I was going to go be with someone else. I am too fucked up to make this work with Elliot and I'd rather get out of it now than be even more hurt when it ends later."

"But you didn't sleep with someone else, Liv. You called Fin instead. And I'm betting the reason you didn't is because you knew it would hurt Elliot." Olivia nodded. "So just call him, or even text him. Things don't have to go right back to the way they were before. But make sure he knows you didn't mean it when you said it was over, okay?"

"Yeah. Okay," Olivia said, smiling halfheartedly at her friend.

"Good. I gotta go," Alex said, standing and placing money on the table for her food. "And for God's sake, eat something Olivia. You're making me nervous."

* * *

Olivia spent the rest of her day getting around to household chores she had been putting off for weeks. She cleaned the bathroom, did two loads of laundry, vacuumed the living room, and went to the drugstore for new shampoo, conditioner, and razors. She felt great about how productive she had been, but she knew it was just her way of avoiding the Elliot situation. At 7:30, with a frozen pizza in the oven, she sat down to read his texts. She couldn't listen to the voicemails. She wasn't ready to hear his voice just yet.

The first one was from shortly after she left his place last night: _I'm so sorry Liv_. The next two were sent while she was with Fin. The first: _Please answer me. My behavior was completely out of line. I was a jealous ass. I promised to put you first and I did the exact opposite._ The second: _I know you probably hate me right now, Liv, but I'm really sorry._ The fourth text came after she closed the door in his face early this morning: _Just know that you could never hate me more than I hate myself. I can't believe I hurt the woman I care about more than anything in the world._ The last text was from this morning, probably right before she woke up: _I said you would never lose me and I meant it. Whenever you are ready to talk, I am here. I'm so sorry I hurt you._

Alex was right. None of the men she had ever been with had apologized profusely over text, especially after she refused to speak to them. But she didn't think she was ready to talk. She sent one text in reply: _I still need some space. I don't blame our whole fight on you. I had a part in it as well. We definitely need to talk, but not yet. Just know that I don't want this to be over. I said that in the heat of the moment and I regret it._

She hadn't even put her phone down yet before it buzzed in response. It was from Elliot. Two words. _Thank you._

* * *

The next day they had a fresh case, a young woman who was raped and strangled in the Ascot Hotel. Olivia was able to work alongside Elliot just fine and he didn't try to push her to talk, obviously taking her words to heart. Once it became clear that a psychiatrist, Martin Gold, was exploiting his patients to keep them reliant on him, Huang got more involved in the case and Elliot took a step back.

As the case was winding down, Olivia heard Elliot talking to Munch in the squad room. Apparently his apartment was being fumigated and Kathy had offered for him to stay at the house for a week. He was excited to be in the same house as his kids for a little bit.

Olivia felt nauseous. If they had been speaking, she knew he would be staying at her place. Instead he was going back home. That was Olivia's greatest fear. She had heard everything Elliot said about not being in love with Kathy, but he had gone back to her before. He liked the traditional stay-at-home mom and the house with the kids, and Olivia would never be able to give him that. It's better this way, she thought.

She heard Munch ask the question she wanted to, "Think you and Kathy will get back together?" She had never been more grateful to the older man.

"No way. She's great, but she is not the woman I want to be with." Olivia gulped. He was saying all the right things, but she still wasn't sure.

"Hmm," Munch mumbled. "We all know who that is."

* * *

The next case, the Nikki Sherman rape, was rough. The young girl wanted desperately to see her day in court and when it looked like it wasn't going to happen she tried to kill herself. While all of that drama was going on, Elliot was staying in Queens and Dick went missing. Elliot wanted to investigate, interrogate, but Cragen wasn't having it. He let Olivia take point on most of it and it was hard for her.

Especially when Dick lashed out at her in interrogation, asking her if she had ever slept with Elliot. At least she didn't have to lie. They hadn't slept together, no matter how much she had wanted them to. From the moment she and Elliot began to be more than just partners, she feared that his kids would blame her for their parents' split, that they would hate her. She knew Dick was just mad and he probably didn't really mean to come across so hateful, but it still stung.

Dick's friend, Shane, turned up dead and she knew he would be destroyed. She was glad Elliot was home with him. She certainly didn't expect Elliot to show up at her place that night, but it was a quarter to ten when she heard the knocks. Without looking through the peephole, she knew it was him. Ready or not, she suspected they would be having a talk.

* * *

 **A/N: Dun dun. What's that talk going to look like?**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I hope that after this chapter, you will see why I did what I did. I really wanted to address a lot of the problems they went through on the show because I don't think they could be happy together without resolving the past. I thought that a fight and the subsequent resolution was the most EO way to do it.**

* * *

Olivia opened the door, cautiously, not sure what kind of mood Elliot was in.

"Hey, Liv," he said. He was holding a small bouquet of daffodils and he sounded contrite. Those were good signs.

"Come in, El." She took the flowers and put them in water. "Thank you for these." She looked over to see him hesitate before sitting on the couch and she wondered if he was remembering the moment they had shared or the kiss that had been the catalyst for this whole fight.

"Liv, it's been a few weeks and I thought I could give you as much time as you need, but after everything with Dick and Shane... I just really need us to work this out. Life is too short, ya know?"

Olivia ran her hands through her hair. She needed them to work this out too. She missed him so much. They had the same goal, resolving things, so this shouldn't lead to another argument, right? "Okay."

"I'll start," he said, clearing his throat. "I can never apologize enough for horrible things I said and the even worse things I implied. It is hard for me to watch you date other men. But I can't even imagine how hard it was for you to see me with my wife. If you had a husband, God, I don't think I'd be able to handle that. When I heard you say the things you said to Porter and when you kissed him, I lost it. I know it's no excuse, but I just lost it. I told you I was going to put you first and I am ashamed that I let you down."

"I appreciate you apologizing, El. I'm sorry too. You were right, I didn't have to kiss him. I don't know why I did it. I guess I just always wondered if there was something between us and I needed to know there wasn't before I could really throw myself into what you and I were building. Our relationship, the one we have had for the past eleven years, not just these last six months means everything to me. It is the single most important relationship in my life. I never want to lose that." Elliot reached for her hand and she slipped her fingers between his.

"I promise you, you never will. I will never walk away from you. But after you said it was over, I'm not sure you won't walk away from me." His big blue eyes were watering and she could see them getting red.

"You have to understand, El. I have never been in a relationship where one of us doesn't just walk away when the shit hits the fan. I'm not used to making up. Fighting usually means it's over. I would rather just be friends and partners with you than lose you entirely."

"Now that I have had more with you, I can't go back to the way things were. I don't want to. Olivia, we are going to fight. Just like we always have. But I am always going to want to make up." She nodded her understanding. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah."

"What did you mean when you said you saw me touch Dani?" He was biting his lower lip, nervously.

Fuck. She hadn't meant to let that slip out. She was just so mad, she wasn't thinking clearly.

"Come on, Liv. We are doing so well. Don't close up on me now."

Olivia knew she had to be completely honest, but she wondered if Elliot would take back all of his promises after she told him the truth.

"I got back from Oregon a little sooner than you think," she said, prepared for the inevitable anger that would boil over from her hotheaded partner.

"How much sooner, Olivia?" He asked through gritted teeth, wrenching his hand away from her.

"Two weeks." With that, Elliot was up. He paced her living room, much like she had that night he told her that he and Kathy had split. Now she was the one who had kept something from him.

"What the fuck, Olivia? You just left me with no goodbye and I had no idea when or if you were coming back. I didn't know if you were safe or who had your back. I was out of mind with worry and for two of those weeks, you were back home in Manhattan. Why wait two weeks? Why didn't you come see me as soon as you got back?"

"I did," she whispered. "I went to the station to tell you I was back. To tell you how much I had missed you. That I thought about you every day I was away. But when I asked for you, Dani said you were in interrogation. She identified herself as your partner and asked if she could help me. I didn't need help, El. I just needed you. Instead I went to talk to Cragen. I saw you come out and you... You touched her. You never touched me. You looked so happy and at ease with her. I know how much it hurt you when I kissed Dean because it's what I felt when I saw you with Dani. That's why I didn't come back right away. I thought you were doing just fine without me. All we had been doing was fighting before I left and I didn't know if you even wanted me back." It was over two years ago, but it still really hurt.

"Olivia," Elliot started.

"No, I have to get this out. I was upset. I snuck out the back without seeing you. Maybe that was wrong but I was hurt. But the pain I felt when I saw you with Dani was nowhere near what I felt when you told me you were going back to Kathy, that she was pregnant again. I couldn't breathe. For a split second, I wanted to die. I was losing my best friend, the man I cared about, all over again. But I had to smile and act like I was happy for you because I wasn't supposed to want you for myself."

Elliot looked like he was about to explode. "Fuck. If I had known... God, how do we always end up hurting each other?"

"I don't know, El, but maybe we really shouldn't do this. If we act like this when we aren't even together…" Her words trailed off.

"Haven't you been listening to anything I've said? We aren't just giving up. We are going to fix this. We are going to start communicating. We have always been able to understand each other without words and over time we stopped using them. We just assumed we knew what the other person felt and thought and that was wrong."

"Do you think it's that easy?"

"Oh no. It's not going to be easy. But it's the only thing we can do because not being together is not an option." She could hear the determination in his voice and it eased some of her fear. Some, but not all. Elliot sat back down.

"Olivia, Dani didn't mean anything to me. Everyone was leaving me. First Kathy, then you. I told you that you and the job were all I had and then you left me. I have never felt so alone. Right around the time you saw us, I kissed Dani. That's it. It only happened once and it didn't go further than a kiss. I thought I just needed someone, but what I really needed was you. She wanted me to ask her to stay. I didn't. That would mean accepting that you weren't coming back, and even with no clue what you were doing or where you were, I couldn't accept that. The Kathy thing, I have no excuse for. All I can tell you is that I wish I had gone to you that night. I was just afraid. I had just gotten you back and I felt like we were finally becoming Liv and El again and I didn't want to rock the boat. I had no idea that she would get pregnant." He reached for her face and rubbed his thumb along her jawline.

"I wish you had come to me, too," she said so softly that Elliot wondered if he had even heard it at all.

He knew there was so much going on in her head and her heart. If she took one thing away from their conversation, he wanted it to be this. "Olivia," he whispered. "I'm so sorry. For every single time I have ever hurt you. I would kill anyone who hurt you, so knowing that some of your pain was my fault... I'm just so sorry." He leaned in slowly giving her ample time to pull away. When she didn't, he caressed her lips with his in a gentle kiss. He could feel her kiss him back and wrapped his arms around her. Their bodies moved in sync until they were laying down on their sides, Olivia tucked between the back of the couch and Elliot's large body. He continued nipping her lips and Olivia let out a few moans.

After a couple minutes she placed her hands on his chest to signal that she was ready to stop. Elliot pulled back and Olivia rested her head against his chest. He slipped his hand into her hair, reveling in the feel of the soft strands. "I can't promise I won't get jealous, Liv, or that I won't screw up, but I can promise that I will never throw your past in face again. None of that matters."

"It doesn't matter," she mumbled into his chest. Leaning back a bit and looking up at him she said sleepily, "I'm with you now. I don't want anyone else. I'm sorry I made you doubt that."

A while later he heard Olivia's breath even out. He knew she was asleep but he whispered her name, just to be sure. When she didn't respond, he said to the quiet room, "I love you."

* * *

 **A/N: Do you forgive me yet? What if I told you there even more making up coming in the next chapter? If you aren't following this story, you will probably need to adjust your filters in order to see it. ;)**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you all so much for your kind, supportive, awesome reviews. They are what keep me going.**

 **This chapter was difficult because I have never written smut before, but I gave it my best effort. I'd definitely appreciate your feedback.**

 **Without further ado, enjoy!**

* * *

Olivia woke up in her bed the next morning, but she didn't remember getting off the couch. She felt something heavy pressing down on the middle of her stomach and looked to see an arm. Elliot. He must have carried her to bed after she fell asleep last night. She was glad he stayed the night and snuggled up to him. At her movement, Elliot groaned and pulled her closer. She knew he was awake when she felt him kiss her hair and heard him say softly, "Good morning, Liv."

Nestled against his chest, she slid her hands up his t-shirt to feel his warm, naked chest. The muscles under her fingertips were the greatest turn on Olivia could imagine. Elliot was so strong that it could be intimidating, but she knew he would only ever use his strength to protect her, never to hurt her. She was overwhelmed with the desire to run her tongue over the peaks and valleys she felt. She grabbed the hem of his shirt and tugged. Elliot sat up for a second, allowing her to pull it off.

Elliot was built like a Greek god. There was not an ounce of fat on him and even without flexing, his muscles looked like they were ready to rip through his skin. She attached her mouth to his right pec and began sucking and licking it. She drew a line with her tongue down to his pink nipple and teased it, going around in circles. "Liv," he moaned. She kissed her way down his stomach, stopping to lick at his abdominal muscles.

"So strong," she said between kisses, her hand rubbing his dick through his sweats.

* * *

At her words, Elliot summoned his strength and grabbed onto her arms, pulling her away from him and throwing her down on the bed. He climbed on top of her and shoved his tongue in her mouth. She tasted better than he remembered. The woman didn't even have morning breath. "You're overdressed," he grumbled through his arousal, lifting her shirt off. He had seen Olivia in her bra once before but since there was a gun pointed at him, he didn't really get to enjoy it. Now, he could take his time and commit her perfect form to memory.

He noticed her bashful smile and leaned his head down, ready to explore her body as she had done to him. While he nipped at the cleavage that peaked out from her black, lace bra, he said, "You are so beautiful, Olivia."

He swirled his tongue inside her belly button, causing Olivia to giggle. The ticklish sensations distracted her while he reached his arms under her back to unclasp her bra. Olivia sat up for a second and let the straps fall, but held the cups in front of her breasts. "It's only me, Liv." She held his life in her hands while he waited to see if she would drop the bra.

"Exactly. It's you, El. This is going to mean something." When the words left her mouth, Elliot completely forgot about the bra, reaching for her and making love to her mouth with his. He knew it would mean something, everything in fact, between them, that it would be nothing like it had been for her with the other men, but he hadn't realized how much he needed to hear her say it until she did. He heard the sound of the bra landing on the floor and pulled back. He met Olivia's eyes, asking permission before looking down. She nodded almost imperceptibly and Elliot could finally feast his eyes on the breasts that he had admired for over a decade. He knew it made him an asshole, but he had pleased himself to the thought of those full mounds more times than he could count.

They were even more perfect in person than in his imagination. They were the color of honey and spilled out of his large hands when he held them. He was mesmerized by the dusky, brown nipples in the center as he ran his thumbs over them. It wasn't until he felt Olivia's hand pressing against the back of his head that he began to lick her left nipple. He wrapped his lips around it and sucked while his left hand covered her free breast and rubbed it gently. He could feel Olivia writhing beneath him.

After a few minutes he switched breasts, letting go of the left one with a wet pop. His right hand took over manipulations while his mouth tended to her right breast. "Oh, El," She moaned and he bit down on her nipple. She screamed almost incoherently. Elliot could have sworn she was trying to say _fuck_ from the beginning 'f' sound, but her overwhelming pleasure jumbled the end of the word. He could feel Olivia pushing at the waistband of her leggings. "Off, El." He helped her slide the tight, black fabric down her legs and now all that covered her was a tiny scrap of lace.

Elliot kissed down her body, stopping where her lower abs met the top of her underwear. Her stomach, like every other part of her, was so tight and toned. He slipped his hand underneath and pulled. Olivia lifted her hips so he could remove the offending garment. Once she had slipped her feet out, Elliot tossed her panties to the floor and sat up on his knees to take in her naked form. Never before had his dick been this hard. It fought against his briefs and sweats, reaching for Olivia, longing to find its home inside of her. But before he even thought about his own needs, he wanted to give Olivia as much pleasure as possible.

* * *

Olivia had never been nervous showing her body to anyone before, but this was Elliot. She could see his hardness through his pants so she knew that he wanted her, but it wasn't until he breathed the word "incredible" that every last insecurity of hers was wiped away. Elliot was settled on his knees between her legs and he rested his forearms on her thighs, pulling them apart enough that he would be able to fit his wide chest between them. Olivia knew what was coming and her breathing increased rapidly. He lowered himself down until his face was level with the most intimate part of her body. She knew he probably needed a moment to take it all in, but she really just wanted his mouth on her. Now.

"You are perfect, Olivia. Every part of you is perfect." The sight of her wetness and the knowledge that it was all for him was overwhelming.

Between the stirrings in her heart and the flames of arousal burning low in her belly, she couldn't take it anymore and grabbed the back of Elliot's head with both her hands, pulling it into her. He got the message and kissed her folds, gently. When he was satisfied that he had kissed every inch of skin, he began to lick at her, lapping up as much of her wetness as he could.

The taste, smell, and feel of her could all only be described as _Olivia._ He was completely intoxicated by it and realized he had never enjoyed this act so much. He could feel his erection, pressed into the bed, becoming harder and harder.

Olivia could hear his little moans and the idea that he was enjoying this just as much as she was only heightened her pleasure. She left one hand on his head, making sure he never moved from that spot and brought the other to her breast, to tease her own nipple.

Elliot wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up so the inside of her knees came to settle on his shoulders. He rubbed her thighs while he applied some pressure to her opening with his tongue before moving up to suck her clit into his mouth. Olivia shrieked. He wanted to hear more of her, every sound she made, completely uninhibited. After sucking on the small nub for a few seconds, he nuzzled it with the bridge of his nose. When she began to writhe, he slipped his tongue inside of her and she screamed his name, a new rush of wetness hitting his lips.

Olivia was experiencing sensations she ever had before. Every nerve ending was over stimulated. Moans fell from her lips, mixed in between whispers of "oh God," "Elliot," and "fuck." She could feel the most delicious climax building within her.

Elliot would happily have stayed down there all day, but he knew Olivia needed to come. He pulled back a little to kiss the inside of her thighs and slipped one hand up to rub her belly. Both her hands fisted in his hair as he began kissing her folds, the way he had when he started. "Come, Liv. It's okay. Let go," he whispered before licking her from bottom to top and stopping to suck on her clit.

At that, Olivia shattered completely. She felt like she was free falling from 30,000 feet, but she wasn't worried because she knew Elliot would be there to catch her. Through her pleasure, she could feel Elliot licking up the fluid that slipped from her. She couldn't help convulsing as the waves of pleasure subsided and she let Elliot's mantra, "it's okay," guide her back down to Earth.

Elliot rolled out from under her legs and came to rest at eye level with her. He pulled her body into his, wrapped his arms around her, and rubbed her back gently. She wanted to thank him for the high he had given her, but she couldn't form words just yet. Instead, she kissed him, tasting herself on his lips. When she pulled back, they locked eyes and though she mumbled, "Thank you, Elliot," there were three other words nagging at the back of her mind.

* * *

Once she had fully recovered she focused on Elliot, whose hardness was begging for attention. She wanted to give him as pleasurable a release as he had given her, but she couldn't. Since Sealview, she had not had a man in her mouth. She wanted Elliot to be the one to break that fast, but she wasn't ready yet. Together they pulled off his sweatpants and underwear and she was met with his glorious erection.

It was the most aesthetically pleasing dick she had ever seen. Different shades of pink and purple, with just the right amount of hair. The tip was glistening with moisture that her wetness had drawn out of him. He was long and thick, but Olivia didn't think it would be painful to have him inside of her. Especially not if he warmed her up first the way he just had.

She gathered some of his fluid but it wasn't enough, so she ran her hand along her folds to collect some of her own. She wrapped her right hand around the base of him and brought her left to cup his balls. Elliot held up a hand to stop her before she started. He said nervously, "Liv, I'm so ready for you, it's not going to take a lot." She knew he was embarrassed at how quickly he would likely come, but she didn't think any less of him. She leaned in and placed kisses on his neck before starting to move her hand up and down his dick slowly, while the other massaged his balls carefully.

"That your body reacts so strongly to mine, only makes me want you more," she said into his neck, hoping to reassure him. True to Elliot's fear, her hand had only moved over him about a dozen times before he started twitching and shot his cum straight up onto her stomach; the last bits of it only going so far as her hand. She gave him a minute to calm down while she continued kissing him, making no move to clean herself up.

Once his breathing regulated, he whispered, "I'm sorry, Liv."

"Don't be," she said, licking his cum from her hand before grabbing a tissue from her nightstand to wipe off her abdomen. "It was a good morning, indeed," she smiled.

* * *

 **Don't forget to review! :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thank you so much for all of your reviews. I can't believe people are actually enjoying reading this crazy little story idea that I had.**

 **Up next: The Aftermath**

* * *

After their morning activities, Olivia decided to take a shower and though he wanted to join her, Elliot figured she needed some time to absorb what had happened between them. Both their conversation last night and their intimacy this morning. He hoped to continue down the path they were on and wanted to do something nice for her. He plucked Olivia's keys off the counter, wrote her a note in case she got out of the shower while he was gone, and headed out.

* * *

As the hot water rained down on her body, Olivia's hands rubbed soap across her smooth skin. Looking her naked body over she noticed a few hickies, mostly on her breasts and one on her inner thigh. She smiled. Since the first day she was introduced to Elliot in the squad room at the 1-6, she had imagined what they would be like together. But all of her fantasies were nothing compared to the real thing. And they hadn't even slept together yet.

She was so glad that they had resolved everything last night. She wished they had never fought in the first place, but at least something good had come out of it. They were both able to get a lot off their chest regarding the past and Olivia had a feeling they would only grow closer. That was all she had wanted since the moment she realized that Elliot was the only person who ever truly saw her. He didn't see a child of rape. He didn't see a sex crimes detective. He saw Olivia. And he didn't run away. She loved him for that. She wasn't ready to say the words yet, but she knew she was in love with Elliot and probably always had been. He was it for her.

She had just shut the water off and was toweling herself dry when she heard her front door open. Elliot must have gone out while she was in the shower and was just getting back. She let her hair air dry and slipped into a loose t-shirt and a pair of running shorts. Walking out into the kitchen, she saw Elliot at the counter with a brown paper bag and two cups of coffee. He looked up at her and smiled. "You are so incredibly beautiful. I am the luckiest man in the world."

"You earn your keep. Especially if one of those coffees is for me and there is a bagel in that bag with my name on it," she teased, sitting down next to him.

"Of course. I take good care of my woman." He placed a kiss on her lips.

* * *

They ate and drank mostly in silence. Silences between them weren't awkward, they were comfortable. Olivia sat to his left and Elliot rested his hand on her thigh, eating his bagel one-handed.

"Hey Liv," he said as he finished up his bagel.

"Mmm?" She was so cute with a mouth full of bagel. He couldn't help himself and leaned over to lick the cream cheese off her mouth.

"Eli's second birthday is next week. He's too young to do anything big so we are just going to have a family dinner at the house. I would really love it if you came. If we went _together_." He could feel her tense up. "I know it's a big step and of course you don't have to, but it would mean a lot to me if you did. I want us to tell Kathy and the kids that we are together."

"No. We can't." She shook her head violently. "I don't want to ruin Eli's birthday."

"Liv, you know my kids absolutely adore you. I think Eli is in love with you and after all you have done for Kathleen, you are practically her hero. I know there was just that awkwardness with Dick in the station, but I think that was a heat of the moment kind of thing. He loves you. So does Lizzie. And Maureen. Kathy might be a bit uncomfortable, but I want to be honest with her. I don't want to keep secrets from my family. And I'm so proud to be with you, I want to shout it from the rooftops. But I'll settle for telling my family."

"I don't know if it will be that easy. Kathy came to me after Oregon. She asked me to convince you to sign the divorce papers. She said that you were the one thing we have in common, that I know things about you that she will never understand. If another woman was as close to my husband as I was to you, I wouldn't be her biggest fan."

Uncertainty was all he could see in Olivia's big, brown eyes. He wanted to assure her that it would all work out. "Olivia, Kathy knows that we never cheated. She knows that I didn't leave her for you. I had no idea you had this little conversation, but it only makes me more sure. If she wanted to divorce me so badly that she went to you to help her, it means she knows we aren't meant to be together. She didn't fight me on the divorce and she has told me many times that she wants me to be happy. You make me happy."

"I don't know, El."

It was time to break out the big guns. "You know I've been staying at the house the last few days. Well the other night, after the kids were asleep, we got to talking. She asked me if I had told you how I feel about you yet. I shrugged the question off. I didn't know what to say since we weren't speaking. She told me I shouldn't wait too long. That I would be an idiot to let you get away. It might be a hard pill for her to swallow at first, but I promise it will all be okay, Liv."

"Okay, El, I'll go. For you. For us." Hearing Olivia refer to them as an 'us' filled Elliot's heart. He jumped up and lifted her from her seat, scooping her up into his arms. She let out a small yelp. He kissed her lips a dozen times in rapid succession before putting her down and wrapping his arms around her waist.

"It will be great," he whispered as he nuzzled his nose against hers.

* * *

They spent the rest of the day on the couch, snuggled up together. They kissed, watched movies, and ate pizza. After dinner, Elliot went down on Olivia on the couch, bringing her to orgasm with his mouth twice. When he came back up to kiss her, she felt guilty once more that she couldn't return the favor. But Elliot didn't seem concerned about it. He didn't even mention his own arousal, whispering sweet words in Olivia's ear about how good she tasted and how beautiful she was. He went to the bathroom a few minutes later and when he came back he no longer had an erection.

They had been so open and honest with each other over the last 24 hours that Olivia figured now was as good a time as any to bring it up. "Hey, El."

"Yeah?" He was at the fridge, swigging from a container of orange juice.

"I just want you to know that I really, really want to do for you what you did for me. I just can't. Not since Sealview." Elliot stopped mid-step.

"Sealview?"

"Yeah. I know we never really talked about it. Maybe I can tell you about it now?"

He sat down next to her. "It would mean the world to me if you told me."

"He didn't rape me, Elliot." She really wanted to get that out first so that as she relayed the events that took place in the basement, he didn't worry that they were building toward that conclusion. "But it was the closest I have ever come." They joined hands and leaned back against couch. "He took me down to the basement and there was this mattress. I knew what he was going to do to me and I fought. I screamed. He uncuffed me and I hit him. While he was down, I ran. The doors were locked so I hid. He taunted me." She could see Elliot becoming emotional but she kept going, the words were spilling from her without control. "He said he was going to kill me and say I tried to escape. After he raped me, that is. He found me, of course, and he handcuffed me to the door." She had to stop for a second. She was back in that basement, screaming as loud as she could, crying. No one was coming for her. Elliot ducked his head down to catch her eyes and bring her back to the present.

"He unzipped his pants and he said that if I bit him, he would kill me. He grabbed my head and forced it into his crotch. He touched my face with his penis. That was when Fin burst in and stopped him. He never actually put himself inside my mouth."

"It doesn't make what happened to you any less traumatic, Olivia," he said, his eyes watering. "I am so sorry you went through that. I wish I had been there to protect you. It's not Fin's fault and I don't blame him at all. But I wanted to be the one looking out for you."

"I wish you had been too, El." She squeezed his hand. "I have had a lot of therapy and my PTSD rarely flares up. But I haven't been able to have a man in my mouth since then." Elliot pulled her in for a hug and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"I don't blame you. You never have to do that for me, Olivia. It doesn't matter to me at all." He rubbed her back soothingly.

"It matters to me, El. I want to do it for you and I will one day. Just not today."

"There is no rush. I never want you to feel unsafe or uncomfortable and I never want us to do anything that you don't enjoy. I could never, ever enjoy myself if you weren't."

She knew it was true. Elliot had already made it clear how much her pleasure meant to him. "What did I do to deserve you?"

"Hey, that's my line."

* * *

A few hours later, Elliot carried Olivia to bed again, only this time she was awake. They fell asleep together, Elliot's warm body spooning hers. The next morning, Olivia felt like shit. She called in sick to work. Elliot was worried about her, but it would look suspicious if they both took off so he had to go. He left her place early to go to Queens and change before heading to the 1-6. All day Olivia's fever climbed, peaking at 102. Elliot wanted to come by after work, but Olivia told him not to. She didn't want him to get sick. Instead, he picked up some chicken soup and dropped it off to her. His apartment was finally livable again so after leaving Olivia's he packed up his stuff from the house in Queens and moved back home.

* * *

 **A/N: It makes me happy to write scenes where El and Liv are open and honest with one another. If only we had seen more of that on the show.**

 **Please review!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: We've moved on to Perverted. I used to like this episode but ever since the couple that shall not be named has become canon, I can barely stomach it. I cant watch any episodes with T***** in them without feeling nauseous anymore. So I mostly glossed over this ep. Underlined print is directly from the show.**

 **One more thing. I'm at a cross roads with this story. I could stay following canon and filling in details along the way, wrapping this story up in a few more chapters. Or I could go off, break from canon a bit, only touching base with landmark episodes, and create an entirely new story for Liv and El, which would make the shelf-life of this story a lot longer. I have an idea about what I want to do. What would you guys like to see?**

* * *

It was Liv's second day home sick when Elliot and Fin were called out to the scene at St. John the Divine. Biker Clyde Vandyne was murdered, his penis severed. Fin, Elliot, and Melinda exchanged some twig and berries humor, that is until Fin found Olivia's card in Clyde's wallet. After going back to the station house and typing up the initial reports, Elliot went over to Olivia's place to find out how she knew Clyde. He texted her from the car that he was coming and why.

When she opened the door, still in pajamas and sweats though it was early afternoon. Elliot couldn't help the face he made. "You look terrible," he teased.

"Stop with the sweet talk," she took the file from him. "This the guy?"

"Clyde Vandyne, our dead biker with the missing kickstand. Have you seen a doctor?" He had to slip that in there. The first morning she woke up with the fever he had suggested it, but Olivia thought rest and fluids were all she needed.

"No, it's just a bug," she insisted once more, sitting down on the couch.

"The swine flu was just a bug." Sometimes her stubbornness drove him crazy. "Recognize him?"

"No. Maybe he found my car on one of our victims and assumed that she talked, messed her up even worse." Elliot nudged her onto her side so she was laying against the arm of the couch. "And instead of coming to see us, she got revenge."

"Well I'll tell you what," he covered her with a throw blanket. "I'll figure it out. You rest. You got anyone taking care of you?" She wouldn't let him risk getting sick, but maybe Alex had stopped by or someone else.

"No, I'm fine."

He felt her forehead. It was still warm. "Yeah, I'm sure you are. You're burning up."

"101. Down from 102 last night. I'm on the mend." She was so adorable, he thought to himself, heading into the kitchen.

"I'm gonna make you some tea." He wanted to take care of her in whatever small way she would let him.

He teased her about the lack of food in her house, it really was a problem, and she pointed out that she could order food whenever she wanted. He picked up some vacation brochures on her counter. They hadn't been there a few days ago. "Planning a tropical getaway?"

She had gotten up and walked over to the kitchen counter, grabbing the brochures from his hand. "A girl can dream can't she? Stop snooping." They talked a bit more about the case, but Elliot was genuinely concerned about her health. He wanted her to rest and he would take care of the case. If she overworked herself, it would take even longer for her to shake this thing.

"Let's get you to bed. Come on." He led her into the bedroom by her arms and laid her down, adjusting the blanket around her. He poured boiling water over a tea bag and brought the mug in to her, placing it on the nightstand. He retrieved all the supplies she would need from the coffee table so they were readily accessible from her bed. "Please sleep, Liv. I need you to get better so you can come back to work and help me catch the bad guys. Also, Fin is cute, but your ass is definitely better to look at."

She slapped his arm and settled into bed. "Alright, El. I'll sleep. But promise to text me updates on the case?"

"Pinky promise," he said, bending over to kiss her forehead.

* * *

This case wasn't adding up. Actually, it was. But all the evidence was pointing to Olivia and Elliot knew there was no way in hell that she was responsible for this. He didn't even have to think twice, no matter what evidence said. He couldn't explain how he knew, especially after her blood turned up on the knife. It was instinctual, embedded in the fiber of his being. He trusted Olivia and believed in Olivia completely and totally. Just like he knew he didn't kill Clyde, he knew Olivia didn't either. And he would do anything to prove her innocence.

He had been this close to murdering Tucker with his bare hands after watching him interrogate Olivia. That prick tried to throw Sealview and her sexual assault in Olivia's face and all Elliot could see was red. After Olivia was arrested, there was no question Elliot was posting her bail. He still owned the house in Queens as per his and Kathy's divorce, so he could come up with the money without too much trouble. His only focus was on clearing Olivia's name and nothing would deter him.

Between the private investigator and Melinda's discovery that Olivia's blood wasn't really hers, it was clear that Brady Harrison had framed Olivia. They tracked Harrison's phone which pinged near Olivia's apartment and Elliot knew he wouldn't be able to breathe properly until he was holding her, safe and sound, in his arms. Of course she could protect herself, but her gun had been taken from her after she was arrested and she was still pretty sick.

He got to her place in time to find both Liv and Harrison on the ground in Olivia's bedroom. She had subdued him and she was okay. The fabricated DNA and the perps that might get off because of it deeply disturbed Elliot, but not even close to the level of the thought of something happening to Olivia. It scared him how much he loved her, needed her, would do absolutely anything for her.

* * *

Elliot ignored her protests and stayed with Olivia over the next few days while she finished getting over the flu. He rationalized that she was probably not contagious anymore. She would never admit it, but he could tell that she liked being taken care of and he liked doing it. The first thing on his agenda had been to go grocery shopping and stock Olivia's fridge. If she had the food in her house, she would eat it.

Elliot rubbed her back while they laid in bed together and they fell asleep in each others' arms every night. Every morning when they woke up, they spent the first few minutes of the day kissing and holding each other before Elliot went to work. They still hadn't talked about how they were going to deal with the work situation now that they were together. Olivia's first day back was Friday, the day of Eli's birthday dinner.

The night before, Elliot drew Olivia a bath, lit some candles, and poured her a glass of wine. He wanted her to be as relaxed as possible heading into the next day. It was going to be a big day for her. For them. There was a part of him that was nervous about telling his kids and Kathy about Olivia, but he truly believed it would all be okay. When he was finished setting up the bathroom, he found Olivia on the couch.

"Hey, Liv." He had thought about adopting a nickname for her; babe, hon, love. But none seemed to fit her more than _Liv_. "Come join me in the bathroom."

"I don't think we're at the point yet where I feel comfortable being in the room while you go," she said, not looking up from her magazine.

"Ha ha, very funny. I have a surprise for you and it has nothing to do with any bodily functions." Olivia stood and followed him. When he opened the bathroom door, she gasped.

"El. You did this for me? Thank you." She kissed his cheek.

"You're welcome, Liv." He handed her the glass of red wine he had poured. "You relax in here for as long as you want. I'm going to clean up from dinner and fold the laundry." He kissed her forehead and turned to walk out

"You're not going to join me?" She sounded genuinely disappointed.

"I wasn't planning on it. This gesture wasn't meant to be a sex thing. I just wanted to do something nice for you." They still hadn't slept together and Elliot didn't want her to feel any pressure. He was still following her lead, letting things go at her pace.

She laughed at his words. "I'm not asking you to have sex with me. I'm asking you to hold me. Maybe rub my shoulders. Kiss my neck. Help me relax."

How could he say no? He whipped off his t-shirt to signal his compliance and Olivia let out another laugh. He was still just as intoxicated by her laughs as ever. They each stripped slowly, sneaking peeks at the other. When they were both naked, Elliot climbed in first and leaned against the back of the tub. He spread his legs so Olivia would fit between them and held his hands out for her as she joined him. As soon as she was settled, he wrapped his arms around her torso and kissed the back of her neck. "How are you feeling about tomorrow?" He asked.

"Excited to get back to work," she answered. "Nervous for dinner."

"Why are you nervous, Liv?" He didn't want to just dismiss her concerns. He wanted to talk through them with her.

"Honestly," She started as he covered his hands that were still around her with hers. "I'm afraid that your kids won't take the news as well as you think. And I'm terrified that if they don't approve, you will re-think this whole thing."

It bothered him how much she doubted his commitment to her, but he was trying to be understanding. Olivia was learning this all from scratch. He spoke softly, "I'm not re-thinking anything, Olivia. No matter what my kids say. I want them to be happy that we are together, but if they aren't, it isn't going to change my mind about you. It just means I will have to talk with them and make sure they know how much I love them and care for them and that us being together doesn't change that. But I really do think that they are going to be okay with it, Liv."

She was silent, taking in his words. Elliot reached for her body wash and squirted some in his hands, working up a lather. He ran his hands over her arms and chest and stomach, cleaning her. His rough fingers tickled her nipples when he washed her breasts. She didn't know how he did it, but his touch was slowly healing all the scars she had accumulated over the years. Her heart was so full that Olivia finally relaxed and let his promises fight away her fears.

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 **A/N: Up next is dinner with the Stablers. Wonder how that will go. Don't forget to leave a review about this chapter as well as which of the two paths you would like to see this story go down.**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I was considering waiting a day to post this because I have fallen so far behind on writing. But I know you guys really wanted to see how the dinner would go so I decided to go ahead and get it out there for you** **. Hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

Elliot and Olivia were sitting in the car outside of the Stabler house in Queens. They had parked about five minutes ago and when Elliot had asked if she was ready to go in, she thought she would nod and climb out of the car. Instead, she heard herself say "no". Elliot was understanding and told her they would wait until she had gathered herself.

Her knees were bouncing and her palms were sweaty. She believed everything Elliot said about tonight going well and she knew his children loved her, but she still felt like she might lose her lunch. Elliot had been silent since he shut the car off but he reached over to lay his hand on top of hers, resting on the middle console. "Liv, can you look at me?"

She did. Their eyes met and he told her silently one more time that it was going to be okay. Before she could second guess herself, she threw the car door open and hopped out, heading up the walkway for the front door. Elliot had to jog to catch up to her. "You amaze me, you know that," he said as they walked up the porch steps.

"Don't talk to me like that in front of them. I don't want to make things any weirder than they will be already." She paused with her hand over the doorknob, as if deciding whether to knock or just walk in. "Fuck it. You technically still own this house." She pushed the door open. Voices could be heard coming from the kitchen and they walked down the hallway.

"Where's the birthday boy?" Elliot called out as they reached the doorway. Everyone's heads turned to face them and Olivia saw only smiles on the Stabler faces. Kathy was at the counter, mixing a salad. Kathleen and Maureen were standing at the island, obviously engaged in conversation. Dick and Lizzie had been sitting at the table. Lizzie had her nose buried in a book while Dick was playing video games on some handheld device. Eli stood in the middle of the kitchen, dragging a teddy bear on the ground behind him.

"Liv!" He yelled, running over to his father's partner as fast as his little legs could carry him. Olivia bent down and scooped him up in her arms, kissing his cheeks.

"Happy Birthday, little guy."

"I not little, Liv. I two." He held up two fingers and Olivia pretended to bite them.

"What am I, chopped liver?" Elliot asked his youngest son.

"You Daddy, silly." Eli answered seriously.

"I am," Elliot said, leaning over to kiss his son, who looked like he had no intention of leaving Olivia's arms any time soon. After the initial greeting of the birthday boy, Olivia looked to the rest of the Stablers. Kathleen came bounding over and hugged the opposite side of Olivia from Eli.

"Hi, Liv. It's really good to see you," she said.

"You too, Katie," The special connection she shared with Elliot's middle daughter gave her hope that maybe tonight really would be okay. If anything, she thought, at least Kathleen would probably be happy to learn about their relationship. Maureen was next to hug Olivia, not lingering as long as Kathleen had.

"It's been too long, Liv."

"It has. We won't let this much time go by again," she assured the oldest Stabler child.

"I'm living in the city now so if you can ever ditch your partner for lunch," she winked," I'd love to see you."

"Sounds good," Olivia smiled.

Lizzie had bookmarked her novel and put it down on the table. "Hey, Liv," she said, waving from her spot at the table. Dickie was still entrenched in his video game so Lizzie tossed one of the grapes she had been snacking on at him. "Look alive, Dickwad. Dad and Liv are here."

"Yeah, hey, hi, whatever. I'm about to beat this level," he said, not even blinking.

"Love you too, son." Elliot said sarcastically. By now he had also hugged his two oldest daughters and had made his way over to hug his ex-wife. Olivia made sure to pay attention to their embrace, but the contact they made could barely even count as that. It was quick and their lower bodies stayed far apart. It was friendly, nothing more. It looked nothing like the way Elliot hugged her now.

"Hi, Kath. Is there anything we can help with?" Olivia asked, switching Eli from one hip to the other when he started to get heavy.

"No no no. Dinner's almost ready. The baked ziti has five minutes left and the salad is all done. The table has been set. I think that was Dick's birthday present to Eli," she teased. "Please everyone take your seats in the dining room."

Elliot grabbed a bottle of red wine from the cabinet above the refrigerator and filled Kathy's, Olivia's, Maureen's glasses before going into the fridge to get a beer for himself. Lizzie poured fresh brewed iced tea from a tall green pitcher for Kathleen, Dick, and herself. They all took their seats, the birthday boy in a high chair next to Liv at his insistence. She couldn't believe how domestic this whole scene was. She could count on both hands the number of times she and her mother had sat down together for dinner and even then it was only the two of them and they usually ate take out. _This is what a real family does_ , she thought.

* * *

The conversation flowed easily. Elliot and Dick talked sports, Maureen told Olivia about the psychology Ph.D. program she was considering at NYU, Kathy asked Olivia about work, Kathleen talked about everything as if she had been saving it all up for Olivia over the past few months, Lizzie was mostly quiet, and Eli babbled about nothing in particular as he ate the pasta Olivia had cut up for him. It was when Kathleen asked Olivia if she had been seeing anyone lately that she felt uncomfortable for the first time. Elliot reached over and squeezed her thigh. _It's time._ She let him take the lead.

"About that guys," Elliot began. Five pairs of eyes stuck to him. Eli was oblivious to the heavy moment. "Olivia and I have been growing closer the last few months and we really care about each other. Very recently, within the last week, we have decided to really be together. In a relationship."

Olivia braced herself for the hateful words and the evil glares. But they didn't come. All the kids turned to face their mother and seemed to be waiting for her reaction before giving their own. Kathy's eyes met Olivia's and she said, with deep sincerity, "I'm happy for the two of you."

Kathleen was next to speak, but her big smile had already said a lot, "That is so great, you guys."

Maureen jumped in next, after taking a sip of her wine. "Yeah. We knew that Dad would start dating eventually and I'm glad it's you, Liv," she said. "You really get Dad and you have always been there for him. That means a lot."

"Thank you, Maureen," Olivia said, feeling a lump forming in her throat. The twins had yet to comment on the news, but she couldn't believe how well this was going. She looked down the table at Dickie, who suddenly seemed very interested in his food. She knew he probably felt weird for his accusation in interrogation when Shane was missing.

She didn't harbor any negative feelings toward the young man so she said, for his benefit, "It's important to me that you all know that we never crossed any line while your parents were married. I would never do that and neither would your father. This is a recent development, but one I am extremely happy with."

"We know, Liv," Lizzie jumped in. "And it deserves a toast." She raised her glass and everyone else followed suit. Even Eli held up his sippie cup. "To family," Lizzie said, smiling at Olivia across the table.

"To family."

* * *

It was past Eli's bed time, but there were still presents to be opened. Since it was his birthday, Kathy had decided to let him stay up an extra hour. Eli sat on the living room floor with Elliot and Kathleen next to him. Olivia watched her partner and his daughter help the little boy rip open the paper on his presents. Every time a gift was revealed to him, Eli clapped and asked, "For me?"

She couldn't believe that it had been two years already since the day she meant to just fill in for Elliot driving Kathy to the doctor and had instead ended up helping her give birth to the beautiful child.

The whole time she was in that car and in the ambulance, Olivia was so petrified, she could barely breathe. The accident hadn't been her fault at all, but she thought that if anything happened to his wife or child, Elliot would never forgive her. No matter what, she was going to lose him. Either to his family or to his grief. At least if his family was alive and well, she would still have him as a friend.

It was what she was used to. Coming second. Taking what she could get. Settling. She had only let herself think the words in the darkest times of the night, but she desperately wanted to be the one having Elliot's child and then there she was, the only person who could ensure his safe arrival into this world. She waited outside the hospital room for Elliot and wondered why she was even there. This wasn't her family. She didn't need to watch him hug and kiss another woman and hold his child that wasn't also hers. But she stayed because maybe she might get even five minutes with him, and that was better than nothing. She could almost laugh at how pathetic she was. She was just his partner, but he was her whole world.

She knew now that wasn't true. She had never been just Elliot's partner. He had told her as much. He had admitted he had always had feelings for her, even confessed to wishing it was her he had slept with that night. And though she wished it too, she loved Eli so much that she could never honestly wish he hadn't been brought into this world.

Coming out of her own thoughts, Olivia returned her focus to the young boy. He was pushing around some Matchbox cars that Lizzie had got him, making crashing sounds as he forced them to collide. Olivia had gotten him some books that she knew wouldn't be as much fun to play with right away, but she hoped he would enjoy them before bed.

Once all the presents were opened, Kathy went into the kitchen to get the ice cream cake out of the freezer. She lit the candles and carried the cake in. Elliot held Eli up in front of the cake and when they had all finished singing, he helped his son blow out the candles. Eli clapped for himself again and Olivia smiled. She accepted a small piece of cake from Kathy and the two women exchanged a look. Olivia wasn't sure if she was reading Kathy correctly, but she thought the blonde was giving her permission to enjoy herself, to finally belong to a family.

Olivia looked down and focused on eating her cake, not wanting to become too emotional. She hated that she would have to concede that Elliot had been right about this evening. The only member of the family who hadn't yet embraced her had been Dick and she didn't take it personally. Not only had they had their issue, but he was a teenage boy and they were notorious for not caring about anything. It wasn't "cool."

Lizzie had passed over cake to retreat to her room, determined to finish her book tonight. Dick was sitting on the arm chair, just as entrenched in his video game as ever. Maureen and Kathleen, who had become much closer once Kathleen agreed to take her meds, were talking with their father. Kathy stood and scooped Eli up from the ground. "Alright, Eli. It's time for bath and then bed, okay?" The little boy was clearly exhausted, rubbing his eyes until they were red. He didn't want to go to bed, but he didn't have the energy to fight. "Liv?" Kathy asked. "Do you want to help me bathe him and put him down?"

She did. In the past, even as just as far back as this afternoon, she might have feared that Kathy would use this alone time to let her true feeling show without an audience. But she knew that Kathy would never do it in front of her young son and she also truly believed that Kathy didn't hate her. She had been so kind all evening when she really didn't have to be. "Yeah. Thanks, Kath."

The two women made their way upstairs and into the bathroom together, listening to Eli's babbling. Olivia stripped the boy while Kathy ran the water.

"You're so good with him, Olivia," Kathy said, swirling her fingers in the water to make sure it wasn't too hot.

"He makes it easy. He's such a good boy." Olivia ruffled Eli's hair and kissed the top of his head before placing him down in the water. Even though he was tired, Eli was able to rally enough to splash and laugh in the warm water.

"I want you to know, Olivia, that I don't blame the dissolution of my marriage on you. At all. I appreciate all you did for my marriage and my children. You kept my husband and the father of my children safe every day and sent him home to us whenever you could. I'm sure you probably feel guilty for developing feelings for him but it's not your fault. I know you and Elliot never crossed that line even though I'm sure there was a lot of temptation." Kathy washed Eli's skin gently with a soapy cloth as she spoke. Her voice was always so calm. She spoke like a mother no matter who she was talking to.

"Thank you, Kathy. It means a lot to me that you are supportive of Elliot and I being together."

"Because you would have ran if I hadn't been?" She asked, knowingly.

"To be honest, I'm scared of you. I'm scared of the influence you have over Elliot. If you weren't okay with it, I'm afraid Elliot would have rethought everything. That being torn between me and the mother of his children would be too much for him. I don't think I would have come out the winner."

Kathy laughed, but not with malice. "And I am afraid of the opposite. I know Elliot would never stop being a part of his children's lives, but I would like him to be a part of mine as well. I do still care for him. And I want us to be able to have family nights like we had tonight for our five children. If I didn't treat you with the respect you deserve, I'm afraid Elliot would cut me out entirely. I really do respect you, Olivia. Just know that you're not alone in your fears."

Olivia cupped water in her hands and let it run down Eli's head, washing the shampoo from his hair. "I had a wonderful time tonight," Olivia admitted. "I can't believe how well the kids have taken the news."

"They love you, Olivia. I know you have been alone for a long time and I know you have had a difficult life. Elliot told me about your mom. Don't be mad at him. He just wanted me to understand." Olivia wasn't sure if Kathy was referring to her mother's alcoholism or her rape, but before she could think too much about it, Kathy spoke again. "You don't have to be alone anymore. It's not always going to be easy and there will be plenty of bumps in the road but this is going to be your family now, too. Don't run. It would crush Elliot."

"I won't." Olivia looked down, hoping to conceal the tears that slipped from her cheeks. She picked Eli up and dried him off. She hadn't fooled the two year old though. Eli rubbed her cheek and asked, "Liv, you sad? No be sad Liv." He kissed her on the lips and Olivia was so overwhelmed with emotion she couldn't speak. She just kissed his tiny, rosy cheek and held his wet, naked body close to her like she had in the back of the ambulance two years ago. Only this time, he was comforting her.

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 **A/N: Eli/Olivia cuteness warms my heart. A note about Kathy: the only major thing I see wrong with the character is that she is between Elliot and Olivia, but that is not her fault. She didn't ask to be in that position. I don't like when stories bash her or make her the enemy out to ruin EO, so that's not going to happen in my story. Her acceptance of Olivia is genuine and though she might have some difficult moments, she will continue to be a kind and gracious character.**

 **Please review on your way out! Next up is a landmark chapter *if you know what I mean ;)* and the more reviews I get, the sooner I will post it.**


	14. Chapter 14

They were just over the bridge before Olivia spoke a word. She had been so lost in her own thoughts. Kathy had told her that this was her family too, but after almost 41 years alone, she wasn't sure she knew how to be a part of a family. Looking over at Elliot, she knew that she never wanted any other man, any other family. It was an intoxicating feeling to finally have both the life she had always dreamed of and the love she had always dreamed of within arms reach. She was determined not to screw it up, but she wanted Elliot to keep her accountable.

"El?" She placed her hand on his thigh.

"There you are," he smiled, looking straight ahead. "I've been waiting for you."

"Sorry. Just been thinking a lot."

"I'm sure. There was a lot to take in tonight. You want to talk about it?"

"Can I ask you for a favor? It's a big one."

"Sure, Liv. Anything."

"Can you promise me that you won't let me screw this up? I have wanted a life with you for as long as I can remember. Now that I have it, can you help me make sure I keep it?"

"Absolutely. That's easy. I'm never letting you go." Olivia moved her hand down to squeeze his knee before settling back on his thigh again.

"Can I ask what you and Kathy talked about when you were upstairs?" Olivia could feel how nervous he was. He knew it couldn't be that bad because both women had come down with smiles on their faces, but still, he was curious.

"It was nothing bad, El. She told me that she really does support us being together. That she knows we never crossed a line. That she has a lot of respect for me and appreciates how I have always had your back. That…" For some reason it felt weird to tell Elliot what Kathy said about her being a part of the family. It was like she was forcing herself on him. Like she had gone behind his back to get his ex-wife's permission. It was his family and even though he wanted to be with her, they hadn't discussed the relationship he wanted her to have with the kids.

"What is it?" They had been doing so well with communicating and Olivia didn't want to hold back. She didn't want any secrets between them. She would just be honest and hope for the best.

"She told me that I don't have to be alone anymore. That I'm a part of your family now."

Elliot beamed and removed his right hand from the steering wheel to cover Olivia's on his thigh. "You know I have to say 'I told you so.' I told you Kathy would be okay with it and the kids, too. I don't want to scare you away with too much at once. New relationship, new family. It's a lot. But it's all yours at whatever speed works for you, Olivia. You don't have to jump in head first. Take your time. I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

The words were on her tongue, threatening to jump, when Olivia decided to beat them to the punch. Take ownership of the words before they owned her. "I love you, Elliot."

Elliot was shocked. He had to force himself to pay attention to the road because he very easily could have wrapped their car around a pole in his current state. He never thought she would say the words first. He figured he would have to fight her, pull them out of her mouth kicking and screaming, tell her those three words a thousand times before she could even consider it. The woman never stopped surprising him. Life with her would never be boring. A few seconds had passed while he took in her words, but he knew every second she didn't hear them back she was questioning his feelings for her. He had wanted to say the words for years and finally he allowed them to fall from his mouth. "I love you, too, Liv. I always have and I always will."

The rest of the ride was silent. No more words were needed.

* * *

Elliot was just planning on walking Olivia upstairs, but when they got to her door, she kissed him passionately. He could feel himself getting worked up and he no longer wanted to go back to his empty apartment. It was way too early for her apartment to feel like home, but it was starting to be that wherever Olivia was, he wanted to be as well. They continued kissing outside her door until Olivia pulled back and whispered, "Stay."

"I don't know, Liv. I don't have any pajamas," he joked against her lips.

"Maybe you don't need them," She teased before pulling back and locking her eyes onto his. Her tone became serious. "There is only one thing that could make this night more perfect."

Elliot reached up to place his hand on her cheek. He already knew the answer, but he asked the question anyway. He wanted Olivia to say it. "What might that be?"

"Make love to -" Before she could finish her sentence, Elliot scooped her up into his arms. Olivia laughed.

"El, I have to unlock the door." He bent down a bit so that she could reach the doorknob, still in his arms. As soon as the door was unlocked, Elliot kicked it open, walked in, and kicked it closed behind him in a matter of seconds. He carried Olivia to her bedroom and laid her down on the bed. He shed his shirt and slipped his shoes off. Olivia pulled off her sweater and started unbuttoning her pants before Elliot shooed her hands away, taking over. Once she was clad only in her bra and underwear, Elliot joined her on the bed, covering her body with his. He attached his lips to her neck and began sucking on her soft skin.

"No marks. Work." She mumbled. Elliot wanted to mark her, but he understood that she wouldn't want it to be evident. He didn't want people at work asking questions either, so he moved his mouth to her cleavage while he unhooked her bra. Once it was off, he began to lick and suck her full breasts, leaving his marks there. No one would see them, but both he and Olivia would know they were there. The thought of Olivia walking around, attracting all kinds of male attention, while wearing the evidence of his love, made his temperature climb. He couldn't believe he was the one who got to take her home at night, kiss her, be inside of her.

Speaking of being inside her, Elliot couldn't wait to finally feel her tight walls envelop him. He brought his mouth back up to hers and kissed her slowly, languidly. No woman had ever turned him on as much as Olivia and she didn't even have to try. Between her long legs, gorgeous breasts, and incredible wetness, Olivia had a body that was made for sex. Elliot wanted to take her in every position he could think of. But tonight he wanted to go slow and make her feel the love he held for her. He wanted to cherish her. He wanted her so overwhelmed with love and ecstasy that she couldn't speak or even think.

Olivia had some wants of her own, and the first one was to feel more of Elliot's skin on hers. No barriers between them. She started tugging at his jeans and between the two of them, they were able to maneuver Elliot out of his pants without breaking their kiss. Olivia ran her hands along his muscular back, feeling the skin become slick with sweat. They were both down to their underwear, Elliot's legs between hers, and their hips were moving together. If the fabric hadn't been there, Elliot would have been inside of her. She wanted him inside her, completely. Her body, heart, and soul, as deep as he could go.

"I love you so much, Olivia. More than anything in the world," he said into her ear before sucking on her earlobe and kissing the skin behind it. His words along with the sensations of his rock hard chest brushing over her highly sensitive nipples and his long erection nudging at her clit with each thrust had Olivia at a loss for words. She just let out a string of moans, throwing her head back.

The sounds of her soft moans went straight to Elliot's groin causing his erection to harden even further. He moved back down to her breasts, sucking her nipples alternately. She was so responsive that he wondered if he could make her come like this, without ever touching her between her legs. He was too anxious to get inside of her to try it now, but he tucked the idea away in the back of his mind for another time. He ran his hand along her flat stomach, feeling the muscles contracting under his fingers, before slipping it under the waistband of her panties and down to cup her mound.

"Mmmm. El." He rubbed her folds gently, occasionally flicking her clit.

"You're so wet, Liv." His right hand was already soaked and two of his fingers slipped easily inside of her entrance. They danced inside of her for a minute before he found her sweet spot and began to rub her there.

Olivia took a few deep breaths and bit her bottom lip before choking out a full sentence, fighting through her pleasure to expel the words, "All for you, El. Only for you."

Her face contorted in pleasure as Elliot moved his fingers slowly in and out of her. He could feel her nails digging into his back as she began to clench around his fingers. When her orgasm began, she dragged her nails down his back so hard and so deep that Elliot screamed. He wouldn't be surprised if she drew blood.

He left his fingers inside of her until he was sure she was finished. She let out a small sound when he pulled them out of her. It was a sound of disappointment. "Don't worry, Liv. I'm coming right back," he said. Olivia began to push his boxers off his hips and Elliot helped her. Once they were below his knees, he kicked them off. He was now naked and he wanted Olivia to be too, practically tearing her soaked panties from her body.

When he was done, he resumed his position between her legs and his erection nudged at her entrance. "Mm, El," Olivia whispered, drawing out his name in pleasure. "I love you."

Elliot kissed her lips hungrily. He would never be able to get enough of her. He wanted every last bit; for them to be one. "You are everything," he said as he slowly entered her.

Her first orgasm had readied her, but it still stung a bit. Everything about Elliot was larger than life and his cock was no exception. He must have seen the slightest sign of discomfort on her face because he asked, "You okay? You're so tight, Liv. I'm not hurting you, am I?"

"No," she responded, placing kisses on his shoulder as he lay over her on his elbows.

"Good. You feel fucking incredible."

"El. Stop talking and make love to me." She reached down his body to squeeze his ass and as Elliot started thrusting in and out of her, he could feel her hands urging him to go deeper. Elliot obliged her and Olivia moved her hands back up, grabbing on to his upper arms. She wrapped her legs around his hips, feet digging into his ass. They moved together completely in sync. When Elliot pushed into her as far as he could go, her back arched up off the bed.

Elliot slowed his pace down a little, not wanting to finish before her. He shifted his weight so he could move his hand down to stimulate her clit.

Olivia looked up at him, eyes half closed, "You're inside me." She couldn't believe it. Elliot placed a soft kiss on her lips and suddenly everything that had ever happened in her life suddenly made sense. It was all leading up to this moment. If even one thing had been different, she might never have known what it was like to be filled totally and completely by the love of her life. Spread out beneath him, becoming one body, she was finally at ease. From this point forward, every moment she spent without Elliot inside of her, she would feel like there was a little piece of her missing.

Elliot was slowly losing control at the feeling of Olivia's hot, wet walls closing in on him. He gave her clit one final swipe before readjusting their bodies. He hoisted Olivia's legs as high as they would go and pounded into her with abandon. At this angle, his pubic bone stimulated her clit and drove Olivia mad. She looked down their bodies to watch his hard, wet cock slip in and out of her and the sight of it mixed with the unearthly pleasure sent her over the edge. Her orgasm triggered his and Elliot spilled himself inside of her. He came long and hard and her body accepted all that he had to offer, the contractions of her walls pulling his fluid deep into her.

Elliot looked down at her gorgeous, naked body one more time before collapsing on the bed. Dizzy from the most incredible climax he had ever experienced, only one word was clear in the haze of his thoughts. _Mine._

He rolled over onto his back and pulled Olivia into him. She rested her head and right arm on his chest and tucked her right leg between his. Elliot kissed the hair at the crown of her head. "Good night, Liv. I love you." And he knew that this time, she heard it.

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 **A/N: I have a hard time reading my own smut so if there are any errors due to lack of proofreading, please forgive me. Pretty please review!**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: I was a little disappointed with the lack of reviews for the last chapter. Ch 14 had a lot of views, but only a couple people left their thoughts (which I really appreciate, so thank you to those who did!). Does that mean you guys didn't like it? Let me know. Your feedback is what's driving this story.**

 ***I own nothing. These beautiful characters belong to Dick Wolf.***

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Olivia woke up the next morning alone in bed. Her heart fell for a moment until she heard the clatter of pots and pans coming from the kitchen. Once she knew that Elliot hadn't left her after their night of passion, she was able to gather herself. She was still naked, the white sheet only covering her lower half. She could see the marks Elliot had left on her breasts. If that were to become a regular thing, she wouldn't mind.

When she sat up a bit to stretch, she could feel the soreness between her legs. No man had ever left such tingling sensations that remained hours later. She swung her legs to the side of the bed, attempting to get up slowly, so as not to pull anything. Just as she stood up, Elliot came in carrying a tray full of food. He was wearing only his boxers and at the sight of his body, Olivia wanted to surrender to him all over again. "Sit back down, Benson. You're not going anywhere."

Olivia smiled at his use of her last name and got back into bed. "What are you gonna do? Cuff me to the bed?"

"Don't give me any ideas," Elliot growled and an image flashed through Olivia's mind. Her arms bound to the headboard, Elliot doing deliciously naughty things to her body, while all she could do was lie there and take it.

Elliot plopped the tray on her lap and climbed in next to her after shedding his boxers. There were two plates of eggs (hers scrambled, his sunny-side up), bacon, and strawberries, and two glasses of orange juice. This was another first for Olivia. No man had ever brought her breakfast in bed. "I don't know about you," Elliot said. "But I worked up quite the appetite last night." He plucked a piece of bacon from his plate and devoured it, winking at her.

How this man could be so sexy and romantic as well as childish and playful, she didn't know. But she loved him for it. So she told him, "I love you," because every time she said the words, she felt a rush of adrenaline.

"I love hearing you say that," Elliot kissed her between bites of his eggs. He pulled back a bit and looked in her eyes. "I will love you forever, Olivia."

Men told her they loved her often. They yelled it at her on the street, they said it in bars to get her to go home with them, they whispered it in bed when what they meant was that they loved having sex with her. She had believed that the only man who had ever meant it when he said it was her first love, when she was seventeen. But not anymore. Thanks to Elliot, she knew for the first time what it really meant to be loved. She also knew now that she had never truly loved anyone that came before him.

Elliot picked up a strawberry from her plate and held it to her lips. She bit into it seductively and Elliot covered her mouth with his, tasting her and the fruit. She giggled into his mouth and pulled her lips away from his. "If you want a second round, you better let me eat this breakfast," she said sternly but with a smile.

"Yes, Ma'am," Elliot said, his hand raised in a fake salute. She slapped his chest playfully and went back to eating her breakfast. Elliot scarfed his down in minutes and waited patiently for her to finish. As soon as she dropped her fork back down on her empty plate, Elliot moved the tray to the ground and climbed on top of Olivia, pulled the sheet off her body entirely.

He kissed a path down her body all the way to juncture of her thighs. He smelled her arousal and moaned at the scent that was becoming familiar to him. He began licking her methodically, not intending to bring her to orgasm yet, just hoping to stoke the fires of her arousal. With his mouth against her he said, "I could do this all day. How is it possible that you taste this good? Forget eggs and bacon. I could live off of you."

Olivia looked down at him. The sight of the top of his head between her legs caused knots to form in stomach. Knots that could only be untied by the climax that Elliot was in no rush to give her as he kissed her inner thighs lazily. She had no time for slow and sensual. She wanted to come. Now. "No talking, Elliot. Use your tongue for other things," she said, scraping her fingers through his hair as she pushed his face into her wet pussy.

Following orders, Elliot used his tongue (and fingers) to tease Olivia until she threatened to kill him if he didn't make her come in the next ten seconds. She started counting backwards and hadn't even made it to six when Elliot blew on her clit as his fingers rubbed her G-spot. Her screams seemed to echo throughout the apartment and Elliot was pretty proud of himself.

Coming down from her high, she rolled onto her side to face Elliot. "What do you say we quit our jobs and just have sex all day, every day?"

"Mmmm. If I didn't have five children to support, I'd be calling Cragen right now." He lifted himself back on top of her, ready to be inside her.

"El?" Olivia asked, rubbing his back as he kissed her neck. His words had sparked something in her. There was only one thing missing from her life now that she had Elliot.

"Mmm?"

Olivia bit her lip, wondering if she should ask. She wanted to; she had to know. But when she realized that she might not like the answer, she decided to just forget about it. She didn't want to lose Elliot so she was willing to sacrifice something that she had almost accepter would never happen for her.

"Never mind." She reached for his erection and ran her hand over the tip.

"Stop." Elliot tried to pull back, but Olivia wouldn't let go of his dick. "Liv. Stop."

"What?" She looked genuinely concerned that he was turning her down.

"You tell me what. Don't 'never mind' me, Liv. What were you going to say?"

She couldn't tell him. Not if she wanted the morning to continue the way it was going. "Nothing, Elliot. Forget it, okay? Now just fuck me like I know you want to," she gestured at his rock hard length.

"No. I don't want to forget it. And I'm not going to 'just fuck you.' Talk to me, Olivia."

"El, please. Don't."

"What is it, Liv? I said something about my kids. Does it have to do with that? I thought we resolved that last night. You love them, they love you. What's the problem?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Elliot." She pulled the sheet around her body and rolled away, her back to him. That's when it hit him.

"Fuck. Liv," he rubbed her back soothingly. "Liv, I know we haven't talked about it in a long time, but do you still want a baby?"

Her silence was all the answer he needed. He couldn't imagine how difficult it must be for her to spend time with his kids, no matter how much she loved them, believing she would never have one of her own. "You should have one, Liv. You would be the most amazing mom."

She rolled back over and Elliot saw tears in her eyes. "No, El. I don't want one. I don't need one. I just need you. I can't lose you. Not for a baby, not for anything." She sounded almost desperate, a word he never associated with Olivia Benson.

"Hey, hey, hey. We have already had this discussion. You are never going to lose me. Who says it has to be one or the other? You think I won't want you if you want a baby?" Again, she was silent. "Olivia, you have to work on this insecurity thing. I am never going to leave you. And if you want a baby, then let's put the topic of conversation on the table."

"El, you already have five kids."

"So? Is there a rule about five being the maximum number of kids a guy is allowed to have? Yeah, I have five kids. But you don't have any. And I don't have any with you. If we had a baby together, it would be a dream come true. I'm not saying we make one right this minute. I am just saying that because you want it - because we want it, it should be something we talk about. Communication, remember?"

Olivia took a deep breath. She saw in his eyes that he really meant it. He would want to have a baby with her. She pulled him into her and kissed him deeply, her body thrumming with arousal. Elliot was inside her within seconds and their bodies danced together in a beautiful duet. After a few minutes, she could feel by the way he tensed up that he was ready to come and she whispered in his ear, "In me. I have an IUD." They hadn't even thought about protection the first time, so caught up in their need for one another. But after the baby talk, it was on Olivia's mind.

"For now," Elliot answered as he released his seed inside of her, causing Olivia to tumble over the edge as well.

* * *

 **A/N: More? Please review. Even just a few words would make my day.**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: The people want more, so I shall deliver. I'm going to be on vacation for a week so I'm not sure how often I'll be able to post. I have been spoiling you guys with once a day updates and I might not be able to keep up with that.**

 **Enjoy! :)**

* * *

Another week went by and while Elliot and Olivia were able to keep their relationship completely professional at work, it was starting to get to Olivia that they were lying. Not outright, no one had asked them if they were a couple, but a lie of omission was just as bad. Before she and Elliot had become a couple, the squad had been her only family.

Fin was her protective older brother, Munch was her wacky but lovable uncle, Cragen was the closest thing to a father she had ever known. She knew that any one of them would take a bullet for her in a heartbeat, just like she would for them. She didn't want to keep the most important thing that had ever happened to her from them. They would share in her joy because they only ever wanted to see Olivia happy.

But she wasn't ready to for things to change at work and she knew they would. Elliot was her partner and she couldn't imagine doing the job with anyone else by her side. But she knew that if they disclosed, there was a very slim chance they could continue working together.

Elliot had spent the week sleeping at his place. He reasoned that if he was paying the rent he might as well spend some time there/ Olivia agreed that it was too soon for them to spend every night together, but she had to admit she missed him. It was his weekend with his kids, Eli and the twins would be staying at his apartment. He had invited her to spend time with them and she had politely declined, saying they needed time together without her.

Sitting home alone on Saturday morning, she was beginning to regret her decision. It was so quiet in her apartment and while it never used to bother her, she found herself hating it. Too much of her life was spent alone, surrounded by silence. She craved noise, people. Not just any people, Stablers. Her "family." She wondered once more if the children, Eli aside, would ever really accept Olivia as part of their family. They had been kind and open at dinner last week, but that was different than really being a family. She remembered Maureen's offer to get lunch and decided to reach out.

The phone rang twice before Maureen's soft voice answered, "Hello?"

"Hi Maureen, it's Liv."

"Oh, hey Liv. What's up?"

"Not much. I don't know what you have going on today but if you're free, I was wondering if I could take you to lunch." As soon as the words left her mouth she steeled herself for rejection.

It didn't come. "I'd love that. I'm supposed to go furniture shopping with my boyfriend for his new apartment at 3:00 so would you maybe want to meet in Midtown around noon?"

"That would be great." Olivia smiled.

"Cool, I'll text you the address of this place near my apartment."

Olivia hung up the phone, proud of herself for reaching out and excited that her gesture had been accepted. Each of his five children was a piece of Elliot's heart and that meant that Olivia already loved them more than they could ever know. Maureen was 25 years old so she would never look at Olivia in a motherly way like Eli already did, but she wanted to be a friend to her, a confidante.

* * *

When Olivia arrived at the restaurant, Maureen was already there. As Olivia approached the table, Maureen stood up to greet her and she pulled the young woman into a hug. They sat down across the table from one another and Olivia took in Maureen's appearance. There had been so much on her mind last week that she hadn't really observed how much she had changed since the last time the detective saw her. Her blue eyes looked just like Elliot's, but everything else about her was Kathy. Kathleen was the Stabler daughter who looked the most like her father.

They made small talk for a while and Maureen revealed that she had indeed decided to apply that to that Ph.D. program at NYU. She admitted that she had taken Olivia's insistence that she go for it to heart. Olivia was proud that her words had had an impact on her.

"So you mentioned that you were going shopping with your boyfriend later. Can I ask about him?"

"Dan. He's great. We met through friends from college. He was roommates with one of my best friends' boyfriend. We were actually in a few psychology classes together, but never talked to one another. We started dating about six months ago. It's still early, but I can really picture our life together. I think he might be the one. It just feels right in a way no other relationship ever has, ya know?"

Olivia knew. She was in the same boat. She wasn't sure how much she should talk about her relationship with Elliot with his daughter, however. She didn't want to make her uncomfortable. Maureen had caught on due to her silence and interrupted her thoughts. "Is that how you feel about Dad?"

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, Mo."

"No, it's fine. I know you make my dad so happy. I can see it in his eyes. I'm glad he makes you happy too."

"He does. Very much. I feel the same way about him as you do about Dan."

"It's kind of scary, isn't it?" Maureen asked, looking for Olivia to validate her conflicting feelings.

"Absolutely terrifying," Olivia nodded. "I have never loved anyone the way I love your father. I'm in completely uncharted territory."

Maureen reached for her hand across the table and squeezed it. "It will all work out Liv. For both of us. I have a good feeling about it." The women smiled at each other before returning to their meals.

"I can't believe Thanksgiving is this Thursday," Maureen said. "You and Dad have any plans?"

Olivia hadn't thought about it. She usually spent Thanksgiving alone, eating Chinese takeout and drinking wine. The same way she spent Christmas. "Um, I don't really know what we're doing. I don't even know if he'll want to spend the day together. Won't he be with you guys?"

"Liv," Maureen said, incredulously. "Of course he will want to spend it with you. Mom is taking Eli and the twins to visit her parents in Florida. But even if she wasn't, he wouldn't just spend the holiday with us and leave you out in the cold. And neither would we. I had a talk with Mom after you left the other night. I know she told you that we are your family now, too. And we are, Liv."

"Mo, I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything. Just stop doubting yourself. You are lovable, Olivia. You can be part of a family. You may have had a tough time, but you aren't broken. Dad can be a very patient guy, but, trust me, it's going to get to him if you never believe in your relationship."

"Okay." Olivia took a bite of her salad and the conversation changed direction. But Maureen's words were in the back of her head. She loved Elliot and she didn't want her fear of being unworthy to be the thing that pushed him away. Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy.

* * *

That night before bed, Olivia was curled up with a book. Her phone began to vibrate on her nightstand and she reached for it immediately, hoping it wasn't a case. It was Elliot.

"Hey," she answered, folding down the page in her book and dropping it on the bed.

"Hey, Liv."

"How's your weekend with the kids going?"

"It's great. Eli keeps asking for you, though. He cried when I told him you weren't tucking him into bed tonight."

"Aww, I miss him."

"What about me?" He teased. "Don't you miss me?"

"Eh."

"Ouch." She could hear him chuckle through the phone. "Liv you know you don't have to stay away when I'm with the kids. I want you to be here."

They had already had this discussion earlier in the week when she had told him she wouldn't be coming by this weekend. She really didn't want to have the same talk all over again.

"I had lunch with Maureen today." A diversion, but still focused on kids and family. Elliot let it slide because he was surprised by her announcement and wanted to know more.

"Yeah? How'd that come about? Everything go okay?"

"I invited her. I know I didn't want to come over this weekend, I wasn't ready for that yet, but I was a little lonely. So I figured what I could do was pick up the phone and call your daughter. Because I do want this Elliot."

"Liv, I am learning what it's like to bring someone new into a family at the same time as you are learning your own things. I understand if there are things you don't know how to handle yet. I want you to move at your own pace, I really do. I am so happy that you called Maureen and you guys went to lunch. That is a big step, Liv."

"Thank you, El. Lunch was really nice. I can't believe how grown up she is. I remember when you were worried that she might kiss, or god forbid, have sex with her formal date." She had always loved how protective he was, it was one of the first things that drew her to him. She could protect herself, but when she was with Elliot, she didn't have to.

"Ugh, don't remind me. You think she's still a virgin?" He laughed.

"Come on, El. It's not like you're opposed to sex. In fact, if I remember correctly, you're a pretty huge fan of it."

"Yeah, for me. Not for my daughter."

Olivia smiled. "Well after the way she spoke about her boyfriend today, I would just be glad that she's in a committed relationship with a good guy."

"Sound familiar?"

Suddenly the conversation turned serious. But Olivia didn't mind. It was her turn to reassure Elliot. "It does. We bonded over finally finding the one."

Elliot groaned. "I wish you were here right now."

"Yeah? What would you do?" She asked seductively.

"You can't even imagine."

"Mmmm. You're getting me worked up." She rubbed her legs together at the idea of what Elliot would do if they were together. She was extremely happy with their sex life.

" _I'm_ getting _you_ worked up? Liv, I'm so hard it physically hurts. I'm gonna go take a freezing cold shower."

"You have fun with that," she said, her voice was becoming sleepy. She loved teasing him. It was important to her that they keep the banter that was such an important part of their dynamic as their relationship grew and evolved. "So El, what are we doing for Thanksgiving? Maureen mentioned Kathy was taking the twins and Eli to see her parents."

"Yeah, I was thinking of doing a quiet dinner at my apartment. It can be just the two of us if you want. Or we can invite Maureen and Kathleen."

"That sounds nice. Let's invite them. We can always spend time just the two of us." She yawned. "Thanksgiving is a family holiday. I'd like to have people around."

Elliot could tell how tired she was and he said softly, "Sounds like a plan. Good night, Liv. I love you." She would never get tired of hearing those words.

"I love you too, El."

* * *

 **A/N: If I don't update for a few days, I promise I'm not forgetting this story, I'm just enjoying my vacation. If it's any consolation, I have decided to break away from canon for the most part on this story and create the life I would have liked to see for Liv and El. So there is A LOT more to come.**

 **Don't forget to review! It is my #1 motivator.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Already had this chapter written so I decided to post it early.**

* * *

Thanksgiving with the girls went really well and Olivia and Elliot's relationship was growing every day. Olivia was becoming more sure of herself and how she fit into Elliot's family. When the twins and Eli got back from Florida, Elliot and Olivia took them to dinner. When Dick apologized for his accusation, Olivia told him she had forgiven him a long time ago. It was like the final piece of the puzzle that was needed for Olivia to find her footing with the Stablers. She knew there would be difficult moments ahead, but she was no longer afraid that they wouldn't accept her as part of their family.

That milestone had done wonders for her relationship with Elliot. They were communicating about everything, spending almost all of their time together, and having mind-blowing sex on a regular basis. Olivia's birthday was coming up in a few days and she had told Elliot she didn't want anything special, just dinner and a quiet night with him.

Her birthday was on Friday and it was Elliot's weekend with the kids so Dick and Lizzie were staying with friends that night while Kathleen had Eli sleeping over at her place. The next morning, Elliot insisted that the whole family would go out to brunch. Olivia was looking forward to it almost as much as she was her night with Elliot. It was crazy how much things could change in just a month.

A suspect in their latest rape case had gone missing, so Elliot and Olivia were on surveillance outside his apartment, and had been all day. It was cold out, but they couldn't have the car running all day so they were both bundled up in extra layers. Elliot had offered to go get coffee from a nearby bodega, so Olivia's eyes were glued on the building she was supposed to be watching, not wanting to miss anything, even though she knew there was no chance the guy was coming home tonight.

Elliot knocked on the driver's side window and Olivia reached over to unlock the door. He had left the keys for her in case she wanted to turn the heat on for a few minutes. As he sat, he handed Olivia her coffee and placed a quick kiss on her lips. It was becoming a habit, and he had to make sure not to slip up at the station house or in front of anyone from work. But tucked away in the sedan, a little kissing was totally fine.

Olivia sipped her coffee gratefully, feeling the hot liquid travel down her throat. The heat radiated through the styrofoam cup, warming her hands.

"Still no sign of him?" Elliot asked.

"Zip. Zilch. Nada."

"What do you say we give it another hour to appease Cragen and then we call it a day? I'm dying to crawl into your warm bed and feel your body heat against me."

Olivia nodded. "Sounds perfect." When Elliot didn't have the kids, he pretty much lived at Olivia's place. He spent the odd night at his apartment, but he now had some clothes and toiletries had at Olivia's, so there was no reason he had to leave at night. Olivia didn't have a spare bedroom so he always hosted the kids at his place, and he was excited that Olivia would be spending the weekend with them all for the first time.

"Hey, El."

"Yeah?"

"Do you think maybe it's time to disclose?"

It was. They should have disclosed from the beginning. Cragen had stuck his neck out for the two of them more times than they could count and Elliot had never wanted to deceive the man. But he also didn't want to shake things up in their relationship. They were finally in the place Elliot had always wanted them to be and he was scared that if they left the bubble, everything would change. What if they couldn't work together anymore? Would one of them have to leave SVU? What if they didn't have time for one another anymore? What if one of them resented the other for being the reason they had to give up they job they loved?

"El?"

"I don't know, Liv. I'm afraid of messing with the status quo."

"Me too, El. But I think if we lay it all out on the table and we know what we are dealing with, we can adjust. It might be harder to deal with change the longer we wait."

It was quite the role reversal. Usually Olivia was unsure and Elliot tried to reason with her to calm her fears. It was nice to see that their dynamic was flexible. "You're absolutely right, Liv. Can we wait until after Christmas and New Years, though? Selfishly, I just want to spend the holidays exactly like we are right now."

Olivia leaned over and kissed him, slipping her tongue into his mouth. She caressed his tongue with hers, tasting his coffee. When she pulled away, she placed a kiss on his nose before resting her forehead against his. "Definitely," she answered.

* * *

For Olivia's birthday, Elliot had made dinner reservations at a fancy French restaurant on the Upper East Side. Usually they ate takeout and, on rare occasions, Elliot made dinner at Olivia's place. They hadn't had a real night out since their first date. He got ready at his place because all of his nicer clothes were there. When he got to Olivia's place he used his key.

"Liv, I'm here." He called out.

"One sec, El." She yelled from her bedroom.

Elliot sat down on the couch and checked his phone. Kathleen had sent him a picture of her and Eli playing with blocks. The text message read, "Have fun tonight, Dad. Give Liv a birthday kiss from Eli. xo." He smiled. He had worried that all the time he spent at work had damaged his relationships with his kids beyond repair, but it wasn't true. They had been so understanding and so willing to give him another chance. Eli's birth had been like pressing the reset button on their family and things were better than ever. Things would never be perfect, but he was getting along with his ex-wife phenomenally, his kids were a huge part of his life, and he had the love of his life by his side. He was a lucky bastard.

When Olivia came out of her bedroom, slipping into her heels as she walked, it hit him again how much he loved her. She was greater than any fantasy woman he could ever have dreamed up. And she loved _him._ He had no idea how he had gotten so lucky. She looked incredible in a short, red dress that displayed her beautiful cleavage. Elliot wanted to abandon dinner and spend the night with his head between her breasts. Olivia grabbed her winter coat off the back of a dining room chair and Elliot stood up to help her into it. There would be plenty of time for sex later. Olivia deserved a night out on the town.

* * *

Olivia sipped her champagne slowly, staring at Elliot across the table. He was the best birthday present she could imagine. She had always hated her birthday growing up. When she was young, her mom drank and slept the day away, refusing to look at Olivia. She always thought that the next year would be different. She would get home from school and her mom would have decorations strewn up around the apartment and tons of presents like her friends got. But it never happened. While her friends got birthday parties at ice rinks and arcades and parks, Olivia got a plain pink birthday cake a week later that her mother left on the counter for her while she was "out with a friend."

She didn't understand why the day made her mom so miserable until she told Olivia, when she was thirteen, that she was the product of rape. She felt guilty for her mother's pain and as a result, she started hating her birthday as well. But this year, she had found that she was actually looking forward to the day. There was a handsome, incredible man across from her who wanted to celebrate her and shower her with love. It was everything she had ever dreamed of, but never thought she would actually have. Elliot's eyes asked her what she was thinking and she answered with words, "Thank you for loving me."

"Thank you for letting me love you," he said, grasping her hand across the small, round table. After a few seconds, Elliot picked the conversation back up, sharing with her some good news. "So since Kathy had the kids for Thanksgiving, we are going to get them for Christmas."

"Really?" Olivia beamed. "I can't wait to see Eli's face on Christmas morning. Oh, El. We have to do a big thing. I know he's only two and the twins know about Santa, but still I really want it to be special."

"Absolutely. We'll make it the best Christmas ever. When I see you with him, I know you are going to be the most wonderful mother. I really do want us to talk about it. Nothing would make me happier than to have a baby with you, Liv."

Olivia had always wanted children, but at the same time she was afraid. She worried what horrible genes she might pass on to a child of her own. Between her alcoholic mother and her rapist father, the prospects didn't look good. But Elliot had reassured her that it wasn't all about the genetics at play when he told her in the squad room that day as tears slipped from her eyes, _Look how great you turned out_. She knew that any child she had with Elliot would be absolutely perfect. Especially if he or she had daddy's blue eyes. She also worried about how she would be as a mother since she didn't have a good example in her own. She knew she had maternal instincts with other children, but everything was different with your own kid. At least Elliot was already an amazing father. He could teach her whatever didn't come naturally.

"Okay, El. We'll talk about it. But not tonight, okay? I don't want to make any big decisions right now. I just want to enjoy my night with you."

* * *

When they got back to Olivia's place that night, there was a path of rose petals leading from the door into her bedroom. Olivia's jaw dropped. "El, how did you? What did you? Who?"

Elliot smiled, glad he had pulled off his little surprise. "I may or may not have made Maureen a copy of my key and asked her to stop by after we left. Do you like it?"

Olivia wrapped her arms around Elliot and kissed him deeply, pouring her love and gratitude from her mouth into his. She pushed Elliot against the wall and began working on his pants.

"Liv," he said between kisses. "There's more. Bedroom." Olivia pulled back enough to let Elliot lead her to her bedroom. Inside there were hundreds of rose petals on the floor and the bed. The room was lit by at least two dozen electric tea lights.

Olivia was at a loss for words. This was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her. Elliot brushed her hair out of her face before grabbing her hands in his and turning her to face him. "Olivia, I love you so much. I wanted to make this birthday your best one yet. You are the kindest, strongest, most beautiful, most incredible woman I have ever known. You amaze me every single day." If he said one more word, Olivia was afraid she would spend the rest of her birthday crying in bed, so overwhelmed by the way he cherished her.

To shut him up, she reached for the zipper at her side and tugged it down. She slipped her arm out and let the dress fall. The dress was one that did not require a bra and she guessed Elliot hadn't figured that out because he looked surprised to be faced with her naked breasts. Olivia kept her black heels and black thong on as she made her way to the bed and came to rest on top of the sea of red petals. Elliot followed every movement of her with his eyes. She shook her hair out behind her and said to him, "Show me how much you love me."

He was more than happy to.

* * *

 **A/N: Smut for the next chapter?**

 **Please review!**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: The last few chapters didn't get much response. I'd love to hear more of your opinions. I have the next few chapters written and coming up we have: Christmas, telling the squad, and the episode P.C.**

 **In the mean time, here is the smut that you guys teased me for even asking about, lol.**

* * *

 _Olivia kept her black heels and black thong on as she made her way to the bed and came to rest on top of the sea of red petals, Elliot following her with his eyes. She shook her hair out behind her and said to Elliot, "Show me how much you love me."_

 _He was more than happy to._

Elliot walked slowly over to the bed, his eyes never leaving her body. He came to stand between her legs and reached down. Cupping his hand around the back of her neck, he pulled her up to a sitting position, their mouths meeting in a kiss. He could feel his knees buckling under the pressure of how much he wanted her. Every time they were together felt like the first time. Briefly he wondered if he would ever get used to the fact she was his. He swore silently that he would never take her for granted.

Their mouths fit together as if they had been molded for one another. Olivia relished the feeling of Elliot's strong tongue in her mouth. She moaned as she felt him start to withdraw. Through hooded lashes she looked up at him and asked silently why he had pulled away. Elliot slipped his hands under her armpits and lifted her from the edge of the bed, moving her back until she was laying flat in the middle of the bed. "Turn over," his strong voice commanded.

Lying on her stomach now, the rose petals tickled her breasts. She felt the dip of the bed as Elliot crawled to her. Olivia turned to look at him and saw him come to rest on his knees, straddling her body. He squirted some oil in his hands, she didn't know where he had hidden that surprise, and rubbed his hands together to warm it. Her body already relaxing, Olivia brought her arms up and laid her head on them. She closed her eyes and tuned out everything that was not Elliot.

His warm, slippery hands finally touched her bare skin, sending shivers down Olivia's body. He worked her strong shoulders before moving his hands in and working on her neck. Olivia let out a few groans when he dug deep in particularly tight areas. His hands covered the entire expanse of her back and when they moved lower, she felt him place gentle kisses on her shoulder blades. As he dragged her thong down her body, Olivia focused on her keeping her breathing steady. Her body was electric with excitement and need.

The bed dipped once more as Elliot stood up and removed his own clothing. Olivia turned her head to watch him strip. When he was down to his briefs, Olivia licked her lips. She couldn't believe how sexy the man was. She would always want him on top of her, wrapped around her, moving inside of her. Elliot must have caught her staring and his voice, full of arousal, asked, "See something you like?"

"Something I love."

Elliot removed the last piece of clothing before he joined her on the bed again. Olivia rolled onto her back and Elliot straddled her again. Elliot's hands, still covered in oil, were full of her soft breasts. His thumbs flicked her nipples causing her to writhe underneath him. A chorus of moans erupted from her as she felt his erection begin to penetrate her.

"Ah."

Elliot kissed her, swallowing her moans as he started to move inside her. His movements were slow and sensual and they took Olivia's breath away. Her skin tingled everywhere that he touched her and even though he had only been in her for a short time, she felt ready to explode. There was an ache inside of her, that had been there all her life, and now she knew that only Elliot would ever be able to relieve it.

As they made love there was a part of Olivia that wanted to take control. With her previous lovers she preferred to be on top, in command, anything but vulnerable. But with Elliot she could surrender entirely, so instead she lifted her hips allowing Elliot to sink inside of her even further.

From the long groan and the "fuck-k, Liv" that he let out, she could tell he approved. He continued thrusting into her and when Olivia started to feel that familiar tingling in her toes and heaviness in her belly, she threw her head back and gripped the sheets. Elliot kissed her exposed neck, whispering, "Let go, Liv. I love you. Come for me." With that she erupted and Elliot followed not long after.

They stayed in that position, with Elliot inside of her for a few minutes before rolling to their sides. Elliot slipped out of Olivia gently and she tucked her head in his neck. He stroked her oily back with one hand while the other buried itself in her hair. Olivia was at a loss for words, still coming down from her intense orgasm, but she whispered into his neck, "Best birthday ever."

* * *

 **A/N: More? Please review!**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: I know it's July, but let's just pretend it's Christmas, just for this chapter. #BenslerFamilyChristmas #MajorFluffAhead**

* * *

There was not one inch of Elliot's apartment that wasn't covered in Christmas decorations. There were white lights strung up on the walls, a wreath on every door, red and green throw pillows on the couch. A six foot tree stood in the living room full of multicolored lights, garland, and the kids' handmade ornaments, with a bright silver star on top. Dick had joked that it looked like Santa's workshop threw up on the place. But Olivia loved it.

She knew there was more to Christmas than decorations, but she still wanted the place to look festive. Elliot had teased her about it, but he was more than happy to indulge her. She wanted to make the holiday special for Eli, she said, but it was her first Christmas with a family and Elliot wanted it to be special for her as well.

It was Christmas Eve and Olivia was sitting on the couch with Eli on her lap, watching Rudolph. Dick and Lizzie had gone to their rooms after dinner to do whatever it was that sixteen year olds did. Eli loved the movie and while Elliot cleaned up in the kitchen, he could hear the boy narrating the story to Olivia, who seemed to be hanging on his every word. This was never how Elliot thought he would spend his first Christmas as a divorced man, but he couldn't be happier.

Before the kids had arrived this evening, he and Olivia had made love under the Christmas tree. It was something Elliot had seen in a few of the holiday movies Kathy had made him watch over the years and he always thought it was ridiculous. But he wanted to do everything with Olivia and all of the sudden it actually seemed sweet. When he proposed the idea, she laughed before pushing him down to the ground and climbing on top of him. He might have been in his forties, but Olivia had restored his sex drive to that of a young man. She had also restored his joy and excitement to that of a child.

Elliot walked back into the living room and sat down on the couch, snuggling up to the two of them. Olivia rested her head on his shoulder and Eli said, without looking away from the television, "Daddy, it's Rudolph. He saves Christmas, Daddy."

"That's right, little man. We gotta get you to bed soon so that Santa and Rudolph can come bring presents." Olivia had spent the morning meticulously wrapping all of the kids' gifts, even though the twins would just tear carelessly through the paper and Eli wouldn't even notice how much effort she had put in.

"Okay, Daddy." He leaned back against Olivia, his head on her breasts. He didn't usually suck his thumb, but tonight he slipped his right one into his mouth while he watched the movie.

Elliot kissed the top of Olivia's head and whispered to her, "You having a good Christmas, Liv?"

"The best." He closed his eyes and let the sound of the movie and the feel of his Olivia's body against him lull him into a light sleep.

* * *

When he woke up a few hours later, he was alone in the living room. All the lights had been turned off except for those on the Christmas tree. The presents had already been put under the tree and the milk and cookies left out for Santa had been devoured. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and made his way into his bedroom, when he opened the door the sight he was met with took his breath away.

Olivia was laying on her side facing the inside of the bed. She was spooned around Eli's small body. His red pajama shirt had ridden up so that his stomach was visible, along with the top of his diaper (he still sometimes had accidents at night) which stuck out of his Santa-print bottoms. Olivia's arm lay over him protectively. Eli had one arm wrapped around his teddy and the other up to his face, his thumb still in his mouth.

The image tugged at his heart. It felt unreal that this was his life now. He wanted to snap a picture but it was too dark and the flash might wake them, so he just stared. The visual only cemented Elliot's desire to make Olivia a mother. He wanted to marry her, give her babies, and spend the rest of his life just looking at her.

His body called out to be intertwined with hers so Elliot pulled off his jeans and replaced them with a pair of flannel pants before getting into the bed. He laid on the other side of Eli and tangled his cool feet with Olivia's warm ones. He slung his arm over her waist and kissed her lips gently. Olivia stirred in her sleep, but didn't wake. Elliot joined the two of them in sleep within minutes.

* * *

The kids went back to Kathy's for Christmas dinner and Olivia was sad to see them go. Especially Eli. She was so attached to the boy. The more time she spent with him, the more she craved a child of her own. She was washing up in the bathroom when she heard soft music coming from the living room. Elliot was standing in the middle of the room, the coffee table pushed up against the couch. Slow Christmas music played from the radio. "What are you doing, El?"

He reached his hand out to her. "Dance with me, Liv."

She accepted his hand and he pulled her into him. One of her legs slipped between his. Their intertwined hands rested against Elliot's chest with her other arm around his shoulders and his around her waist. Their bodies were pressed together, touching as much as possible and they rocked gently from side to side. This time last year, Olivia never could have imagined she would end up here. She had put Elliot in a box marked "Off Limits," and somehow when she wasn't paying attention he had broke out and snuck up behind her. She never would have made the first move, so she was overwhelmingly glad that Elliot had told her a few days after O'Halloran's death that he was going to put her first. Over the last seven months he had done exactly that. Elliot had been so patient, kind, and loving. She hadn't dared to imagine that she might ever witness that side of him and now she couldn't picture her life without it.

"Merry Christmas," he said, rubbing her lower back.

"Mmmm. It was a picture perfect Christmas, El." They were silent for a few minutes, moving slowly together.

She could hear Elliot draw in a breath and she anticipated his words, "Liv, we've put the conversation off for over a month, but seeing you with my kids - the way you love them, watching you play with Eli - I really want to have a baby with you."

Olivia buried her face in his neck. "Elliot, being a mother is the one thing I want the most in the world, but I'm scared."

"Of what, Liv?" He wasn't annoyed, she could tell. He genuinely wanted to ease her fears.

"Of how much I want it. Of it not working out. Of passing on my terrible genes to a child, even though I know you think nurture matters more than nature. I'm scared I'll have no idea what I'm doing and I'll screw everything up." Her breath hitched and she stopped speaking.

"You deserve to have everything you want, Liv. It will work out. If I have to make love to you a dozen times a day until you get pregnant, that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make," he winked, causing Olivia's heart to jump. "We will make a child. I will satisfy every, single pregnancy craving, food or sex. I will rub your feet and your back and read to our child in your belly. Our child will be amazing. Your genes will not taint him or her. They will make our child brave, brilliant, strong, and compassionate. You will be the world's greatest mother and I will be there every step of the way. You can always fall back on me if you aren't sure."

As Olivia let his words sink in, she took deep breaths, inhaling his scent. She closed her eyes and tried to picture it. She hadn't let herself imagine having a child since the case where the tank of embryos was stolen and they didn't get it back in time for them to remain viable. She watched the last hopes of those couples die and she tamped down her own desire for motherhood, determined not to end up as heartbroken as they were when she finally accepted it would never happen. A thousand snapshots flashed through her mind but the image that stuck with her the most was one of bedtime. Her and Elliot curled up in bed with their young daughter, reading a book to her and kissing her forehead, just like they did now with Eli. It brought tears to her eyes.

"Okay, El. Let's do it. Let's make a baby."

Elliot pulled back to look her in the eye. "Yeah?" His smile told her she was making the right choice.

"Yeah." She nodded. Elliot brought his hands to her face, caressing her cheeks. Slowly their lips met in a kiss that was a promise for the future. When they broke apart for air Elliot squeezed her close before letting her go, walking across the room to the stocking with Olivia's name on it that hung from the fireplace.

"I have one more gift for you," he said, handing her the stocking.

Olivia reached her hand in and felt a small cardboard box. She pulled it out and saw the words "Pregnancy Test." The tears that had been threatening her lids swan dove down her face.

"I can't wait for the day that thing is positive. I didn't know it was possible to love someone as much as I love you, Olivia." He pulled her into him again and Olivia let it all go as her tears soaked his shirt. The lonely Christmases past, the feeling of being unlovable, the painful acceptance that she would never become a mother; she wept for all of it.

While she cried, Elliot stroked her hair, wishing he could absorb all of the pain that she held in her heart. Instead, he would settle for making sure he protected her from any further hurt with all he had.

* * *

 **A/N: Well there you have it. I guess we are trying for a baby. I wasn't sure I wanted to go down that road with this story but it seems like so many of you wanted it and I couldn't deny you. But it won't be all smooth sailing; we're due for some drama soon.**

 **Also, I've started work on another story, but don't worry. "Priority" will remain my priority.**

 **Don't forget to drop me a review if you want to see more.**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Make sure you've read chapter 19 before reading this one!**

* * *

The holidays had come and gone and it was time for Elliot and Olivia to disclose their relationship. They didn't want to do it on the clock so they had asked Cragen for a meeting on their day off. He sounded skeptical on the phone but had agreed they could come in around 11:00. Elliot slept at Olivia's place the night before, holding her all night. They promised one another that no matter what happened today, they would not let it affect their relationship outside of work.

Olivia was still on edge the next morning so when Elliot pulled her into the shower with him to "relax her," she didn't complain. Things were bound to change after today so she wanted to enjoy this last time before all of the craziness was to come.

Elliot washed her body sensually, rubbing every part of her with a soft, soapy sponge. She moaned when he paid extra attention to her breasts and between her legs. "Liv, I know you're nervous, but it will all be fine. We will figure it out. Together."

Olivia reached behind her, slipping her fingers through Elliot's short hair, and massaging his scalp as he sucked on her neck. He was careful not to leave a mark. With her other hand, she pumped his wet cock, getting it hard and ready for her. When it stood at attention without any further prompting, Olivia leaned forward a bit, resting her forearms against the shower wall, her ass pressing into Elliot's erection. She turned her head around to face him and could see the look of surprise on his face. He probably thought she wanted tender love making, full of reassurance. "We will have slow, sweet sex tonight. Right now I want you fuck me. Hard."

"Say no more." Elliot rested his hands on her hips before slamming himself into her. Olivia let out a ragged breath mixed with a deep groan and he rubbed his hips against her perfect ass. While he preferred looking in her eyes as they made love, he definitely wasn't going to complain about fucking her from behind. His senses were on overdrive and he felt every ounce of pleasure magnified times a thousand. "Fuck, Liv. You are so tight like this."

"Mmmm, El. I want you in me so deep I can't breathe. Harder." She knew that when she talked dirty it sent him through the roof, but he didn't want to come too soon so he had to force himself to calm down. He thrust with as much power as he could muster without slipping in the wet shower, moving one hand up to fondle her breasts and the other down to tease her clit. His wet fingers manipulating her body sent Olivia flying over the edge and she screamed out his name as her climax took over.

Elliot still hadn't come so he pulled out of her and turned her body around. He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around him instinctively. He pressed her back against the shower wall and pushed himself inside of her pussy, still oversensitive from her orgasm. Olivia hissed as he went deeper, feeding himself into her until he bottomed out. He gave her a minute to adjust while he kissed her deeply. Even when they were fucking, he wanted her to know how much he loved her. When he felt her pussy adjust to his presence, he began the process of pounding into her all over again. Each thrust was faster and harder than the last and Elliot knew he wouldn't be able to hold out long. As always, he wanted Olivia to come first. It wasn't easy to reach her clit in this position so he had to improvise.

His arms wrapped around her, he slipped one hand between her ass cheeks and circled her other hole with his index finger. Olivia's eyes rolled back in her head and she started convulsing. This time Elliot gave in and allowed himself to come, releasing himself inside of her. He held Olivia's body tight to him, her breasts smashed against his chest, lowering her back to the ground carefully.

She had gotten her IUD removed right after New Years and the gynecologist told her she could get pregnant as soon as two weeks later. If they had trouble conceiving for at least six months, she would have to go through some fertility tests, but Elliot wasn't worried. Every time he came inside her, he wondered if that would be the time they made their baby.

* * *

Sitting in Cragen's office a few hours later, Olivia couldn't stop fidgeting. She felt like their boss could tell what they had done this morning just by looking at them. Next to her, she could feel Elliot was just as tense. She wanted to hold his hand; her fingers felt like magnets drawn to his and it took a lot of effort to keep her hands folded on her lap.

"You two set up this meeting," Cragen said. "Is one of you going to say something or are we all just going to sit here in silence?"

"Cap –" Elliot started.

"Save it. I know what this is about." The partners drew a collective breath. "I've been waiting for you two to come to me about this for a long time."

 _Fuck._ Did he really know that they had been together for a while? They had been so careful not to act any differently around the precinct. But of course he had figured it out; he was their captain.

"I'm surprised it took you this long. I thought you two would get together the first time Elliot and Kathy split, but I'm glad you didn't. You weren't ready then. You're ready now." The partners looked at each other and smiled before turning back to their captain and sharing their joy with him. "Professionally, I don't know what we're going to do around here. There is no way I'm losing my two best detectives, the two best detectives in the NYPD. I'm going to look into things and see how we can work this out. Personally, I'm happy for the two of you. Anyone who knows you knows how much you care for one another. That's rare. Don't let anything get in the way of what you have." With that he reached down into his drawer and pulled out the bottle of vodka. He filled two tumblers with just enough do a shot and handed them to his two best detectives. "Congratulations."

Elliot and Olivia tossed back their shots and looked at their captain, gratefully yet skeptically. Elliot was the first to speak, "Thank you, Captain. That means a lot. We understand that you have to do what you have to do when it comes to work, but we really appreciate your support."

"Yes, thank you so much," Olivia reached for Elliot's hand and squeezed it before standing up and walking around Cragen's desk. The older man stood and Olivia pulled him into a hug.

"He takes good care of you?" He asked.

"The best," she answered, nodding her head that rested on his shoulder. After a few seconds he patted her back and the two pulled away. Elliot stood up to shake his captain's hand.

"You know I would give my life for her. There isn't a single thing I wouldn't do for her." They all enjoyed a quiet moment before Cragen told them they were dismissed. He promised he would do his best to keep them both in the unit.

* * *

Munch and Fin were seated at their desks, filling out DD5s most likely, when Elliot and Olivia exited the captain's office.

"Oh look, it's Benson and Stabler. Sucking up to the boss on your day off?" Munch asked, looking over his glasses at them.

"What are you guys doing here?" Fin said, turning his chair around to face them.

Elliot and Olivia looked at each other, and Olivia slipped her hand in his.

"Ahhh, what do we have here?" Munch leaned back in his chair.

"No, Liv. Tell me it's not true." Fin and Elliot has always had their differences so she wasn't surprised that he wasn't jumping for joy. He wanted Olivia to be happy and he would support her no matter what, but she understood that he had to appear to give them a hard time at first.

"Sorry, Fin. It's true. Elliot and I are together." Olivia looked at her partner and smiled. They had told his family two months ago and now they were telling hers.

"Shit," Munch grumbled. "And just when I was working up the courage to ask Liv out myself." He winked at the couple.

"So what's gonna happen around here?" Fin asked. "Elliot leaving?"

Olivia laughed. "We're not sure yet. Cragen is going to see if there's a way he can keep us both."

Munch walked over to the couple and shook Elliot's right hand. "Mazel tov, Stabler. You definitely don't deserve her."

Elliot smiled, "Believe me, I know."

Olivia wrapped her arms around Munch and squeezed his skinny body. He placed a kiss on her cheek and pulled back.

"If you're happy, Liv," Fin said, "I guess I'm happy for you."

"Unlike you two, we have to work. But what do you say to drinks tonight?" Munch asked, sitting back down at his desk.

"I think we're up for that, right Liv?" Elliot turned to face his partner.

"Absolutely."

* * *

 **A/N: Smut? Disclosing? Munch and Fin? This was a big chapter. Care to tell me what you thought in a review?**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Just want to address something quickly before we get to the story: I've gotten the question of where this fic is going. Do I plan to wrap it up soon? Will I follow it through until they have a baby? I have an idea as to what I want to do, but I really want to hear from you guys. What do you want to see? I'm about 2 chapters ahead in my writing and I'm figuring a lot out as I go. I will keep working on this fic as long as you all are interested and it still feels right to me.**

 **Now onto the story!**

* * *

It was freezing cold the night that Elliot and Olivia were called out to the scene of an abandoned restaurant where a Jane Doe had been raped and left bleeding out. They had been curled up on the couch with hot chocolate when they caught the case and had dressed and headed out immediately. Cragen still hadn't given them any word on how he was going to handle their relationship, so for now they were still working together.

After visiting their victim's girlfriend, Sharon Harris, and running into Babs Duffy on the way out, they stopped at a diner for lunch. They sat across from one another in a booth and Olivia picked at her chicken salad while listening to Elliot rant about Babs.

"All I know is we better solve this case as soon as possible. I don't know how much more of that woman I can handle." He looked exasperated and while Olivia thought he was letting her get to him too much, she did understand that the woman seemed to have it out for Elliot.

"Whatever you say, Assy McBigPants," she teased, trying to lighten him up a little bit.

Elliot threw one of his French fries at his partner. "You love my ass."

Olivia smiled devilishly. "I do. That's not all I love. And it's certainly not all that's big." She punctuated her innuendo with a wink.

Elliot almost choked on the food he was eating, coughing and sputtering. Once he had calmed down, he brought the discussion back to the case.

"So what kind of read did you get on the girlfriend?" She had ignored Elliot's presence almost entirely, so he was curious as to what his partner, who she actually paid attention to, thought.

"I don't know. She seemed shaky to me. Could be grief, but I think there's more to it than that."

Elliot nodded his head, "She didn't seem that devastated to me. It seemed like a good approximation of a grieving partner. She said they were getting married, but I don't know. I didn't feel it." They hadn't discussed marriage yet, but if Elliot were being honest, of course that's where he saw his and Olivia's relationship heading. He was already so committed to her that he felt like she was his wife. He couldn't imagine that he would have been as composed as Sharon Harris if Olivia went missing for a day and then he found out she was raped and murdered.

"You think she might have something to do with it?" Olivia sipped her water and Elliot watched the small movements of her neck as she swallowed. Everything about her was perfect and beautiful.

"I don't know. Maybe we should go talk to that Brooklyn Bias Crimes guy Babs mentioned. What was his name? Ellis?"

"Couldn't hurt." They finished their lunch and Elliot left enough money to cover the bill and a generous tip on the table before they headed to Brooklyn.

* * *

Most of their leads pointed them to Sharon Harris, despite Babs' insistence that Alisa's death was a lesbian hate crime. When they confronted Sharon, she clocked Elliot in the face and they took her into custody. Olivia stood now between Elliot's legs, cleaning up a cut above his eye from the Big Apple Aggressive woman. Normally when Olivia was between his legs with her hand cradling his neck, he was minutes away from making her come. This was nothing like that. The alcohol wipe she was using stung and he couldn't help but feel a bit emasculated at the fact that Olivia was taking care of him. He should be the one taking care of her. All of the comments from Babs and now this, he had to admit it was getting to him.

He pulled away a bit. "Liv, it's nothing."

Olivia wasn't having it. He had a cut. It needed to be cleaned. It was as simple as that. She knew he wouldn't like it, but he had to understand that nothing would ever make him less of a man in her eyes. "Will you please hold steady," she said, not letting up.

"What happened to him?" Alex asked, walking in with a file in hand.

"Technical term? Punch by a chick," Fin teased from his desk, watching Olivia tend to him.

"Ha ha. You're laughing now. Wait til I get a confession out of her." Since the incident with Dean Porter a few months ago, Elliot's anger issues hadn't been a problem for him. It was a miracle what having Olivia to go home to had done for him. But right now, he had to admit that he wanted to punch something. He was a man, dammit. A strong man. A tough man. The sexiest woman in the world had chosen him to be the one to protect her and fulfill her every desire and he did a damn good job if he did say so himself. He moved his head away from Olivia again and felt her pull her hand back.

"All done," she said, giving him a quick smile to let him know that it was okay to let her take care of him as well. That she wasn't reading anything in to the fact that Harris had got a punch off when he wasn't prepared.

"Hold on. A suspect assaults a police officer and charges get filed," Alex insisted.

"I'm fine," Elliot said, walking away. He didn't want to have this discussion anymore. What he wanted to do was strip Olivia naked in an interrogation room and fuck her until there was absolutely no doubt about his masculinity. But of course, he couldn't do that. So instead he would interrogate Sharon Harris until he got to the bottom of things.

"Would you be saying that if it was a 200-pund man who slugged you?" Alex wasn't letting this go.

"Well, next time one does, I'll let you know," he said, heading for interrogation with Olivia right behind him. Right before they went into the room, Olivia grabbed his hand.

"I love you, El," she winked.

* * *

When another member of LesBe Strong was raped and Babs Duffy was threatened, it was clear that these were in fact hate crimes targeted at lesbians. Babs accepted protective custody, though reluctantly, and Olivia took the first shift with her.

It wasn't easy to keep Babs away from blogging and texting and tweeting, but Olivia was doing her best. "Why don't you take this opportunity to have a moment alone? Try to get your head together?" she offered.

"Cause I don't do alone very well," Babs admitted. "I don't like sitting here while that prick is out there attacking my sisters." Olivia could relate. It was difficult for her when Cragen sent her home to the rest in the middle of a long and exhausting case. All she wanted was to be out there, on the front lines, finding the perps and putting them away. It was what she was meant to do.

"Babs, don't worry. Nothing pisses off my partner more than somebody targeting women. He's gonna catch this guy." The only person she trusted to get the job done as well as she would was Elliot. He was an amazing cop and had taught her everything she knew. They were still waiting on word from Cragen and she really hoped she would still get to work with Elliot, in some capacity, even if not as partners.

Babs scoffed at her words and Olivia prepared to defend Elliot to the redhead, but she was surprised by what she had to say, "Well, he has the hots for you, you know."

People had always made comments about their partnership and the attraction between the two of them, but really it wasn't anyone's business. "Excuse me?" She asked, cocking her head to the side.

"Stabler."

Now it was Olivia's turn to scoff. "Uh, no, that's never gonna happen." She felt a small pang at the lie, because she remembered that just a little while ago, it had been the truth. She turned the conversation elsewhere, anything to get off the subject of her and Elliot.

She never would have thought that Babs would misinterpret her kindness as an invitation, but when she felt her go in for the kiss, Olivia pulled back. She let Babs down as gently as she could and luckily an officer came to relieve her a few minutes later.

Back at the station, Olivia tried to find a way to tell Elliot about Babs putting the moves on her. She knew he wouldn't be upset, but she wanted to tell him before Babs let it slip. The woman did not know when to shut up. When she told Elliot, he laughed it off, chuckling, "I get hit, you get hit on." On the way to Babs apartment after news of a shooting, Olivia reached for Elliot's hand that rested on the center console.

"Hey, El."

"Mmm?"

"I know the Babs thing was no big deal, but I just want you to know that I never want anyone else's lips on mine. Only yours, okay?"

"Ditto."

* * *

Watching Olivia in interrogation with the real perp, the guy from the copy place, Elliot could feel himself getting hard. He always loved it when Olivia took charge at work, but now that he knew what it looked like when she did it in the bedroom as well, he couldn't help his body's reaction.

She was incredible. She knew exactly how to get under this guy's skin, just like she always did. He hated when she used her sexuality to reel in a perp; he didn't want those sick fucks to even look at Olivia. There was the tiniest part of him that felt bad for her victims because absolutely no man could resist Olivia Benson. She had Ronnie on the hook now and he was about to lose it when she went in for the kill, "Yeah it was a mistake. Just like all us lesbians are a mistake. Except the good news is, you know how to correct us."

She had him back up against the wall and he muttered, "You're wrong."

Olivia didn't waver. She got as close to Ronnie as possible, her voice lowering the closer she moved in. "But you want to make me right, don't you, Ronnie? Correct a bitch like me. Grab me off of my feet, throw me onto that table and bend me all the way over, because you've got everything you need to make me a real woman right between your legs." Her hand hovered over Ronnie's crotch to emphasize her point when Ronnie grabbed her hand and brought it to his junk as he confessed.

Elliot just about lost it. He was this close to exploding in his pants at Olivia's words and when Ronnie brought her hand to his body he wanted to rip the spineless little man limb from limb. No one else would ever put their manhood inside of Olivia ever again. As she strutted out of the box, confident as ever, Elliot followed her out.

"Liv," he said, jogging to catch up to her.

She turned around and cocked her eyebrow at him, "Yes, El."

Fuck. She knew exactly what her performance in there had done to him. "I want to fuck you so bad right now," he growled into her ear.

"Patience, Stabler. We have work to do." With that she sat down at her desk and started in on the mountain of never ending paperwork. Elliot walked uncomfortably to the locker room. He would take care of himself for now so that he could focus on work, but later tonight he would show her exactly what her words had inspired in him.

* * *

 **A/N: Don't forget to leave me a review. Questions, comments, suggestions.**

 **And please check out my new story, "The Return" !**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Thanks to your awesome reviews, I now have a plan where this story is heading. I would say it has about a dozen more chapters, give or take.**

 **I tried to do something new with this chapter. "Savior" is such a complex episode, so I wanted to write it mostly through narration of Olivia's thoughts, rather than dialogue. Please let me know if it worked out well.**

 **I didn't want things to get boring, so I had to stir it up. Please don't be too mad at me :)**

* * *

"El?" Elliot and Olivia were sitting on the couch in Olivia's apartment, just finishing up their Chinese takeout dinner. Elliot was sipping a beer, Olivia a glass of red wine.

"Yeah, baby?" He wanted to branch out a bit from just "Liv". A lot of people called her that and he wanted something that was just for him. Depending on the situation, he now alternated between the two. He worried Olivia might find it misogynistic or paternalistic, even though it wasn't meant that way, but she didn't seem to mind.

"Are you happy with our sex life?" Their most recent case involving dead hookers and prayer cards had led them to a suspect who had grown unsatisfied with his and his wife's sex life, asking his wife to dress up and to perform sex acts that she was uncomfortable with. So Elliot understood what had prompted the question, but not why Olivia would ever think such a thing about their own relationship.

"I am more than happy. I'm ecstatic. You satisfy my every need, my every desire." He wondered if he had ever done anything to make her doubt that and as he scanned their most recent sexual encounters, a thought occurred to him. "Liv, are you not happy with our sex life?"

"Of course I am, El. You are the best lover I have ever had." Her admission made him swell with pride. He had only been with one woman before Olivia and he had no idea if he would be enough for her. He wanted to ask what the problem was then, but he saw Olivia trying to choose the right words to express what she was thinking. He waited. "El, I just. I mean. You were married for 25 years to Kathy and we hear every day that how things get stale between couples and I'm sure you want a little excitement now. I just don't know if I provide that. Our sex life isn't anything explosive, you know?"

Elliot cupped her face with his strong hand and looked deep into her eyes. "It is explosive, Liv. No, we don't do the crazy stuff that prick was talking about. Toys, roleplay, threesomes. You know why he needs that? Because he doesn't get to have sex with you, to make love to you. Even the most vanilla sex possible would be like the Macy's Fourth of July fireworks with you, Olivia. I want you so much all the time and when I'm with you, when I'm in you, it's heaven. I don't need any of that other stuff and I don't want it." He placed a quick kiss on her lips, hoping she had really heard his words; not just listened to them, but _heard_ them.

"Not even oral sex?" There it was. He should have known that suspect's wife's hesitance to suck her husband off had triggered the consequences of Olivia's trauma. She still had not gone down on Elliot, had not even brought it up since she told him about Sealview.

"I'm not going to lie to you, Liv. I would love it if you went down on me. I would love to feel your mouth around me and look into your eyes while you suck and lick me. But I love _you_ more than I could ever love _that act_. I am more than happy to wait until you're ready and if that never comes, then I'm more than happy to go down on you twice as often with all the extra time we will have." That brought a smile to her lips. There was one more thing he wanted to say before he was going to take her to bed and prove all his words to her. "I will never look elsewhere, Liv."

* * *

Gladys was pregnant. When she had fallen down those stairs, Olivia had rushed to the young girl as fast as her legs would go. Her shirt had ridden up and Olivia had seen the bump. She ran her hand over it, hoping to feel a kick, some sign of life. But there was nothing. It turned out the baby was fine and Gladys was keeping it. She said her baby would give her a new life. Olivia knew that Elliot thought that Gladys was being selfish, that she could never provide that baby with the life he or she deserved. Olivia didn't know what to think.

Now that Olivia was actively trying to become a mother, she felt much more connected to both mothers and children. At the coffee shop on her way to work the other day, a baby girl in a stroller smiled and waved her chubby hand at Olivia and she nearly broke down in tears.

She wanted to be a mother so badly. She would do everything differently than the way that she was raised. It was a little bit selfish, but she really wanted to experience the unconditional love that a child would give her. Other people had experienced it from their parents and Olivia's only hope for a true connection like that was a child of her own. And of course she would love her child unconditionally as well. She had so much love to give and her mother hadn't wanted any of it. Sure she loved Elliot, but the kind of love she was thinking of was of a different nature.

It was understandable why Gladys would want to keep her child. If Olivia was lucky enough to get pregnant there was no way she would ever be able to give away her child. Of course she was in a much better place to become a mother; financially stable, in a committed relationship, etc. But still, when Olivia looked at Gladys, she hated to admit that part of her was jealous.

Her and Elliot had been trying the last two months. Using an app on her phone they figured out when she was ovulating and they made love multiple times a day on those days, but it wasn't like they weren't active the rest of the time. But nothing had come of it yet. Both times Olivia had gotten her period she couldn't hide her disappointment. Elliot had kissed her and promised that it would happen for them, but she wouldn't be surprised to find out that she was barren. The unwanted child of rape can't have her own child no matter how desperately she does want it.

But now that baby, the one that she had been jealous of was going to die. They found Gladys unconscious in Red Hook and she had a seizure before they were able to get her to the hospital. Elliot and Olivia sat for hours in the waiting room doing exactly that: waiting. Olivia hadn't spoken a word since they got there and Elliot didn't have to ask what she was thinking.

Finally the doctor came out and explained what kind of future the baby was looking at. It was a girl. Her chances weren't good. There were all kinds of fancy medical names for what she was going through, but what it boiled down to was whether Gladys would want extraordinary measures taken. And even if she lived, the baby would have severe physical and cognitive deficits. Elliot had insisted that the doctors not play God and that everything possible be done to save the baby. Olivia didn't agree.

If that was her child, part of the unconditional love she felt for it, meant not letting it go through that kind of painful, miserable existence. She wouldn't be selfish by keeping her baby around to fulfill her own needs. Your child should always come first. She asked Elliot to spend the night at his own place because she needed to be alone and he had agreed, reluctantly. There was a lot she needed to think about and she couldn't do it with Elliot right there.

* * *

Olivia poured her third glass of wine and settled back down on the couch. The one thought that kept coming back to her was that maybe she and Elliot shouldn't have a child together. Her years of work in SVU witnessing child abuse and neglect hadn't deterred her want for motherhood. She knew that with her and Elliot as parents that baby would be as safe as possible. But illness, premature death, those were things she had not foreseen, and with her age any child she bore would be at added risk. There was no way she would be able to go through that kind of pain. She would let her child go, but she wasn't entirely sure she wouldn't die along with it. And now that she knew Elliot didn't agree with her on how to handle the situation, she was even more unsure if she could go through with it.

Suddenly she thought it was a good thing that she hadn't gotten pregnant yet. That thought alone brought tears to her eyes and Olivia swallowed the rest of her wine before pulling the throw off the back of the couch and curling up into the fetal position. All of her limbs felt heavy, but at the same time she felt empty.

* * *

After their fight in the precinct, Olivia was ready to call it quits with Elliot. He knew how bad she wanted to be a mother, had held her when she cried over it. He didn't say it with malice or hate. He just stated a fact. She wasn't a mother. But she didn't need a reminder from the man who was supposed to be the love of her life.

She told Elliot to back off the case and that she would be running point on it from here and he accepted. After Gladys testified, Olivia wondered if Elliot really understood how deeply this case was hurting her. It was true that she hadn't exactly opened up to him. So how could she expect him to know? She planned to call Elliot and invite him over to talk that night, but before she could pick up the phone, there was a knock on her door.

* * *

"Gladys left me power of attorney over her daughter."

The captain left Olivia alone to process everything, but she couldn't even hear her own thoughts over the thumping of her heart. _Why? Why me? What am I going to do? I don't know how to do this. I'm not this child's mother_. The only thing she could do is exactly what she would if it was her own daughter. She ached all over. She ached for the poor baby girl, she ached for Gladys, and she ached for herself.

It was only about an hour before she got a call from the hospital and had to rush down there. She could barely focus on the doctor's face as she spoke to her, her eyes so full of tears. _What would I do if it were my baby?_

"Detective, I need you to make a decision."

Olivia took as deep a breath as the lumps in her chest and her throat would allow. Her lips quivered as she laid down a death sentence. "Let her go." The doctor nodded her head gently and squeezed Olivia's arm before heading back over to her team. Olivia couldn't watch.

She just made it into the bathroom and over a stall before she threw up. How the fuck had her life become such a mess?

* * *

 **A/N: While you're waiting for the next chapter, check out my new story, "The Return," and follow me on Twitter at jamster4170.**

 **And review! :)**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: My original plan was to have this chapter be a blow out fight between El and Liv, but I changed my mind because I didn't want to do that to you guys (or to them). And I ended up really liking how this chapter turned out. So win-win.**

* * *

The next morning, Olivia called out of work sick. Olivia never called out sick. Elliot was at his desk, going through some case files when Cragen came out of his office.

"Stabler."

"Yeah, Cap." He looked up from his desk at his captain who was approaching.

"Do you know where your partner is?"

"Liv?" He checked his watch. "So she's a little late. I'm sure she'll be here." Elliot hadn't heard from Olivia since their fight over Gladys' baby. He knew he had messed up. His beliefs were not wrong and he wasn't wrong for disagreeing with Olivia, but as soon as he told her she wasn't a mother so she didn't understand, he regretted it. It had taken a lot to convince Olivia to have a baby with him and he knew how sensitive she was about the subject. Sometimes he could really put his foot in his mouth and he didn't even know why he did it. He didn't understand why he got like that when he was heated. Olivia needed space and he was afraid that she might make a rash decision with the time he was giving her, but he really wanted to respect her needs.

"She just called out sick, Elliot. You and I both know she isn't sick. After everything with that baby, I think you need to get over there. Work until lunch and then take a half day." The look in Cragen's eyes threatened him. _Help her. Fix this._ He had been in his office when the partners had exchanged words, but Cragen heard always everything, so he knew about Elliot's mistake.

The minutes until lunch went by painfully slowly and before he could go to Olivia's place he wanted to stop and get her favorite chicken salad sandwich and chicken noodle soup from the diner. She probably wasn't sick, but she was definitely feeling down. It would be a peace offering; if she would let him in, that is.

Standing outside Olivia's door, Elliot wondered if he should use his key or knock and hope for the best. She would surely be mad if he barged in, but then at least he would get to check on her, apologize. But he didn't want to add another misstep, so he knocked gently. After a minute he heard her approach the door, but she didn't open it. "Liv, please," he said gently, pressing the side of his face against the wood.

Olivia pulled the door open slowly and Elliot's first thought was that she had been crying. Her face was red and puffy and she hadn't changed out of her pajamas yet. Her body leaned against the door, not giving him enough space to get through. She didn't speak, just looked blankly at him. "Can I come in, Liv? Please?" His full blue eyes pleaded with her empty brown ones.

Olivia retreated and Elliot slipped in behind her, closing the door gently. He placed the bag of food down on the counter while Olivia found her place on the couch. It looked like she had spent all night and all day there from the blankets strewn about, the empty bottle of wine on the coffee table, and the tissues all around. He couldn't believe his asinine comment had hurt her that terribly.

* * *

Olivia hadn't left the couch since she returned from the hospital. Sleeping in her bed without Elliot just felt weird and she had been so devastated after what happened at the hospital, she couldn't stand putting herself through the added discomfort. It turned out that it didn't really matter where she laid, because she hadn't slept a wink.

She still hadn't said a word since Elliot had knocked and she could see in his eyes how worried he was about her, about them. It was likely he thought the mess he was staring at was entirely his fault and because she loved him, she wanted him to know it wasn't all on him. "She died." Her voice was hoarse, not having spoken since her brief call with Cragen. "Gladys' baby."

She brought her eyes up to Elliot and saw him hang his jacket over the back of a chair before he sat down next to her. He put his hand out, hoping Olivia would take it, and she did. She was still upset with him, but she needed his comfort. "I'm sorry, Liv."

After a minute of silence, he asked. "How did Gladys take it?"

He didn't know. Of course he didn't. Cragen would never have told him, preferring not to get involved in anyone's personal business.

"She's gone. She left me power of attorney over the baby. I had to make the call. I had to be the one responsible for her death." She could feel a fresh batch of tears coming and she hated herself for being so weak.

Elliot pressed his lips to the side of her head and leaving them there, he whispered, "I am so sorry." Olivia wasn't sure if he was apologizing for his cruel reminder about her lack of children or for what had happened with the baby. All she could think was that he should have been gloating.

She knew Elliot wasn't the type to gloat. He had hurt her in the heat of a disagreement, but he would never kick her while she was down. But if it was him, he would have done whatever he could to save the baby. After the way Olivia felt now, part of her wished she had. The little girl had not even been hers and now that she had made that call, she didn't know if she would ever have the strength to do it again if it was her own daughter. Even though she was still upset with Elliot, she needed him.

Understanding her completely, even without words, Elliot wrapped his arms around Olivia and moved them gently to their sides, lying on the couch. He held Olivia close to him and stroked her forearm while kissing her hair. "I love you." His words pushed the wetness from her eyes and she was grateful Elliot couldn't see her crying, even if he knew she was. After a couple of minutes in his arms, Olivia finally fell asleep.

* * *

When she woke up a few hours later, she was still in Elliot's embrace. From his even breathing, she could tell that he was fast asleep. But Olivia really had to pee and from this position, she couldn't extract herself from his arms delicately. She reached down with her free hand and rubbed along the side of Elliot's body where she could reach. "El?" She spoke gently, not wanting to pull him too abruptly from sleep.

Elliot stirred and let out a low grunt.

"El, I have to pee." Elliot disentangled himself slowly from Olivia and stood up.

When Olivia returned from the bathroom, Elliot was sitting on the couch with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands.

"She didn't even have a name." Elliot looked up at his partner. "She died without even having a name. She never got to be held. Her mother wasn't even there with her in her final moments. I was there. It was horrible, El." She could feel herself starting to hyperventilate as the words spilled from her. Trying to calm herself down she ran her hands through her hair and took deep breaths. She hated the fact that she was so out of control. Elliot had opened her up and given her a safe place to really feel, and now she was feeling too much.

Elliot looked scared and she knew that if she told him what she had been thinking about it would break his heart. Before they talked about kids, she was afraid that he would leave her if she wanted one. Now that they had decided to make a baby, she was afraid he would leave her if she changed her mind. It always felt like no matter what, she was destined to lose. She was destined to be alone. Whenever she was happy, it was just a matter of time before something came along to destroy it.

Clenching her hands into fists, Olivia looked down at the ground. She couldn't bring herself to say the words while looking in his eyes. "El, I think… Maybe… I don't know if I want to have a baby anymore." She braced herself for his reaction, expecting him to yell. But he was silent. Slowly Olivia faced him and saw the tears that streamed down his face. She had thought her heart couldn't possibly break any more than it had, but in that instant, it was shattered once again.

* * *

The voice in Elliot's head was screaming at him. It was telling him to yell, throw something, punch something, storm out of her apartment. But he was doing everything he could to ignore it. He couldn't let the anger win out over the pain. Olivia's words hadn't made him mad, they had devastated him. But it was easier to punch a wall than it was to let the tears go. Elliot didn't want to do what was easy anymore. Olivia was worth more than that.

"Please don't say that, Liv," he begged. "I know you're scared, but that's not going to happen to our baby."

"You don't know that, Elliot," she snapped and Elliot flinched at her intensity. "It's too much. I can't do it."

"Olivia," he breathed, walking over to her. "What happened to that little girl and to Gladys was the absolute worst case scenario and I am so sorry you had to be a part of it. But I don't want you to give up on your dream – our dream - because of it." He lifted his arms slowly to see if Olivia would back away, but when she didn't he hugged her, pressing his whole body against hers. He rubbed her back with his hands, running them up and down the strong muscles and elegant dips. She felt so cold and all he wanted was to warm her up.

Gently, Elliot lifted Olivia from the ground and scooped her into his arms. He carried her into her bedroom and placed her down on her side of the bed before climbing over her and coming to rest behind her. He reached down and pulled the covers up, tucking them both in. "Liv I want you to eat the food I brought because I don't know when the last time you ate was. But first I'm going to hold you for a little while longer, okay?"

He could feel her nod and he whispered, "I am so sorry for what I said and I am so sorry for all of the pain you are feeling. If I could take it off you and put it on myself, I would in a heartbeat." Olivia snuggled into him even further at his words. "I love you, Liv. Please don't give up on our baby." He slid his hand up her shirt to cover her stomach and he rubbed circles on her skin.

She finally spoke, "I need time, El. Okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

 **A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed! Let me know with a review!**

 **Check out my new story, "The Return," and follow me on Twitter at jamster4170.**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Heading out of town for a few days and won't be getting much writing done so I wanted to post this chapter to tide you over until I get back. I have the next chapter written as well, and if I get 200 reviews, I might post that one too ;)**

* * *

Elliot warmed up the soup he bought for Olivia on the stove. She was sleeping pretty soundly once more and Elliot didn't want to disturb her, but he was really worried about getting some food in her system. He knew that when she became distressed, taking care of herself was the last thing on her mind. He couldn't imagine when the last time she ate something was.

It had broken his heart to see her this way. His strong, beautiful Olivia. He knew she held so much pain inside her heart, but it overwhelmed him to see her let it out. All he could do was hold her and love her, but he wasn't sure that was enough. The pain had become so bad that she was rethinking their decision to have a baby. Olivia said she needed time, but he wasn't entirely sure what that meant. Time before they talked about the subject? Time before they started trying again? Even though he was anxious to give her a child, he didn't want to rush her. If time was what she needed, time was what he would give her.

He carried the tray of food into Olivia's room and saw her laying exactly as he left her, only her eyes were open. Elliot placed the try on her nightstand and bent over to kiss her forehead. Olivia reached her hands up to wrap them around his neck and she pulled him in for a kiss. Their tongues moved together naturally, but Elliot felt that there was something different in Olivia's kiss. There was an urgency in her kiss, that had never been there before. It wasn't the kind of urgency he felt when they had waited all day to be together; this was different.

Olivia's hands tugged at him, trying to pull his weight to rest on top of her. It was hard to keep his wits about him when Olivia's lips were on his and her body was pressed against him. He let himself fall on the bed and Olivia rolled them over so she was on top of Elliot. She kissed her way down his body and stopped at his pants. He felt her fingers work adeptly on his jeans and he sat up on his elbows. "Liv, we can't. Not now. Not like this."

Olivia ignored him and when she had his jeans open, she pulled them off of him. When her hands returned to the waistband of his boxers, Elliot covered them with his. "No, Olivia. I'm not going to do this with you." Never before had he rejected her advances and he knew why. It took a strength that he hadn't even known he had. But he knew that she didn't really want this right now and he wanted to protect her from any additional pain she might feel.

Olivia placed her mouth over the bulge in his boxers and kissed him slowly and sensually through the fabric. He could feel it become wet with her saliva and though the promise of her mouth on him brought his dick to attention, his head knew it couldn't happen like this. He reached down and pulled Olivia up to him, kissing her softly on the lips. "Olivia, you cannot fuck away this pain. If you do that right now, you will regret it. I won't let you."

The tears had returned to her eyes and she turned her head away from him. "Fuck you, Elliot," she mumbled. Despite the implication of her words, he knew she wasn't really angry with him.

"Why don't you eat the food I brought you?" He offered, hoping to change the subject. Olivia didn't speak to him, but she didn't ask him to leave, so he took that as a good sign. Moving away from Elliot, she reached for the sandwich on the plate and took a bite.

* * *

Two weeks later, Olivia and Alex were sitting at a bar around the corner from the courthouse. Alex had taken a leave of absence and in just a few days she would be leaving New York to work for the Prosecutor's Office of the International Criminal Court, to prosecute sex crimes and other human rights abuses. She had been inspired by Nardalee, a woman from the Congo who was a witness in one of SVU's rape cases. Olivia was buying the drinks as her goodbye present to Alex, who insisted it was just "see you later."

They were two glasses of wine in when Alex asked how things were with Elliot. Olivia swirled her wine slowly and avoided her friend's gaze. It wasn't that things weren't good with Elliot, they were still together and they weren't fighting, it was just that things were… off. They were speaking, but not about anything serious. They hadn't slept together, or done anything more than kissing since everything happened with Gladys and the baby. It still stung when Olivia thought about it, but she didn't think about it all the time anymore.

"Liv?" Alex wasn't going to let her drop this so she might as well explain the situation. If she had a best girl friend, it was Alex, and she was about to leave the country, so she might as well get in some girl talk while she could.

"Ever since I let that baby go, things between me and El have been… I don't know… tense, I guess."

"In what way?"

"We're talking, but we aren't really saying anything. We're sleeping in the same bed, but definitely not sleeping together. We don't laugh, we barely touch. It doesn't feel like we are us anymore."

"I didn't want to ask because it's really not my place, but I have to know. What happened? It has to be something more than just that baby dying, Liv. To shake up you and Stabler, there had to be more to it."

Olivia took a long sip of her wine and put it down on the bar. They hadn't told anyone about their plans for a baby, but Alex was leaving. She could tell her, "Elliot and I have been trying for a baby for a few months now and," she saw Alex's jaw drop momentarily, but she recovered swiftly, "after I watched that little girl die… I told him I wasn't sure if I wanted to have a baby anymore."

She paused, waiting for Alex's response, but when it didn't come immediately, she continued, "It's not that I don't want to be a mother, of course I do, and I want Elliot to be the father. I just don't know if I can handle all the pain that comes along with it. It's like a piece of your heart, of your soul, that resides outside your body and you can't always protect it from everything."

Alex jumped in, "Yeah, but that's life, Olivia. Are you going to avoid having any relationships at all because something bad might happen to the people you love and care about?"

"No," she muttered, knowing her friend had made a good point.

"Olivia, if you want to feel all the good things in life, you have to be open to feeling the bad ones too." At that Alex signaled the bartender for another round. Olivia checked her phone and saw she had a text from Lizzie.

 _Hey Liv. I know you're really busy, but my Spring Fling dance is on Friday and it would mean a lot to me if you came to the house for pictures before the dance. Let me know. Love you!_

"Is that Stabler now?" Alex asked, peeking over to look at her phone.

"No. It's Lizzie. She has a school dance on Friday and she wants me to come take pictures." She locked her phone and put it down on the bar. "I don't know if I should go with everything going on with me and El."

"Olivia, I love you, but don't be an idiot. What's going on is that you are in a rough patch. You are going to get over it. You will go see that girl off to her dance and you will stop being so dramatic all the time. Do you not realize that you have everything you ever wanted? Elliot is madly in love with you and you finally have him, his children love and accept you as part of their family, you can become a mother if you just say the word. I am leaving the country and no one is even going to notice. I made work my life and I don't regret that, but you can have more. Don't lose it all because you don't know how to actually have it."

Olivia listened to Alex's speech and she knew that her friend was right. She nodded her head to signal her understanding, because she didn't want to choke up if she tried to speak. Picking up her phone again, she texted Lizzie back. _I'll be there. Can't wait to see you all dressed up. Xo._ She also opened a new message and sent it to her partner. _I'm sorry for everything. Can we talk when I get home? I love you._

The conversation moved on and a few minutes later, Olivia felt her phone vibrate against the bar.

 _I forgive you. I know you're hurting. Of course we can talk. I love you, too._

* * *

 **Don't forget to leave me a review!** **Posted a new chapter of "The Return" today and you should go read and review that one too. :)**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Today is my birthday, but I'm giving all of you a present! :) If you want to give me one in return, you'll leave me a review!**

* * *

It was later than Olivia had intended by the time she got home, but saying "see you later" to Alex had been harder than she expected. Alex was an amazing friend and in Olivia's opinion, the best ADA SVU ever had, though Casey was a close second. She had stressed to Olivia that this wasn't like when she was in Witness Protection, they could call and email and even see each other whenever Alex was in New York. As they hugged before getting in their respective cabs, Alex whispered in Olivia's ear, "Next time I see you Benson, you better be pregnant."

That was what Olivia wanted too and after her conversation with Alex, she was determined not to let fear get in the way. She wanted to make their baby tonight. But she knew that first they would have to talk and she would have to explain herself to Elliot. He deserved to know what had been going on in her head the last few weeks. She opened the door to her apartment and saw Elliot laying on the couch, a movie playing quietly on the TV. A pizza box with a few pieces sat on the coffee table and Olivia guessed he had probably saved them for her.

"Hey, Liv." He pushed himself up to a sitting position, making room for Olivia at the end of the couch. She took off her coat and her blazer before joining him. "How was your night with Alex?"

"It was good," Olivia smiled. "I'm going to miss her. A lot."

"Me too. She's been a great friend and an even better ADA."

Silence settled around them and when Olivia couldn't take it anymore, she started in on the monologue she had been thinking of since they exchanged texts, "Elliot, I know you know how hard it was for me to lose that little girl. It was devastating and it left me petrified of having my own child. Not only that they might not make it, but I am afraid that something - anything - might happen to this little baby that I already love more than anything, and it doesn't even exist yet. I don't know if I could survive it." She took a deep breath before continuing, "But I don't want to live my life in fear. I don't want to give up on my dream of becoming a mother. If you still want to, I'm ready to continue trying to make our baby."

She watched as Elliot came alive at her words. He was more animated than she had seen him in weeks. He reached for her and placed kisses on both of her cheeks before resting his forehead against hers and nuzzling their noses together. "Of course I still want to have a baby with you. Olivia, there are good times and bad times as a parent. Bad things will happen to your children and you will wish you could fix it for them, but all you can do is love them unconditionally. But I promise you, being a parent is a lot more good than bad. You will never know joy like the first time your child says 'I love you.' All of the pain and the heartache is all worth it. And you will always – always – have me right by your side. I told you I would never leave you and I meant it."

Olivia slipped her hands into his and pursed her lips to give him a light kiss. Elliot was the most amazing man she had ever known. He made her feel safe, loved, and cherished above all else. She wanted to do something to express her love and gratitude and bring them even closer together. She looked down at his lap and back up to meet his eyes. "El, you were right to stop me the last time. But I'm ready to do this now and I really want to. So please don't stop me, even if I hesitate. I promise I'll pull back if I can't go through with it." Elliot nodded, understanding. He leaned in and gave her a deep kiss that she felt in her entire body.

When he pulled away for air, he said under his breath, "I love you so much, Olivia." That was all she needed. She was sure. She wanted to do this.

"Let's go to the bedroom," she whispered through her arousal. They walked hand in hand to Olivia's bed - their bed, she thought with a smile. Standing next to it, Olivia kissed Elliot as her hands found the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. He did the same to her, breaking their kiss only when they absolutely had to. Olivia's hands went to his pants and her nimble fingers had opened them in seconds, tugging them down. When she came to her knees, Elliot stepped out of his jeans and she tossed them to the side.

Never before had she been on her knees in front of Elliot and while a tiny part of her, the part that remembered her trauma, wanted to run, she knew she was safe. She looked up at Elliot and saw in his eyes lust, awe, desire, and most of all, love. No one had ever loved her the way Elliot did, so not only could she do this for him, she wanted to. Before her assault, she had put her mouth on more than a few men, but it had never meant anything. Now, it meant everything. Elliot held his hand out to her and she took it. They were braving her fear together.

She stood back up and they continued removing each other's clothes until Olivia was left in only her underwear and Elliot was completely naked. Her heart was pounding against her ribs, but it wasn't from fear. It was desire. She pushed him back until his knees hit the bed and he fell on top of it. "Move back." Elliot came to rest in the middle of the bed, and Olivia crawled over to him. She settled her knees between his open legs and ran her hands up and down his thighs. His cock was hard and ready for her mouth and as she stared at it, she licked her lips.

Elliot's eyes fluttered closed, giving complete control of the situation over to Olivia. He knew she needed to feel in charge so he kept his hands at his sides, no matter how badly he wanted to thread them through her hair. He felt Olivia's mouth place a quick kiss on his tip and his hips bucked up reflexively. She moved her mouth down to the base to leave small, feather-like kisses around it.

After a minute or so, she began to lick a trail up the underside of him, wrapping her lips around the head when she got there. As her mouth closed around him, her nails dug into his thighs and he knew she was working through her demons. Feeling Olivia's mouth on him was incredible and Elliot was almost ready to come, but he wanted to hold off. This act was as much about Olivia as it was him and she wasn't finished yet, he knew.

Elliot opened his eyes and stared down at her. Her brown hair tickled his thighs and the visual of her mouth around his dick was hotter than any scene from any porn. Olivia caught him staring and as her mouth moved over him, she winked. He couldn't believe what a sex kitten she was. Everything she did, every move she made, turned him on even more. "I love you, Liv. Always." She moaned against his cock and the vibrations brought out his own moans.

Olivia couldn't deny that thoughts of Harris entered her mind, but Elliot was doing everything he could to minimize them. He wasn't touching her head at all and his reminder that he loved her, and that this was an act of love, had spurred her on. When Elliot went down on her, it was amazing. He made her feel so incredibly loved and wanted and she always came long and hard. She wanted to be able to give Elliot that same experience.

She lifted her mouth from his erection, but let it hang open, saliva falling from her lips to lubricate him. She moved her hands and mouth over him simultaneously and Elliot ground his hips into the bed. While one hand moved to his balls, and her mouth worked his cock, Olivia's other hand drifted up his abdomen, rubbing his stomach. Elliot brought both his hands to hers and held it between them.

The intense feelings coursing through his body overwhelmed Elliot and he realized that unlike when his wife had performed this act for him, making it seem like a chore, Olivia actually seemed to enjoy it. There was a smile playing on her lips and she looked up at him with amusement in her eyes. When she pulled up for air, Elliot reached for her and brought her up for a kiss. His hands went to her breasts and he began massaging them.

"No no no no no, El," she waved her finger. "This is about you. I want to pleasure you. I love you."

Who could argue with that? Elliot let Olivia kiss her way back down his body, stopping to lick and suck his nipples. When she reached his erection, she took it in as deep as she could and Elliot could swear he felt himself hit the back of her throat. "Fuck, Liv." She was doing everything right, licking, sucking, scraping her teeth with just the right amount of pressure. When she pulled back, leaving just her lips around the tip and she began to swirl her tongue over it, Elliot knew he was almost finished.

Just then he felt her slip her hands under his ass and rub his cheeks, gently. Her mouth lowered over him and her soft hands grabbed his ass. Elliot fisted the sheets, still careful not to touch her head. Her tongue caressed him for a few seconds and finally he came with a strangled groan, shooting his hot cum into her mouth. Olivia took it all, swallowing gracefully, but when she finally removed her mouth from him, he could see some of the fluid on her lips.

She climbed up to him and kissed him passionately, letting her arms fall out from under her and her weight rest on his body. Elliot loved tasting himself on her mouth and he cupped her ass with his hands, desperate to touch her. "That was amazing, baby." Olivia smiled at his words and he loved the way her nose crinkled up. She was effortlessly beautiful and, to Elliot, she was perfect.

"You're amazing," she said. "I don't know what I did to deserve you. You take such good care of me, I just wanted to take care of you a little bit, too."

Elliot rubbed his hands all over her body and began kissing her neck. "Oh, you did. Now I need to be inside of you, Liv."

Olivia laughed, but she sat up and took her underwear off, throwing them to the floor. She ran her hands over Elliot's cock until it was hard enough to penetrate her and she straddled his hips, teasing his tip with her wet folds. Elliot stared up at her in awe, not even minding her antics.

Finally, Olivia lowered herself onto him and once he was all the way inside of her, Olivia threw her head back and ran her hands through her hair. Elliot's hands went to her breasts immediately and their hips began moving in sync.

They moved together for a few minutes, Olivia bouncing up and down on top him. Just before they reached their mutual climax, Olivia choked out a few words, "Give me a baby, Elliot." When he came inside of her, she could swear that he did.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: I've been feeling very uninspired lately, but I just wanted to get this chapter out. I'm sorry if it's not up to snuff.**

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When Olivia knocked on the door Friday night before Lizzie's dance, she had a flashback to the night of Eli's birthday and how nervous she had been. Now, just five months later, she felt completely comfortable at the Stabler house. The whole gang had truly embraced her, and she couldn't have asked for a better bunch of people to call "family." Kathleen answered the door, with Eli peeking around her legs.

"Hey, Liv. Come on in." Kathleen gestured into the house and Eli stepped out of the way to let her in. Olivia immediately bent down and scooped him up. He was getting a bit heavy, but Olivia didn't mind. At two and a half, he now told Elliot he didn't need to be carried because he was a big boy, but he changed his tune whenever Olivia was around, loving being in her arms.

"Lizzie looks soooo pretty, Liv. Just like you." He said, placing a kiss on Olivia's cheek. They made their way into the kitchen, where Maureen, Dan, and Dick were sitting at the table. "Hey, Liv. Mom is upstairs helping Lizzie get ready," Maureen explained. "Help yourself to food or drinks."

Olivia grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge before turning to Dick, "No dance for you?"

"Nah, dances are stupid. But Lizzie is really excited about it, so I'm being supportive," he said, looking up from his cell phone.

"So, Liv, how are you doing after the change up at work?" Kathleen asked. Cragen had called Elliot and Olivia into his office on Monday morning, finally having come to a decision about their partnership in light of their relationship. Because they were in a position of equals, it was not technically against the regs. There were freedom of fraternization policies, but with all of the drama that had gone on between them, Gitano, Hendrix's evaluation, Cragen didn't want to give IAB or 1PP another reason to put a target on their back. He wasn't going to lose them so he was splitting them up.

The four of them – Munch, Fin, Elliot, and Olivia – had all worked together for a very long time and in very close proximity and Cragen believed they were the most effective unit in the NYPD. He had decided to split up both partnerships and have all four of them work together. Different groups of two would take on different tasks and partnerships would change constantly. Fin and Elliot had been working the latest case, which had sent them out of town, while Munch and Olivia were focused on paperwork and following up with cases headed to trial.

At first they had been worried that Munch and Fin would be upset with them, but they didn't seem to mind. If that was the sacrifice they had to make so their friends could be happy, they were willing to do it. Everything had gone well this first week, but Olivia couldn't deny that she missed working with Elliot all the time. They still saw each other around the squad room and there would be times that they would be partnered together, she knew, but it wasn't the same.

"It's been okay, but of course I miss having your dad as my partner," she shrugged, not wanting to get into all the details with Elliot's children.

"He's still your partner, Liv. Just in a different way," Kathleen said.

Just then, Kathy appeared in the doorway. She waved at Olivia and called out to her daughters, "Girls, go help your sister upstairs. She asked for you." The girls disappeared upstairs and the boys went to the living room to watch TV, taking Eli with them. Kathy and Olivia were left alone and Olivia was glad they had been getting along so well. They quickly caught up on each other's lives before Kathy dropped a bomb on Olivia.

"I've actually been seeing someone. A doctor I met at the hospital. He is in private practice, but he had a patient in the ICU and we met in the cafeteria." As she told the story of their meeting, Olivia noticed that she had never seen Kathy smile like that before. She was beaming, and she deserved it. Kathy was an incredible mother, a wonderful friend, and a caring person. She deserved to have a man who worshipped the ground she walked.

"That's so great, Kath. I'm so happy for you." And she really meant it.

"Thank you. And I know it might be a bit unconventional, but I am very happy for you and Elliot as well. I've never seen so much life or joy in him. I thought it would hurt to see you be the one to bring it out in him, and it feels weird for sure, but I think it's okay. I'm just so glad we are all able to be okay, especially for the kids' sake." She held her hand out and Olivia placed hers on top of it. They squeezed their intertwined hands in a show of solidarity.

Other than Alex, Olivia hadn't told anyone about her and Elliot trying for a baby, and she never thought she would be contemplating telling Kathy. But all of the sudden she was overcome with the urge to share. Elliot had genuinely encouraged her to build her own relationship with Kathy and he conceded that he trusted her to talk to his ex-wife about anything that she wanted. He would never meddle or try to control their relationship.

"There might be another kid to take into consideration soon," Olivia said before taking a sip of her water.

She watched intently as Kathy's reaction played out on her face, and Olivia was glad to see that there were no signs of strong negative emotions. Once she settled on a neutral expression, Olivia spoke again. "We're trying, but nothing yet. It's always been my dream to be a mother."

Kathy swallowed before speaking, "I think you will be an amazing mother, Olivia. I see how loving you are towards my children. Your maternal instincts are strong."

"Thank you, Kath. I hope the kids will take the news as well as you are. They have been so good with all of the changes in their lives and I don't want to upset the status quo once again." In all of their conversations, Olivia had never mentioned that particular fear to Elliot. She wasn't hiding it, it just wasn't one of her greatest concerns and she had had a difficult enough time getting over those.

"I can't speak to how the kids will react but I know two things about my children," Kathy said. "They are resilient and they love their family more than anything. Even if they have a hard time at first, they will come around."

Olivia nodded along with Kathy's words, but she didn't speak. The women heard a commotion coming from the living room and they walked in there. Lizzie was coming down the stairs, led by her older sisters, and Eli was right. She looked beautiful, and so grown up.

Olivia remembered the first time she came over to the Stabler house, a few months into her partnership with Elliot. Lizzie had been extremely shy and barely spoke a word to Olivia all through dinner. The other three kids were friendly and polite and more than made up for the silence, but Olivia was most intrigued by the quiet little girl who was completely in love with her father. After dinner they sat on the couch, Elliot and Olivia drinking a beer and Kathy a tea. The kids were allowed to stay up a little later than usual, but the twins were getting sleepy. Lizzie crawled into Olivia's lap and fell asleep in her arms.

She was no little girl anymore. Olivia had seen pictures of Maureen and Kathleen at their various school dances and they had always selected bright colors or pastels, but not Lizzie. She was wearing a long black dress with cutouts on the side. There was silver beading on the trim and her makeup was dark and smokey.

Olivia had promised to send Elliot a ton of pictures so she pulled her phone from her pocket and snapped a few shots of Lizzie descending the stairs. "Liv, you're here!" Lizzie squealed, running over to her as fast as her high heels would allow. She wrapped her arms around the young woman and felt a flutter in her stomach. This really was her dream. She wanted a baby and a family and everything that came along with it.

"No date?" She asked, pulling back from their hug.

"Nah. I was asked, but a bunch of my girlfriends wanted to go together so I said no," Lizzie shrugged. Olivia was amazed by the independence and confidence that the normally pretty quiet teen displayed at just 17 years old.

After a decent amount of "oohing" and "ahhing," the whole family took dozens of pictures in every combination imaginable. When Lizzie asked Olivia and Kathy to stand on either side of her for a picture, Olivia couldn't help that her heart swelled.

Over the past few months, she had grown so close to Elliot's children and she loved them like they were her own. She hoped that if she brought another Stabler into the world, it wouldn't hurt the five that were already here. But she wasn't going to let that fear hold her back. She was going to be a mother - she was going to have Elliot's child - no matter what.

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After Kathy dropped Lizzie off at her friend's house to take more pictures, Maureen suggested that they all go out to dinner. Olivia didn't even have to ask, she knew she was welcome to go. They went to a small Italian restaurant that was Kathleen's favorite. Dinner was lovely. The dynamic between the Stabler kids provided the entertainment, the food was delicious, and of course, Eli had insisted on sitting next to "his Olivia." He colored her a picture on his kids' menu placemat, which Olivia promised to treasure forever.

Eli fell asleep in the car on the way home and Olivia carried him up to bed. She kissed his forehead and looked down at his sleeping form. She couldn't believe this little boy had opened his heart to her so completely. She felt that stirring in her stomach again and wondered briefly if she might, in fact, be pregnant. She and Elliot had made love twice the night of her conversation with Alex and once more the night before he was heading out of town for his case. It was way too soon to know if she was, but she could swear she felt different.

She got home a little after ten and knew that Elliot would still be up. The phone rang just twice before he answered.

"Hey, beautiful," he greeted her. She could hear Fin moan and groan in the background and, in her mind, she could see Elliot roll his eyes. "Thanks for all the pics. My little girl is so grown up. She always be my baby, but she's definitely not _a_ baby anymore."

"She looked beautiful, El. I'm so glad I went. I wouldn't have wanted to miss it and it meant a lot to Lizzie."

"I'm glad you went, too. For you to be a part of my family is all I have ever wanted, Liv. I just wish I could have been there."

"Lizzie said you could take her to lunch when you get back. She'll tell you all about it," she pulled a bottle of pinot noir out of the cabinet and poured herself a generous glass.

"I miss you, Liv," Elliot whispered.

"I miss you, too. It feels weird to sleep alone," she admitted.

"Not for me. I'm all cuddled up with Fin," he joked.

Olivia cracked a smile, but when she looked around her empty apartment it disappeared as quick as it had come.

"Hey, El."

"Mmm?"

"I told Kathy," she said, softly. "That we are trying for a baby." She believed Elliot wouldn't be upset with her, but she was still unprepared for his exact reaction.

"Fin, cover your ears," Elliot directed and Olivia knew that meant he was about to get mushy. "I love you so much, baby. I know that had to have been pretty nerve-wracking for you. You're incredible."

Olivia smiled. "She was genuinely happy for us. She told me I will be a great mom," she blushed at the words leaving her own mouth and she was glad Elliot wasn't there to see her reaction.

"You will be, Liv. The best." He was careful not to give away what they were speaking about to Fin. Elliot would have told everyone, but he understood that Olivia wasn't ready for that, yet.

"I can't wait, El. As soon as you get back, I am going to jump you and fuck you until I'm pregnant." She knew that her words would leave Elliot frustrated and she couldn't help but giggle when she heard him let out a growl.

"I gotta hang up this phone, Liv. Before I make Fin very uncomfortable." She could hear Fin grumble in the background again.

"Good night, El. I love you."

"I love you more, baby."

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 **A/N: Hopefully my mojo will return and I'll be able to get back in the swing of things with this story and "The Return." Reviews ALWAYS help.**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: For someone who primarily expresses themselves through the written word, writer's block is torture. I wrote what was supposed to be the first half of this chapter a few days ago, but I just could not get the other half out of me. So instead of making you all suffer along with me, here is that section, as its own (very short) chapter.**

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When Olivia woke up the next morning her head was pounding. She knew she shouldn't have finished that whole bottle of wine, but she had been so overwhelmed by her feelings last night that she hadn't noticed how quickly it was going down. Standing up from the bed, she felt her stomach turn and she thought she might actually throw up.

She laid her hand over her stomach and cursed herself for being so stupid. There was a decent chance she might be pregnant; why had she let herself drink? She remembered that case with the pregnant woman who couldn't stop drinking. Olivia had tried to be understanding, but she grew to hate the woman. She thought that if she were ever blessed enough to be pregnant, she would do everything in her power to keep her baby healthy, and yet here she was.

Her fear of being just like her mother was rearing its ugly head. If Elliot were here he would remind her that she was stronger than her genes. Olivia moved slowly, yet determinedly, to the kitchen and collected all of the alcohol before pouring every last drop down the drain. She leaned on the counter over the sink and took a few deep breaths. It was hard to shake off the memories that flooded her. Her mom passed out on the couch and Olivia having to roll her on her side. Her mom coming after her with a broken bottle, gesturing wildly with it while yelling at Olivia. The men that she watched leave the apartment in the mornings while she sat at the table, eating the cereal she made herself.

The memories made her skin crawl and she pushed herself away from the counter and headed for the bathroom. After a long and thorough shower, Olivia headed out for a walk, hoping the fresh air would clear her mind. She wasn't surprised when her walk ended up at her mother's grave.

Her mother's rape was the reason Olivia had life and though she wished she could erase what happened to every single rape victim, it didn't include her mother. That dichotomy was the source of a lot of pain in Olivia's life. What was wrong with her that she was grateful for what her mother went through? But at the same time, how could she not value her own life? It was the reason she went into SVU. She wanted to help victims in a way she was never able to help her mother. Serena had never approved of the work she did, but Olivia loved her job. She knew that she was making a difference. If she saved even one woman from ending up like her mother, and she knew she had, it was all worth it. It was also the job that had brought her to the love of her life.

It was no coincidence that the man who was able to tear down Olivia's steel walls was a Special Victims detective. He knew her vulnerabilities and insecurities and he understood her in a way no other man ever had or ever could. Elliot was so much a part of her that she would never be be able to leave him. Her childhood with Serena had taught her that she could never rely on another person, but Elliot had proved time and again how false that was. She relied on him for so much and he had never truly let her down. Even when they were upset with one another, even when she pushed him away, he was always there.

As a little girl she always tried to be on her best behavior for fear that if she made a mistake, stepped a toe out of line, Serena would abandon her. But with Elliot it was different. When Olivia ran away, he stayed. He might not have welcomed her back with open arms, and she didn't blame him for it, but he was still there for her, wanting to make it work. That's how she knew he was the one. Her left hand drifted to her stomach once more and she looked down at it. She wanted there to be a baby in there as soon as possible, which was not new for her. But as she focused in on her hand, and her left ring finger, a new desire took over.

Olivia had never really dreamed about a fairy tale wedding and a prince charming husband and a happily ever after. Those weren't things that the children of rapists got to have. Elliot had changed that as well. She wondered if Elliot even thought about proposing to her. Who was she kidding? He was an old-fashioned guy and if he wanted to impregnate her, there was no way he hadn't even considered putting a ring on her finger. Despite all of the issues she had with her mother, when she looked down at her headstone, part of her wished Serena were here to see her life now. She wanted her to know how happy her daughter was.

Just then she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. It was a text from Elliot.

 _Should be home late tonight. If you're willing to stay up and wait for me, I'll make it worth your while ;)_

 _I think that can be arranged._

She slipped her phone back into her pocket and ran her hand over the top of Serena's headstone, before walking away slowly.

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 **Thank you to all my amazing readers and reviewers. Special shout out to Olivia E Bensler for her kind words and support, not just during this rough time, but all the time.**

 **All of your words are my greatest inspiration.** **Please drop me a review!**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Here is the other half of Chapter 27 that I had such trouble writing. To me, it was worth the pain of pushing through the block. I hope you'll agree.**

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When Elliot got home that night, he went straight to Olivia's place. It was a little before midnight and he was hoping that Olivia was still awake. The case had taken him and Fin to Virginia to track down a lead and meet with the local PD down there. On the way back home, he had stopped at the beach in Jersey. It was the first time he had seen his mom since he begged her to help him help Kathleen.

They caught up over dinner at the crab shack and she seemed to be doing okay. After dinner, they went back to the beach house and she showed Elliot some new paintings she had been working on. After a little while, Bernie couldn't hold back any longer. She asked Elliot what had prompted his visit, not that she wasn't thrilled to see him, she stressed. He told his mother about Olivia and how he finally got his head out of his ass and told her how he felt. The joy that radiated from his mother when he told her the reason he had come by was something Elliot had never seen before.

When he was growing up, his mother wore her plain wedding band on her left ring finger, but on her right one, she wore a beautiful diamond ring that she told him was a family heirloom. That was the ring he wanted to give to Olivia. No ring at any jewelry store he went to would be beautiful enough to be worthy of sitting on her finger. This ring was not only breathtaking, but it would also provide Olivia with that extra sense of security that she was a Stabler, she had a family, she belonged.

Bernie had tears in her eyes when Elliot said he wanted to make Olivia his wife. She wrapped her hand around the back of Elliot's neck and pulled him into her until their foreheads were touching. Their eyes met and they held each other's gaze for a few seconds before she slipped the ring from her finger and placed it in his hand. "Go get your girl, son," she whispered.

He opened the door to Olivia's apartment quietly, in case she had fallen asleep. Placing his duffel bag down as soon as he entered, he turned around slowly. Olivia was sprawled out on the couch, fast asleep. The blue light from the muted TV lit up her face and her beauty once again baffled Elliot. How was it possible for one woman to heal every ache in his heart with her soft eyes, full lips, and heart-stopping smile? Elliot walked over to her, taking small, light steps, knowing that Olivia was not a deep sleeper.

Next to her, he knelt down, putting them face-to-face. He lifted his hand and stroked her silky hair. Her eyelids fluttered for a few seconds until her chestnut orbs were revealed to him. Before she could speak, Elliot leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. Olivia let out a low moan and pulled Elliot's head back in for another, deeper kiss. Her tongue slipped into his mouth and Elliot felt a warm tingle spread from his scalp to the tip of his toes. He knew without a doubt that she was the only woman he ever wanted to kiss again.

They pulled back, just slightly, and Olivia mumbled against his lips, "I want to wake up to your face forever, El." Tears welled in his eyes and he felt a lump forming in his throat, but he swallowed hard, wanting to get the words out. He had planned a whole speech during the car ride from his mom's house, but now that he was staring the love of his life in the eye, all the words had flown from his head. He reached into his pocket and felt the cool metal of the ring.

"You promise?" He asked, lifting the ring from his pocket and holding it in front of Olivia's face. It glinted in the light from the television, but that was nothing compared to the sparkle in Olivia's eye. She didn't speak, just nodded her head violently and thrust her left hand at him. Elliot kissed her ring finger before slipping the piece of jewelry onto it, where he knew it would stay for the rest of her life.

"Even after I take my last breath, I will still love you, Olivia."

She scooted over on the couch until she was pressed up against the back of it, giving Elliot plenty of space. He took his place next to her and wrapped his arms around her body. As they kissed, Olivia's hands drifted from his back down to his ass. She squeezed it and used it to pull him into her even more. When their hips met, she started to move hers seductively, rubbing and thrusting against him. He felt his cock crying out for her. She was his home, now and forever.

He stripped her clothes slowly, taking time to kiss every inch of skin that was revealed to him. He pulled off some of his own clothes in the process until Olivia was completely naked and Elliot was left in his boxers. He licked a trail down her body until he came to her core. As he stared at her center, he couldn't help but feel proud that all of this was his. No other man would ever get to see her like this, feel her claw at him, taste her sweet juices.

Elliot kissed her lower lips the way he did her mouth; sucking, licking, nipping gently. He slipped his tongue inside of her slowly until he felt her adjust and then he pushed it in all the way. He couldn't get enough of her. Her promise to marry him was the greatest turn on he could ever imagine, but the moans and sighs she let out as he pleasured her were a close second.

"You're so beautiful, baby," he said between licks of her pussy. Olivia spread her legs wider and the hand she had on his head played with the small hairs on the back of his neck. "I'm gonna do this every day for the rest of my life."

Elliot's tongue danced over her swollen clit and Olivia let out a piercing scream. Her body shook violently as her orgasm tore through her and Elliot watched as she went stiff like a board and practically lifted off of the bed in ecstasy. He continued to lick at her, lapping up the fluid that was practically dripping from her. Olivia groaned and pushed at Elliot's head and he knew that meant she was oversensitive. He blew lightly on her folds before climbing back up the bed to look her in the eye. Olivia was panting, so he knew he'd have to be first to speak.

"I can't wait for you to be Mrs. Olivia Stabler," Elliot said, kissing her nose.

"Benson," Olivia managed to choke out through her heavy breaths. "I'm not changing my name."

Elliot didn't want to fight her on it tonight, the night of their engagement, but this wasn't the end of that particular conversation. Instead he leaned in and tangled his lips with hers while his hands stripped him of his boxers. Olivia reached for his dick as they kissed and under her ministrations, he became more worked up than he thought was possible. She moved her lips to where his jaw met his neck right below his left ear and said, "You can call me Mrs. Stabler in the bedroom, though."

Elliot secured his arms around Olivia's long, lithe body before flipping them over. He laid over her and kissed her sensually, teasing at what was to come as he rocked his erection against her stomach. "I'm going to put my baby inside of you, Mrs. Stabler," he grunted before moving slightly and pushing into Olivia's wetness. They moved together completely in sync. Olivia's arms stroked Elliot's back as he moved inside of her. She brought her legs up to wrap around him and pressed her feet into his ass, urging him to go deeper.

Her wish was Elliot's command and he bottomed out inside of her, creating the perfect angle for his body to stimulate her clit. He could barely breathe and he was hoping the added contact would push Olivia over the edge for the second time so that he could follow her. He moved his lips down to her neck and sucked hard, feeling her pulse race under his mouth. Olivia's nails dug into his back and her inner walls gripped him tighter than ever before as she came. Elliot followed her almost immediately, releasing his seed inside of her. This time, as they kissed and touched in the afterglow, they were both sure that they had made their baby.

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 **But did they?**

 **Review and you'll find out.**


	29. Chapter 29

It was getting late in the evening when Olivia sat in the office filling out form after form. She wanted to go home, but more than that, she wanted to finish up this paperwork. The latest case had hit pretty close to home. Infertile couples, bought and sold babies. Not that Elliot or Olivia would ever consider that. But they had been trying to get pregnant for months.

She was so happy to be engaged to Elliot and both the Stabler family and the squad had taken the news really well. They had thrown a dinner party at Elliot's place with everyone in attendance. It had been a wonderful night, and in bed after the party, Elliot asked Olivia to move in with him. Everything in her life was a dream come true. Except for the fact that she didn't seem any closer to becoming a mother.

When they went undercover as a couple desperate for a child, it wasn't that hard of an acting job. Olivia actually was desperate. She really wanted a drink after this case, but she was still off of alcohol. She doubted she was pregnant, but she didn't want to chance it. As soon as her period came, she would help herself to few glasses of wine.

As she thought about it, a light bulb went off in her head. She pulled her day planner out of her top desk drawer and rifled through it, trying to find it. Her eyes went wide as she flipped through the pages to double check. Triple check. According to her calendar, she was two weeks late.

 _Please, just give us our baby._ When she had said the words to Petrov, she wasn't Beth Butler. She was Olivia Benson and she was speaking to whatever higher power there was. She didn't want to get her hopes up, but she was normally pretty regular. Had her pleas been heard? She heard a crack and looked down. Her hands were shaking, so hard apparently that she had dropped her day planner. She bent over to pick it up and tucked it back in her drawer. She looked down at her left hand and the beautiful ring she had been wearing the past five weeks.

Was this really her life? They had not discussed any wedding planning yet, still basking in the glow of their engagement, but she was going to marry Elliot. She took a deep breath. That was enough for her. If she never had a child, she was determined not to let it destroy the happiness she had found with Elliot. But as she rubbed her stomach gently, she thought it might really be happening. There could be a baby in there right now. The case had distracted her from keeping track of her cycle and, to be honest, she hadn't been too focused on it lately, trying to just let it happen if it was meant to.

Olivia tried to return to her paperwork, but after rereading the same form 5 times over she decided to call it quits. Elliot was already home and had texted her to say that there was leftover pizza from his dinner with the kids waiting for her. She packed up her bag quickly and made her way out of the station. Normally she would take a cab home, but she really wanted to walk. Her heart was racing and while it was warm out, Olivia felt like she was burning from the inside out.

As she walked into the drugstore, she tried to remind herself that even if the test was negative, that didn't mean they would never have a child. They could keep making love. They could try IVF or AI. If worse came to worse, she would consider adopting, though she hadn't discussed that with Elliot yet. A negative was not the end of the world. But it kind of felt like it.

The last time Olivia had taken a pregnancy test was in college. She had picked the cheapest one and prayed it was negative. She couldn't afford an abortion and there was no way she was going to have the baby. When there was only one blue line, she had cried tears of joy. Now, it would be the exact opposite. As she looked over the tests, Olivia realized that she couldn't focus on the words in front of her. She grabbed one each of the five tests they had in stock and paid for them.

When she walked into the apartment, Elliot was sitting on the couch reading the paper. He looked up at Olivia and smiled and though Olivia hadn't realized they were there, the tears in her eyes pushed their way over her lids. "Liv?" Elliot dropped the paper down on the couch and walked over to her. He held her face in his hands and she could see his blue eyes through the moisture clouding hers. She held up the plastic bag and Elliot tore his eyes from hers to look inside it.

She heard him gasp. "Two weeks, El." He brought one hand to his mouth and looked back up at Olivia.

"Are you ready?" He asked in the softest voice he could manage.

Olivia nodded and Elliot held her free hand. "Let's go pee, then."

Elliot offered to wait outside the bathroom while Olivia went, but she wanted him in there with her. As she sat down on the toilet, she tried to take deep breaths and calm her body down so she could actually pee. Elliot had unwrapped three of the pregnancy tests and held them out to her from his position on the floor opposite the toilet.

"It's going to be okay, Liv. Either way," he said, looking her in the eye again. Olivia closed her eyes and felt herself open up. As she peed she pulled the test from Elliot's hands and held them under the stream. She handed them back to Elliot, who was careful not to touch the part she peed on and he placed them on their respective boxes. Olivia zipped her pants and washed her hands.

"Two minutes," Elliot said. He held his arms open and Olivia walked right into them, laying her head on his shoulder. His hands moved up and down her back, soothing her and keeping her breathing regular. "I love you, Liv," he whispered before kissing the top of her head.

They pulled back when the timer on Elliot's phone went off and Elliot wiped the tears from Olivia's cheeks. "Do you want to look? You want me to? You want us to do it together?"

Olivia slipped her left hand into his right and Elliot rubbed her hand with his thumb. "Together," she said firmly. They walked over to the sink and looked down.

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 **Don't hate me! Vote in my poll on Twitter ( jamster4170): Is Olivia pregnant or not? And don't forget to review!**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Finally, the big reveal.**

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Olivia was sure that when she looked down at the three tests on the counter she was going to see one blue line, a negative symbol, and the words "not pregnant." She readied herself for it. She really didn't want to fall apart in front of Elliot. He would be upset too and they would have to be strong for each other. They would continue trying, so Olivia didn't understand why this moment felt like such a big deal to her.

Taking one last breath and letting the air fill her lungs, she finally dropped her gaze.

Two blue lines.

A positive symbol.

Pregnant.

Her free hand flew to her mouth as she choked back a sob that caught in her throat. The hand that was intertwined with Elliot's squeezed his. She turned to look at her blue-eyed partner, the man who had made all her dreams come true, the father of her child. There were tears in his eyes and they stared at each other silently for a minute before Elliot spoke.

"You're pregnant, Liv. We're gonna have a baby. You're gonna be a mommy." He kissed her forehead, each of her eyelids, her nose, and finally her lips. Olivia was too overwhelmed with emotion to speak, but she kissed him back hungrily. Now that she thought about it, she had been feeling very tired lately. Her body was achy and sore all the time. She thought it was just stress getting to her, but now she knew the real reason.

She was so grateful to Elliot. Finally she was going to be a mother, the way she had always dreamed, and Elliot was the one responsible. Not only had he actually been the one to impregnate her, but he convinced her not to give up on her dream of a baby. He promised it would be a reality. And now it was.

She was yanked from her reverie by Elliot's strong arms, lifting her from the ground. She held onto him tightly as they continued kissing and he carried her into the bedroom. He pushed Olivia up against the wall, the impact a little harder than he probably intended. She bumped her head a bit, but she didn't care.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt the baby," Elliot spoke into her lips. "Are you okay?"

Kathy had gone through four pregnancies, so this was nothing new for Elliot. He had to know that Olivia and the baby were fine after a slight bump into the wall. But Olivia found it adorable that he was so flustered by it. His natural instinct was to take care of them and protect them, and it was so strong that it overrode logic in his mind. She wrapped her legs around his waist and said between kisses, "We're fine, El. Both baby and mommy."

They continued kissing as hands explored bodies and Olivia felt completely over stimulated. All of the sudden, her hormones were in full swing. One part of her wanted to fuck Elliot, and the other part wanted to curl up in a ball and sob. She guessed that this was par for the course now that she was pregnant. First thing tomorrow morning she was going to call her gynecologist and schedule an appointment. She knew she was pregnant, but to be absolutely sure it wasn't a false positive, she wanted to get a blood test done immediately.

From their position, with Olivia up against the wall and Elliot's hands holding her there, it was hard for them to undress one another. Olivia moved her lips to Elliot's neck and began to suck the rough skin there, feeling his stubble bristle against her lips. "El… Bed."

Elliot moved like he was chasing down a perp. He was quick, focused, determined. Olivia felt her back hit the bed in seconds and Elliot's weight pressed down on her for just a moment, before he shifted onto his side. He laid to the left of Olivia and hooked his left leg between hers while his left hand attached to her right breast and his mouth made love to hers. Olivia took short, quick breaths, as she felt the flames of arousal consume her. It was impossible to think about anything else but Elliot and their baby.

Slowly they undressed one another, bodies still tangled together. Once they were completely naked, Olivia felt Elliot move down on the bed and she went to stop him. "Not now, El. I want you inside of me."

But Elliot pushed her hands off and continued moving. He stopped before he got to her center, his mouth hovering over her lower belly. As he spoke, his lips tickled her soft skin, "Hi, baby. It's Daddy. I just want you to know I love you and your mommy very much." He punctuated his sweet sentiment with a wet, slow kiss. Olivia felt the moisture slip from her eyes, but she couldn't have stopped it if she wanted to.

Elliot worked his way back up her body, stopping to pay extra attention to her breasts. It had been about a week since the last time they made love and she noticed that her nipples were a bit more sensitive than usual. As Elliot licked, sucked, and fondled them he commented, "I can't wait until you get your pregnancy boobs."

Olivia let out a laugh and asked him, teasingly, "What? Are these not good enough for you as they are?"

Elliot's head looked up from her chest and he said, sincerely, "You are more than good enough, Olivia. You are too good for me. You are perfect." Grabbing his head, Olivia pulled him up to kiss her and after a few minutes of passionate, languid kissing, their bodies rubbing up against each other, she felt Elliot's erection slip between her thighs.

She moaned from deep in her throat when he teased her core, moving back and forth gently, his hips mimicking the rhythm they adopted when he was inside of her. "I need you, El," she practically whined, desperate to feel his thick erection inside of her. Elliot reached down and pulled Olivia's left leg up over his shoulder, creating the perfect angle for him to slide inside of her. As he did, Olivia cried out and dug her nails into his back with one hand while her other fisted the sheets beneath her.

It was like their bodies were made to be together, every hill and valley locking them into place. Elliot filled all of her gaps; he made her complete. As he moved inside of her, Olivia felt her eyes roll into the back of her head, and her inner walls began to spasm. She couldn't believe how quickly she was responding to his body and she imagined that as her hormones raged over the next months, she would be insatiable.

The moment when Elliot hit just the right spot at just the right angle with just the right amount of force Olivia came apart completely. As her orgasm took control, she felt herself break into a thousand pieces. She couldn't see anything or feel anything other than Elliot. She could live off of this moment. There was nothing else in the world she needed. Not food. Not water. Not air. Just Elliot.

As she started to come back down to reality, she realized from the sounds of his breathing that Elliot must have found his release as well. He held Olivia close to him and rolled them over so she was lying on top of him. Sweat had pooled in her lower back, which now dripped down her sides. As they calmed down together, Elliot's hands touched every part of her.

Olivia tilted her head up to place kisses on his jaw when it struck her that more so than an engagement ring, this baby growing inside of her meant that she and Elliot would be connected forever. Burying her face in the crook of his neck, a smile graced her lips.

She heard her soon-to-be husband and the father of her baby say sleepily, "I love you so much, baby."

"I love you almost as much as I love our baby," she answered, biting his neck playfully.

* * *

 **A/N: This was the original end I foresaw for this story. This is their happily ever after. I might continue this story because I really enjoy writing it or I might just wrap it up with an epilogue. It all depends on the muse and your reviews. Either way, there is at least one more chapter to come. Thank you for your faithful readership over these last 30 chapters.**


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: Most of the feedback I received indicated a strong interest in this story being continued. I do feel that there is a lot more story left to tell, but part of me doubts my ability to do it. That said, thanks to some wonderful advice I received, I am going to give it a whirl and hope you guys want to continue this journey with me.**

* * *

The thin paper gown itched her skin, but Olivia barely noticed. She had bigger things on her mind, sitting on the edge of the exam table, swinging her legs, waiting for her doctor to come in. Elliot was sitting in the chair that he had pulled over next to her, hands clasped in his lap. It had been a week since she took the at-home test and a few days ago she had gone to the lab to have her blood drawn. Today was her first scheduled appointment with her gynecologist, Dr. Stone.

They had been waiting in the exam room for about 20 minutes, mostly in silence. Olivia's mind was too full to speak. They hadn't told anyone about the pregnancy yet, it was too early. That was a good excuse to fall back on for now, but from her own calculations she had to be about halfway through her first trimester so they would be able to share the news soon. Olivia was torn, however. Part of her was bursting at the seams to tell everyone she met. But the more dominant part wanted to keep this a secret between her and Elliot for as long as possible.

Once they told the kids and the squad, they would have to deal with the repercussions. Having a child wasn't something Olivia wanted to have to "deal with." But she knew that she couldn't expect everyone else to be as happy as she and Elliot were. Almost as soon it was safe to tell people, they would at least have to inform the Captain so she could be put on restrictive duty. That would change things up in the squad once more and she didn't know if the guys would be okay with that.

And then there were Elliot's kids. She wanted desperately to believe that they would embrace this new addition to their family, but she wondered if there was a limit on how much they could take. They had handled the relationship between their father and Olivia, them living together, and the engagement with grace and kindness. How much more could she expect from them? If they bent anymore, would they break? Would they come to resent their youngest sibling?

For the most part, Olivia had managed to avoid morning sickness, so when she felt a bout of nausea, she knew it wasn't the baby's fault. A few knocks in rapid succession announced Dr. Stone's arrival before the tall, thin, gray-haired woman entered the room. Olivia had been going to Dr. Stone since she was sixteen. She was warm, understanding, and there was not a judgmental bone in her body. Olivia had admitted to her in the past about her desire to become a mother and she wouldn't trust any other doctor to take her on this journey.

"Congratulations, Olivia," She said sweetly, entering the room. Olivia noticed her eyes go wide at the sight of Elliot and she smiled, sheepishly. "And Olivia's friend?" The leading question drew a laugh from Olivia's lips and she gestured to Elliot.

"Dr. Stone, this is my fiancé, Elliot. He's the father." Those words sounded so right falling from her lips. As much as she wanted to be a mother, it never could have felt this perfect if Elliot wasn't the father. He was the other half of her, so only he could ever be the other half of her baby as well.

Dr. Stone extended her hand to Elliot and he shook it. "So we're definitely having a baby? No 98% effective at-home pregnancy test? This is 100% confirmed?" He knew that Olivia still held a tiny seed of doubt and she appreciated his effort to release her from its clutches.

"You are absolutely pregnant, Olivia. Your hCG levels are exactly what we would expect. I just want to go through some questions with you, talk about some of the risks since you are what we consider Advanced Maternal Age, and then I'm going to do a quick exam." Olivia chewed at the inside of her cheek. The first hurdle had been getting pregnant, but that wasn't the end. She was forty-one years old and there were definitely health risks for both herself and the baby. Elliot had obviously sensed her fear; he reached his hand up to squeeze her thigh.

Using the date of Olivia's last menstrual period, they were able to determine that she was about six weeks along. Olivia did the math quickly in her head and thought that there was a very good chance their child had been conceived on the night of their engagement. She shook her head almost imperceptibly; that was far too romantic of a notion and they were very sexually active, so it could have happened at any time. She was glad that it was definitely after she gave up drinking, so there was one less thing to worry about. Her due date was December 28th and Olivia didn't miss the fact that it was almost exactly one year from the date she had agreed to begin trying to get pregnant.

After getting all of the basic information out of the way, Dr. Stone took a deep breath. The change in her voice was noticeable. She wanted to be gentle. "Now I just quickly want to go over some options for screenings that you may want to have done. I do strongly recommend them, but the decision is all up to the two of you.

"I know you know the risks for genetic and birth defects, but I just want to remind you. They are not as common as people make them sound, but the risks are elevated. There is no reason to believe your son or daughter won't be perfectly healthy. We won't worry at all, until we have something to worry about."

"Okay. Yeah," Olivia said, cautiously. She wanted the tests done, but she knew Elliot hadn't wanted Kathy to have them, so there was a good chance he might put up a bit of a fight.

"So, our first trimester combined screenings consist of a blood test around the nine week mark and an ultra sound around the eleven week mark. These let us know if there is anything abnormal, or anything we need to pay extra attention to. We also have some genetic tests we could do. CVS is generally performed between ten and twelve weeks and an amniocentesis wouldn't be until around sixteen to twenty weeks. That said, it's too soon now to do anything, so take some time and talk about it."

Both Elliot and Olivia nodded their heads and Olivia scooted back on the table, getting into position for the exam.

* * *

Olivia tried not to let all of the complications that came along with this pregnancy put a damper on her happiness, but she wasn't doing a very good job. Sitting across from Elliot in the diner, Olivia just ordered a decaf tea and whole-wheat toast. She said she didn't have much of an appetite, which was true, but Elliot knew there was more to the story.

He reached for her hand across the table and held it in his, rubbing her smooth skin soothingly. "Liv, I know there are a lot of thoughts running through that beautiful head of yours, but please don't overthink this." When Olivia went to that dark place in her own mind, there was no pulling her out of it. If she was convinced that something was wrong or something bad was going to happen, it wasn't within Elliot's power to change her mind. She would have to see it for herself.

Olivia was quiet for a minute and then she pulled her hand back, bringing it under the table, likely to settle in her lap, and she cleared her throat. "I'm having the testing done, Elliot. All of it." She knew she was coming across a bit harsh, bypassing any pretense of a discussion, but she needed to be clear about this. There was no way she could go into this blind. She had enough insecurities about her abilities as a mother, she didn't wasn't going to choose to be even further unprepared.

But Elliot didn't see it that way. All he saw was Olivia laying down a mandate. He could feel himself start to become hot, the rage beginning to simmer and bubble inside of him. He closed his eyes and focused on the air filling his lungs. When Olivia was afraid or uncertain, she became stubborn and almost unreasonable. But Elliot had to try and reason with her.

"Olivia, don't you think that is a decision that the two of us should make together?" He asked through tight lips.

"It's not a discussion, Elliot. I need to know." Today was supposed to be a joyous day, but it was quickly dissolving into one that would call for apologies. Elliot brought his hands to his knees and fisted his jeans. Why was Olivia trying to cut him out of this? Did his opinions not matter to her when it came to their child? He knew that wasn't true, but it was certainly what her behavior was indicating.

They had been so happy when they woke up this morning. Elliot had kissed Olivia's flat stomach and whispered to the baby. Olivia laughed at him and said he'd feel stupid if it turned out there was no baby in there. His blue eyes had smiled up at her as he told her, "There is a baby in there. My baby."

"Our baby," she had corrected him. And now she was acting like this child was hers and hers alone. Olivia's worries sometimes became too much for him. Instead of pulling him in to comfort her, Olivia was still pushing him away and Elliot was getting tired of it. They had made a commitment to each other. Two commitments. Marriage and a baby. There was no more pushing him away.

Normally, Elliot would have stood up and walked out just then. But he fought that instinct. His love for Olivia and the child inside of her overrode everything else so with his eyes closed, he asked her, "I understand why you want the tests, Olivia, and I respect that. What I don't understand is why you don't want to talk about it with me."

Olivia must have been expecting him to storm out, because she looked genuinely surprised that he had stayed and questioned her. Elliot knew he made the right choice. Olivia still expected people to hurt her and leave her and it was his lifelong goal to prove her wrong. He watched her as she gave her answer some thought and when she opened her mouth, he silenced his own thoughts completely.

"Remember when Kathy was pregnant with Eli?" He nodded. "She was over 40 and you didn't want her to have the tests. Eli came out perfectly fine and that's wonderful, but I don't want to leave it up to fate. Either this baby will be perfectly healthy or it won't be. I need to know and I need to be prepared. I don't want you to try and talk me out of it, which by the looks of how upset you are with my choice, you would very well do."

Elliot exhaled. It sometimes struck him that they didn't really know each other as well as they thought they did. "Olivia, I would never try to talk you out of that decision, or any other decision, quite frankly. I respect you and your opinions far too much for that. All I have ever tried to do was reassure you and ease your fears. If you really want to get tested, then we will.

"Kathy and I didn't do that with Eli, and part of that was my choice, but Kathy didn't want it either. Liv, I want you to be happy and have peace of mind so if that's what it takes, that's what we'll do. I just want to be included in a discussion and to feel like what I have to say matters." He picked at the label on the bottle of root beer in front of him, not making eye contact with Olivia.

The waitress brought their food, and other than muttered words of thanks, they didn't speak. Finally, Olivia broke the stalemate in between bites of her toast. "Of course your opinions matter to me, Elliot. They matter so much that I might let you change mine, which I didn't want to happen in this case. I'm just afraid. You know how much I want this, but I hat not being in control and this test is going to help give it back to me in a small way." She brought her hand back to the center of the table in a peace offering and Elliot accepted it.

"I know, Liv. Just remember, it is going to be okay. No matter what, we have each other. And when it's safe to tell people, we will have an even bigger support system, which we're going to need no matter what those test results say." He let out a low chuckle and Olivia knew he was thinking about the craziness ahead. He had already had five newborns, so he knew exactly what was in store for them.

His words drew a smile from her, the first since they had left the doctor's office. Everything was going to be okay, she reminded herself. Dr. Stone had said there was no reason to worry until there was a reason to worry. She had dreamed of being pregnant for so long and she wanted to enjoy every second because this could very well be her one and only. Her eyes met Elliot's and she saw the love in them. "I don't want to be a downer, El. I'm so happy that we are having a baby. Let's focus on that and not the bad stuff, okay?"

He brought her hand to his mouth and placed a sweet kiss on it, "Sounds good to me."


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: I've been missing the Stabler kids, haven't you?**

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While Olivia's body definitely felt pregnant, she couldn't yet feel the baby that was growing inside of her. It was too early to feel it kick or turn inside of her. Until that happened however, her favorite part of being pregnant was the way that Elliot doted on her.

He got up early and made her breakfast. He ran the water for her showers, making sure it was just the right temperature. He insisted on bringing all of the groceries up the three flights to their apartment. He carried her to bed at night and when they made love, he was even more concerned with her pleasure than usual. Every night before they fell asleep and every morning when they woke up he kissed her stomach and talked to their child. Olivia couldn't believe this was her life.

Elliot's kids were coming over for dinner in a little bit and he was cooking. Olivia sat on the couch flipping through a magazine.

"Hey, Liv," he called from the kitchen.

"Hmm?" Olivia didn't look up from her magazine, rolling her neck from side to side to relieve some of the stress. Just her normally daily activities now made her sore all over, one of the less fun pregnancy side effects. She preferred the higher sex drive and endless appetite. Luckily she had barely put on any weight yet. It seemed that along with her appetite, her metabolism had also increased. She knew Elliot's favorite side effect was her growing breasts. He paid them inordinate amounts of attention in bed.

"I know it's still early, but I was thinking maybe we could tell the kids about the baby tonight." He knew she probably wouldn't go for that, but he would never get the answer he wanted if he didn't ask.

"El, I know you are excited to tell the kids, but it's really early. I'm only two months along."

"Liv, nothing is going to happen," Elliot said, setting the table.

Olivia was getting tired of Elliot dismissing all of her concerns. She knew he just didn't want her to worry, but it wasn't helping her to feel like he wasn't actually listening to her.

"El, please." She brought her hand to her forehead in frustration. "I really want to wait until my second trimester. That's what the doctor said and that's what I want to do." She didn't want to fight since the kids would be here any minute.

"Olivia, all I want is to make you happy, but I don't want the rest of this pregnancy and the raising of our child to be all about you. I'm the father. I need to have some say. It doesn't seem like you want to compromise at all here, Liv." He walked over to the couch and sat down next to her. Olivia could hear in his voice that he wasn't mad at her, just upset.

She reached out for his hands and intertwined hers with them, "You're right, El. I need to wait until the doctor gives us the all clear, but what if I offer you another compromise?"

Elliot raised his eyebrows in question. Olivia was stubborn and she rarely compromised. He had been that way just a few years ago, but his relationship with Olivia had changed him. Her happiness came before his own so he was quicker to give in if something pleased her.

"What if we start planning the wedding soon?" Elliot beamed at her suggestion. They had basked in the newness of their engagement until they got pregnant. That news had taken over a lot of the excitement, but just two weeks ago Elliot brought up the "W-word," asking Olivia when she wanted to have the wedding. She told him that she couldn't even begin to think about that and that there was no rush.

The traditional part of Elliot really wanted to get married before the baby was born. Olivia knew that without him even having to say it. Olivia didn't feel the same urgency, but she did want to be married to Elliot sooner rather than later. She had always thought that marriage was just a piece of paper, but now it was a piece of paper that she felt would give her that final sense of security. The child inside of her was the greatest commitment she could imagine, but a matching set of wedding rings was the last piece of the puzzle.

Elliot kissed her forehead and keeping his lips against her he said, "I think that's a good compromise. Maybe we can talk about it with the kids. I really want them to be included in everything. I don't want them to think that I'm trying to make some sort of new family with you and the baby that they aren't a part of."

That's what this was all about, Olivia thought. She didn't doubt his joy about the trajectory their relationship was on, but she knew he had to feel a bit torn and she didn't want that for him. "Absolutely, El. We are one family. There is no us and them." She looked directly into his eyes as she spoke, their foreheads now pressed together.

Elliot kissed her lips and they started to get into it when the apartment door flew open, letting in the whole brood of Stabler kids plus Dan, who was now a regular at family events.

"Ugh," Dick exclaimed, the first one to spot his father and Olivia in their slightly compromising position on the couch. They sat up quickly, Olivia ruffling her hair and Elliot buttoning the open buttons on his shirt.

"Liv!" Eli's legs moved at almost inhuman speed and he stopped at her feet, reaching his arms up. When she looks at Eli, she thinks about her own baby and wonders if he or she will love and adore her the way that their big brother does. Shaking off her insecurities, she stands and greets the rest of her soon-to-be step-children.

Over dinner they catch up on all of the kids' latest news. Maureen was accepted into the Ph.D. program and she and Dan were looking to move in together. Olivia wondered how Elliot would take that particular bit of news, but he seemed to be okay with it. He and Dan had talked a few times and Elliot knew his daughter's boyfriend was a good man.

Kathleen's finals were coming up and then she would be heading into her last year at Hudson. She was majoring in English and wanted to be a high school teacher. After everything she went through with her mental health she had taken a break from boys, but now she was easing her way back into the dating scene and going out with a friend of one of her roommates.

The twins were just about finished with their junior year of high school and college was definitely on the horizon. Dick was still interested in the military, but he had promised Elliot he would get a degree before he made a decision about whether or not to enlist. Lizzie's grades were incredible, out-performing every one of her siblings by miles. She was very humble and never really spoke out about her schoolwork. Olivia had a strong feeling that she would end up at Columbia, but Lizzie maintained that she was keeping her options open.

Eli was as happy and light as ever. Olivia cut up his lasagna into tiny pieces, most of which ended up on the floor or covering his face. He laughed at the mess he made and when Olivia groaned playfully he yelled, "Sorry, Liv!" earning a chuckle from the whole family.

It was over dessert that the real conversation started.

"So we met Mom's boyfriend last night," Dick said, seemingly out of nowhere. Kathleen, who was sitting next to him, elbowed him in the side. "What?" He asked.

Elliot cleared his throat. Kathy had mentioned that she would be introducing the kids to David and Elliot gave her his blessing. When they split the first time he had been nervous that anyone she dated would try to take his place in their children's lives, but he didn't have that fear anymore. He was so much closer with his children now than he had been back then and a lot of that was thanks to Olivia. She always put his kids first and supported him in all of his fatherly duties.

"How did that go?" He asked, looking at his son but speaking to all of his children.

"It was alright," Dick shrugged. "He was nice enough and he treats Mom good."

"Well," Lizzie corrected, earning herself a dirty glare from her twin.

"We're just happy that both our parents are happy," Maureen interjected, smiling at her father and Olivia.

"Speaking of which," Olivia started and Elliot squeezed her thigh under the table. "We are going to start planning the wedding soon and we want you guys to be a big part of everything. I'm hoping that you three girls will be my wedding planners/bridesmaids," she smiled as she spoke and it reassured Elliot that she wasn't going to run under the weight of all the commitments they were facing. That she wanted this just as much as he did. The girls squealed and nodded their heads.

"We'd love to, Liv," Kathleen said.

"And Dick, you'll be my best man, right?" Elliot asked.

"Do I have to do anything?" He asked.

"Just stand there next to me," Elliot laughed.

"Alright then."

Olivia leaned over to kiss Eli's head and said, "And we have our ring bearer right here." Eli looked up at her and blew a kiss.

She couldn't relate the timeframe of the wedding to the baby so she simply said, "We're thinking we'd like to have it in just a few months. And I really want to keep it small. All of our family and people from work."

Elliot nodded his head along with her words and when she stopped speaking and the kids began, their voices intermingling and canceling each other out, he pressed a soft kiss to Olivia's lips.

* * *

The kids' excitement about the wedding had served to reassure Olivia that they would take the news of their new little sibling pretty well. Their family was so close and another new member would hopefully just be another person for them all to love. Olivia rubbed her stomach as she lay in bed, thinking about how much she already loved her baby.

As an adult now, Olivia didn't doubt that her mother loved her. She never would have chosen to keep her if she didn't. But as a child, she hadn't been entirely sure. She felt her cool skin beneath her fingertips and made a promise to her unborn child that he or she would always know how much mommy loved him or her.

Just then Elliot came out of the bathroom, clad in just a towel. He stalked over to the bed, his eyes devouring Olivia. When he was standing in front of her, he dropped the towel and Olivia feasted on the sight of his naked body. It really was a work of art. She removed her hands from her stomach and reached up for him, the memories of her mother stirring in her a need to feel loved. As Elliot tore her clothes from her body and kissed every inch of her skin, she felt just that: loved. Totally. Completely.

* * *

 **A/N: Up next is the Season 11 finale and some major drama is heading for EO. Please review!**


	33. Chapter 33

It was all too much. The last 24 hours had been a nightmare. Seeing Olivia lying on that floor in the warehouse, having no idea if she and the baby were okay. Feeling Sophie's agony at the death of her son. Knowing that Olivia was being held hostage in that room in the morgue; that she and the baby were in danger.

He kept his cool long enough to diffuse the hostage situation, but walking through the front door of their apartment that night, Elliot could feel the frustration seeping from his pores. Olivia's hands were still slightly red, tainted by the blood that had spilled from Melinda. Elliot watched as she ran her maroon fingers through her hair. He couldn't bring himself to think about how close he had been to losing both her and the baby. He hadn't been there to protect them and he would never forgive himself.

Olivia went to the refrigerator and pulled out a beer for Elliot and a bottle of iced tea for herself, dropping down on the couch. Elliot came to rest next to her, taking the beer from her hands and looking down at it. His knees were bouncing nervously, his hands were sweating. He watched as Olivia reached for the remote on the coffee table and he covered her hand with his. Her brown eyes looked up at him, questioning.

Now wasn't the time to have this discussion, he knew. Tensions were too high. But he couldn't keep it in. "Liv, when you were in that room…" He began. "I didn't know if you were safe, if you were okay. I was told a shot went off and all I could think about was that if something happened to you or our baby…" His words trailed off and Olivia used her other hand to place the remote back down on the coffee table before wrapping her arms around his torso, resting her head on his chest. He wondered if she could hear his heart beating.

"El, nothing happened. I'm fine. The baby is fine." Soft touches told him that she was drawing circles on his chest and he drew in breath.

"For now. But I don't want to take that chance again."

He felt a rush of cool air on his chest as Olivia pulled away from him. "What are you saying?"

"It's just that SVU is so dangerous. Chasing perps, getting held hostage, all the threats on our lives. I don't think you should stay there now that we are having a baby. It's too risky."

Through gritted teeth, Olivia said, "I can't believe you are doing this right now, Elliot." Her use of his full name didn't go unnoticed. "I can take care of myself. I'm not leaving SVU."

Her refusal of his words was the match that set him on fire. "I thought you could take care of yourself, Liv. But you let Sophie get that gun, get the drop on you," he said, his voice rising.

"Hold it right there!" Olivia shouted, standing up. "I didn't _let her_ do anything." Elliot had never seen such venom in her eyes. He knew he had gone too far, but he couldn't stop.

"She never should have gotten that gun. You knew she was distraught. You knew it could turn volatile. What were you thinking?"

"I never meant for that to happen, but I couldn't have prevented her getting another cop's gun. Once she had that gun, I made all the right calls. I tried to keep her calm, I saved Melinda's life. What more do you want from me? Yeah, the work we do is dangerous, but we always knew that." Olivia ran her hands through her hair. Her body was pulsing; she was covered in goosebumps and her arm hair was standing up straight.

"Our job has always been dangerous, but you haven't always been pregnant. You're supposed to be protecting our baby, not putting it in danger." As soon as the words left his mouth, he knew he was wrong. Before he could apologize, he felt Olivia's cold hand connect with his face.

"How dare you talk to me like that." She pointed her finger at him and Elliot could see the disgust in her eyes.

"Li-"

"Fuck you, Elliot." He watched as she moved to the door, pulling it open furiously and slamming it shut behind her.

* * *

As Olivia wandered the city streets, she wished she had the kind of friends she could crash with when she and Elliot got into a fight. Not that she thought she would ever be in this position.

She couldn't face going home. Just the thought of the words he had spewed made her seethe. Alex was still out of town and she wasn't desperate enough to end up on Fin's doorstep. After about forty blocks, Olivia's feet were killing her and she ducked into the closest hotel, praying they had a room.

Her prayers were answered and half an hour later she was snuggled under the covers of the bed, waiting for her room service. Olivia had grown so used to having company in bed that she felt cold without Elliot's arms wrapped around her, but she told herself it was just that the air conditioning was on high.

She wrapped her arms around herself for warmth. Having spent her whole life alone before Elliot, she could certainly attest to the fact that it was better to have someone than no one. But she couldn't forgive the hurtful things Elliot had said. Not that he had even asked for forgiveness. Her phone had died long ago and in her haste to leave the apartment she hadn't brought the charger. She had no idea if Elliot had attempted to apologize, but she was sure he had probably called. It would worry him not to hear from her, she knew, but she just didn't care.

How could he accuse her of not protecting their child? The life growing inside of her was everything to Olivia. The love she had for Elliot paled in comparison to what she felt for their baby. There was nothing she wouldn't do for him or her. But she didn't agree that leaving SVU was necessary to keep the baby safe. Did he think she couldn't do her job effectively? If it came down to the job or the baby, of course she would choose the baby, but they weren't at that point and hopefully never would be.

* * *

Elliot had gone too far, he knew. In his fury he had hit way below the belt by accusing Olivia of not protecting their child. There was nothing she wanted more than this baby and she would never put his or her life in danger. His body still pulsed with the aftershocks of his anger, but he knew he had to apologize. He wasn't even mad at Olivia. He had transferred the feelings of guilt that plagued him onto her, blaming her. He had been wrong.

Olivia was always quick to answer her phone so when it rang for the third time, he knew she was ignoring him. He understood that she needed space; he just hoped that a long walk around the city would calm her down and when she came back, they could have the calm discussion they should have had in the first place.

He passed the time by cleaning the apartment. The floors were vacuumed, the stove scrubbed to sparkling, the laundry washed and sorted. His anger dissipated as he went through the motions of the chores. It was almost midnight when he decided to call it a night. Checking his phone, he saw that Olivia hadn't called or texted. He pressed '1' on his speed dial, but this time it didn't ring, it just went straight to voicemail. He called twice more to be sure and both times it was the same result. He left one message asking her to call him. Either Olivia had turned her phone off or it was dead, leaving him no way of knowing where she was and if or when she was coming home.

His fists were itching to hit something. It was late and he was getting anxious. She was alone and vulnerable after their fight. She had to know that he was worried about her, but by allowing herself to be unreachable she was effectively saying that she didn't care. This was just like Olivia. She was running. A lot of the blame belonged with him for snapping at her, but at least she knew that even if they fought, he would still be there. It pained him that he couldn't say the same thing.

After rinsing off the day with a long, hot shower, Elliot finally laid down in bed, facing the wall rather than Olivia's empty side. He had left the hall light on in case she did come home, but he knew that she wouldn't. Tossing and turning for hours, Elliot finally fell asleep just a few hours before he had to be awake again.

* * *

It figured that the morning after her fight with Elliot would be the first time Olivia would experience a wave of morning sickness. As she felt her stomach contract pushing its contents from her, she wanted to cry. She had been upset all night and barely slept a wink. It was torture being mad at Elliot. Whenever she was feeling down, Elliot was the one she wanted to go to. His arms around her were a cure for almost anything. But when it was him she was upset with, she was entirely alone.

She pulled her hair back in a messy bun as she rested her face against the cool porcelain, remembering the last time she had been sick. Elliot made her chicken soup and snuggled her on the couch. When her fever climbed, he wet a washcloth with cool water and placed it in the freezer for a few minutes before wrapping it around the back of her neck. Her face hot and sweat dripping, she could really use that cool cloth about now.

When she figured there couldn't possibly be anything left for her stomach to expel, Olivia stood up slowly. The clock in the bedroom told her it was almost nine. Elliot was probably already at work and she wanted desperately to shower at home and change her clothes, so she decided to head back to the apartment.

* * *

Elliot woke up earlier than usual, not wanting to spend another minute in the empty apartment. If he was there, he knew Olivia wasn't, but if he went to work, he could imagine that she had come home. Knowing her, she was probably waiting for him to leave before coming back. They had work today, but he needed to talk to Cragen before Olivia got there so he left the apartment a little after seven.

Cragen wasn't in yet when Elliot arrived at the station. Neither were Munch and Fin. He sat at his desk and dove into the piles of paperwork that yesterday's situation had left for him, waiting for his captain to come in.

An hour later, Cragen entered the precinct, surveyed his squad room, and marched into his office. Elliot waited a few minutes to let the man get settled before he knocked swiftly on the captain's door.

"Come in." Cragen was looking in one of his desk drawers for a file and when he looked up and saw it was Elliot on the other side of his desk he gave a half smile. "What can I do for you, Stabler?"

He was shaking, but he had to get the words out. It would be hard, but it was the right thing to do. To protect Olivia and the baby the way he'd failed to do yesterday. "I, uh, I think I need a new partner, Cap."

* * *

 **A/N: Don't hate me, but do leave a review!**


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: Thank you so much for 300 reviews! I can't believe it.**

 **Here we go...**

* * *

"I, uh, I think I need a new partner, Cap."

Cragen looked up from his file and Elliot had never seen that particular expression on his captain before.

"Sit down," Cragen said, gesturing to one of the chairs across his desk. Along with Olivia, Elliot had occupied these chairs more times than he could count. They had always been a team, always covered for each other, but this time Elliot took his seat alone. Cragen closed the file and leaned back in his chair. He didn't speak, so Elliot knew he had to floor to explain himself.

"Liv," he started, but took a breath knowing that once he said the words, he could never take them back. Olivia might never forgive him, but that didn't matter to him as much as the safety of her and their child. His hands, resting on his knees, started fidgeting. "Liv is pregnant. She's just two months along so she didn't want to tell anyone yet, but after what happened yesterday…"

He trailed off, thinking the Captain would jump in, but there was just silence, so he started up again. "I just think that SVU is too dangerous for her now. I think she should transfer departments to one that's a little less… intense. So she and the baby stay safe. In which case, I guess I'm going to need a new partner in the field. I know Liv isn't officially my partner anymore, but still, we'll need some sort of replacement for her."

He was babbling at this point, but he was so afraid that he had made a mistake that he was over-talking. Digging his fingers into his flesh, he finally drew a breath. The heaviness of his words weighed down on him. Cragen's face, as always, gave nothing away. Knots twisted and tangled in Elliot's stomach while he waited for his boss to speak.

"Well, first things first. Congratulations," Cragen said. His words were not accompanied by a smile, but Elliot knew the man was happy for he and Olivia, especially Olivia. It was no secret that she wanted to be a mother. The sound of Cragen clearing his throat brought Elliot back to the moment. "It's department policy that pregnant women cannot be in the field, so even though I know Olivia won't be happy about it, I am going to have to pull her. However, she is far too valuable to SVU for me to send her to another department. And I have a feeling that there is no way Olivia would ever go for that. She will be on desk duty until it comes time for her maternity leave."

Elliot couldn't speak, the burn in his chest rising in his throat. It didn't matter because Cragen wasn't finished.

"I have to say, I am not very happy to see you here alone for this conversation. I can only imagine that you unveiled this plan of yours to Olivia and it didn't go very well." He lifted his hand, scratching his head. "She doesn't know you are here talking to me. Otherwise she never would have missed the opportunity to defend herself and argue her way out of this." A slight tilt of Elliot's head confirmed his theory. "Well it looks like the three of us have a difficult conversation ahead of us when she gets here."

* * *

When Olivia walked into the precinct, she sensed that something was off immediately. Elliot was at his desk, across from hers, but he didn't look up at her when she entered the squad room like he usually did. If he didn't want to talk to her, she didn't want to talk to him, Olivia decided. Her butt had barely touched the desk chair when Cragen's office door flew open and she heard the captain's deep voice, "Benson, Stabler, my office."

The door slammed shut behind the captain, but Elliot opened it and held it for Olivia to enter. They took their respective seats and Olivia could see that something was off with the captain. He probably knew that she and Elliot were in the midst of a fight and she braced herself for a speech about keeping personal relationships out of the squad room. But that wasn't what she heard.

"Detective Benson, it has been brought to my attention that you are pregnant. Is that true?"

Olivia's stomach dropped fifty feet. If there was anything left in her stomach after this morning's incident, she would have vomited right then and there. She turned to look at Elliot and saw him looking straight ahead at the captain. How could he do this to her? She had made it abundantly clear how she felt about waiting until the second trimester. How could he have that conversation with Cragen behind her back?

The Captain was waiting on her to speak but a lump in her throat prevented her. Resting her hand on her stomach she simply nodded her head.

"Congratulations, Olivia. But I think you know that I am going to have to put you on restricted duty. No going out in the field. Not under any circumstances. Until your maternity leave is over, you will be riding the desk."

"Cap-" she started.

"No. There is no room for argument here, Olivia. I want you and that baby to be safe."

Olivia could hear Elliot breathing heavily. He hadn't spoken a word, which was probably for the best. Olivia was a hairsbreadth away from losing her shit and his voice would be just the thing to push her over the edge. She nodded sharply and asked her captain, "Anything else? Or can I be excused? I think I'm going to be taking a personal day today."

Cragen gestured to the door, allowing her to leave. She stood up immediately and rushed from the room. Elliot's quick steps followed her. He caught up just outside of the squad room doors, reaching out for her shoulder. Elliot didn't think that a turn could be angry, but Olivia proved him wrong.

"Don't you touch me, you son of a bitch!" She seethed, whipping around to face him.

"Liv-"

"No!" People were watching but Olivia wasn't derailed by their blatant stares. "I specifically asked you to keep the pregnancy between us until I was ready and you rat me out to the captain. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I-"

"I can't even look at you right now."

He knew she would be upset, but he had to explain to her that he was doing this for her, for the baby. He tried to reach for her again, but she was gone. Looking around at everyone he was instantly reminded of their fight after he chose Olivia and Gitano killed Ryan.

Just like he had that day, Cragen came out in the hallway. "Back to work! Show's over!" He yelled.

Elliot moved past his captain and made his way through the precinct and up to the cribs, keeping his head down to avoid eye contact. He threw the locker room door open and slammed it shut before letting his fists loose on his locker. The full force of his anger was unleashed and he could hear the metal bend to the will of his fists. Skin tore, bone bruised, but nothing hurt. Physical pain couldn't register when his heart was screaming in agony.

Olivia was mad. She was so mad. But he knew that underneath all of that anger she felt hurt and betrayed. Two emotions he never wanted to elicit in her. How had everything gotten so screwed up? All he wanted to do was to protect Olivia. He was the man. He was supposed to be there for her and to keep her safe and he had failed. They weren't even partners anymore so he knew he wouldn't always be around to look out for her. In his head, the only solution had been to take her out of the line of fire completely. If he lost her and the baby, he didn't know if he could survive it.

His fists were becoming tired, moving slower, but still connecting with his locker door. He wondered if he might lose Olivia anyway. He had never seen her this upset and there was a good chance she might return to her old ways and disappear. Last time she left, she took his heart with her. This time, she would also be taking his child.

So caught in his thoughts, Elliot hadn't noticed the red smears all over the locker. He saw them now and brought his hands to his sides, leaning forward to rest his head against the cool metal. Brought back to the present, he could finally feel the burning, twisting pain of his fists. "FUCK!" He cried out. The lockers echoed.

Whenever a case or a perp or problems at home with Kathy and the kids had driven him to this point, Olivia was always there to clean up the mess. She would lead him into the cribs and sit down next to him. She'd clean his wounds and bandage him up. But now he was alone. And just like the bloody pulps of his hands were his own fault, so was the fact that Olivia wouldn't be tending to them.

* * *

After leaving the precinct, Olivia headed straight home to pack a bag. Even though she despised desk duty, that wasn't what made her blood boil. It was Elliot's betrayal. Elliot was a lot of things, but a liar had never been one of them. He was always honest with Olivia and that was a large part of the reason she fell so in love with him. This was the first time in their personal relationship that he had broken a direct promise to her.

Tearing through the apartment, she grabbed whatever articles of clothing she could find and tossed them haphazardly into the open suitcase at the foot of the bed. Moving into the bathroom, Olivia opened the medicine cabinet to grab enough of the essentials to get her through a few days at the hotel, when she saw them.

Between the band-aids and the antacid were her prenatal vitamins. She closed the cabinet door and brought her hands to either side of the sink. The stark reminder of the child inside of her gave Olivia a minute's pause. Her anger finally gave way to tears. Looking down to avoid her reflection, Olivia caught sight of the beautiful diamond that lived on her left ring finger and she choked back a sob.

It wasn't a heavy stone, but it was enough to keep her rooted to this place, this man. She couldn't run. It was difficult to remember in a haze of anger, but she loved Elliot and the promise she made when he put that ring on her finger was one she intended to keep. Elliot had crossed the line, there was no doubt, but that didn't give her a license to run. Never having been in a relationship with this much love and commitment, it was all new to Olivia, but she was learning. Her motivation was higher than ever now that there was a baby in the picture.

Olivia pushed off of the sink and made her way back into the bedroom. She slipped under the covers and pulled them up to her chin. Her tears soaked the pillowcase as they fell from her cheeks and finally let go, releasing everything through the sobs that wracked her body. It was all too much and Olivia had never been good with emotions, but the pregnancy hormones were determined to draw every last tear from her body.

In just minutes, her entire being drained, she fell asleep.

* * *

 **Don't forget to leave a review.**


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: A short chapter to tide you over on this story since I have a lot going on right now. Work, two other stories, other writing projects outside of FF, moving, etc.**

* * *

The days were getting longer as the summer solstice neared, but when Olivia woke up, it was dark out. She rolled over in bed, looking for Elliot, forgetting about their fight in the haze of sleep. When she saw his empty spot it hit her and she could feel her eyes begin to water. Fighting wasn't going to get them anywhere. She was angry, yes, but more than yelling at him, Olivia just wanted to explain how hurt she was by actions.

As she sat up and took in her surroundings, she heard the low hum of the television. His kids all had keys and sometimes dropped in randomly, but Olivia knew it was Elliot. She made her way to the bathroom to wash up and when she was rinsing her hands in the sink, she flashed back to her earlier breakdown.

She felt herself begin to tremble, but she held it together, splashing water on her face. Just then she heard a very light knock at the bathroom door. "Liv?"

The first thing Olivia noticed when she opened the door were Elliot's bandaged hands. She reached for them and cradled them in hers. She didn't have to ask what happened. She had seen Elliot take out his frustrations on his locker many times. His hands had to sting, but Elliot didn't look like he was in too much pain. At least not physically. Bringing her eyes up, she saw a look of questioning. Elliot was surprised to feel her touch after the last words she had said to him.

"We need to talk," Olivia said with a soft voice, making sure Elliot knew she didn't want to fight anymore.

"We do." Their hands still holding each other, they walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge of it.

Elliot cleared his throat before speaking, "I'm sorry, Liv. I never meant to hurt you. I wasn't thinking. The idea of something happening to you or our baby drove me out of my mind. All I wanted was to keep you both safe and I still want that. I think you should be on desk duty, but I know I shouldn't have gone behind your back to Cragen. That was a really shitty thing for me to do."

Olivia looked down at the floor. "And you shouldn't have blamed me for what happened with Sophie," she whispered.

"You're right. I shouldn't have. I was so upset with myself for not being there and I took it out on you. I was wrong."

Elliot tucked his hand under her chin, turning her face to his. He noticed the tears in her eyes and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Tell me, Liv," he whispered against her skin, knowing there was something else she wasn't saying.

"Cragen is the closest thing to a father that I have ever known. What happened today… It was nothing like the way I pictured telling him that I was pregnant. You took that moment from me and I… It just really hurt me."

Elliot pulled Olivia into his body, running his hands through the soft strands of her hair. "I'm so sorry, baby." He kissed the top of her head. "I'm so sorry that I broke my promise to you. I hope you can forgive me."

Olivia sniffled, wiping her eyes on his shirt. "I stayed at a hotel last night and between then and now I did a lot of thinking. There is nothing I wouldn't do for our baby," she said, dropping her hand to her stomach. "I don't like desk duty but our baby is worth it. I know that you just want to keep us safe but I need you to talk to me, Elliot. Not go behind my back."

"I won't. I promise. I can't apologize enough." With his bandaged hands, he cupped her face and kissed her lips gently. Pulling back, he locked his eyes with hers. "I, uh, I see your suitcase down there," he nodded in the direction of the end of the bed. "Are you planning on going back to the hotel for a few days?" He wasn't even trying to hide the apprehension in his voice.

"I was going to," Olivia said, wanting to be honest so that he knew how far he had pushed her. "But I didn't want to break the promise I made when you put this ring on my finger." With her left thumb, she twirled the family heirloom around and around in circles.

"You're not running?" Elliot seemed surprised and Olivia couldn't say she blamed him. It was her MO to disappear when things got "complicated."

"No more running," she said, shaking her head. "I want us to work through things. You told me a long time ago that you needed to feel like you could be honest with me without sacrificing our partnership. I want the same thing for this relationship. We need to be able to talk through things that hurt and share our feelings with each other, without being afraid that the other person is going to leave."

Her fingers are playing absentmindedly with the buttons on his shirt when Elliot places his bandaged hands over them. "That's exactly what I want, too. I love you so much, Olivia. I know you think you aren't good at relationships and that you will screw everything up, but that's just not true. I'm the one who screwed up this time and you… Everything you just said… You're better at this than you think you are."

"Well, in the spirit of being honest," she said, removing one hand from Elliot's and brushing the hair out of her face. "I need you to know that I don't forgive you. Yet. But I'm working on it."

Elliot nodded. "That's the most I can ask for."

She had just placed her hand over her stomach when she felt Elliot's come to rest on top of hers. Intertwining their fingers, they stroked the little life that was growing just underneath Olivia's skin.

"What if we do something special when we tell the guys? We should probably do that soon because they're going to wonder why you're chained to the desk. Maybe we can have Cragen be there when we tell them. That way it will be like you get a do-over. And I swear we will wait until you're ready to tell the kids and we can do it however you'd like, baby." His eyes were twinkling; he was proud of his bright idea.

"That's very sweet, Elliot." Olivia squeezed his fingers between hers.

"I just want you to be happy. I hate myself for hurting you."

"I could tell," she looked down at his hands.

Elliot laughed. "It's not as fun when you aren't there to tend to my wounds." Fin had cleaned and bandaged them for him without asking any questions. He and Munch had been out on a case when Olivia had screamed about her pregnancy, but with the way news got around, it wouldn't be long until they found out. "We should probably tell the guys first thing tomorrow. After our little screaming match, the whole precinct probably knows about the baby. We should try to get to them before they hear it through the grapevine."

"Mmmm," Olivia said, remembering her outburst. "I have no one to blame but myself for that one… Or I guess I could blame you for getting me so angry that I reacted like that." She winked so Elliot knew she was just teasing. He placed a kiss on her cheek.

"I love you, baby." He moved his mouth to her lips and kissed her passionately. Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck while he moved his to circle her waist.

After a minute or so, Olivia pulled back and looked him in the eye. "I love you, too. Always."

* * *

 **Please drop me a review. :)**


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: I'm back. It's short, but not for the faint of heart.**

* * *

"One more week, baby," Elliot smiled, stroking her arm. It was late morning on a Saturday, Elliot's first one off in weeks, and they were spooning in bed. Since Olivia was put on desk duty, she was working nine-to-five. To make up for her absence on active duty, Elliot's hours were all over the place, leaving them barely any time alone together. Knowing he had today off, they had planned in advance to spend the entire day in bed together. There were a few ongoing cases, but given the amount of overtime Elliot had worked lately, he wouldn't get called in unless there was an all-hands-on-deck situation. "How are you feeling?"

Olivia was eleven weeks along now and her pregnancy seemed to be progressing well. She had undergone some initial blood-testing a few weeks ago and everything came back looking normal. Her first ultrasound was scheduled for the upcoming Friday morning and she would finally get to hear her baby's heartbeat for the first time. Once she heard that steady whirring she would finally be able to relax into her pregnancy. "I don't know, El," she answered, wriggling backwards, melding her body further into his.

"Okay," he breathed, his warm exhale tickling her neck. "Can I tell you how I'm feeling?"

"Of course." She slipped her fingers between his and squeezed.

"I can't wait." She heard his smile.

"El you've done this four times before. This time isn't going to be any different." She thought she had mastered just the right tone of voice to hide her concerns in a sarcastic comment, but Elliot saw through her.

"And every time is just as amazing as this last. Plus, this is my first time going through this with you. It's going to be amazing. We're going to hear our baby's tiny heart beating. We're going to see him or her moving around inside you. It's… There are no words."

Olivia took a deep breath and as she felt her body expand and contract, she wondered if her baby could feel it too. She moved her hand that was intertwined with Elliot's from across her chest down to her stomach. Touching her soft skin and thinking about the tiny life in there would never get old. It was an experience that Olivia had been so sure she would never get to have. Now that she had been blessed with it, she was never going to take a moment of it for granted.

Under her breath she whispered, "I can't wait either."

Elliot leaned forward and placed a wet kiss on her neck. "I love you."

Olivia turned around in his arms to kiss him on the lips. "I love you, too," she whispered into his mouth.

They laid there in silence for a few minutes, kissing heated skin and rubbing smooth bodies. Elliot could feel himself getting worked up and just as he went to slide inside of her, Olivia pulled back.

"I've thought about it a lot, El, and I don't want to make it a whole big thing when we tell the kids. Let's just have a family dinner that night and we'll share the news. Rip the band-aid off."

Elliot let out a sigh. This woman was incredibly infuriating, but he loved her even more for it. "You make it sound like it's going to be torture, Olivia. It's going to be great. I know that they are going to be excited about their new little sibling. Especially Eli. I think he'll love being a big brother. But I promised you we would do it your way. A quiet family dinner sounds perfect."

Olivia brought one finger up to Elliot's face, rubbing it along his jaw, feeling the rough five o'clock shadow that had collected due to his hectic work schedule. "If I haven't told you before, I really appreciate how excited you are about this baby. I know that sometimes I get very doom and gloom and it's good that you don't give in to me and all my fears and anxieties. You always remind me that it's going to be okay. That this is supposed to be the happiest time of my life. That it's okay to be happy. Thank you."

"Always, baby." He captured her lips with his and slipped his tongue inside of her mouth. Elliot nudged one of his legs between hers, knocking them apart, so he could lie in between them. "Anything else you want to share, Detective Benson? Now would be the time to do it before I am inside of you."

Olivia cocked her head to the side and looked off into the distance like she was deep in thought. "Yeah, why does Munch always try to make coffee when he knows he sucks at it?"

The look on Elliot's face caused Olivia to burst out laughing, turning her head to the side and burying her face in the pillow to muffle the sounds of her giggles.

"You think that's funny?" Elliot growled, diving down and attaching his lips to her neck, biting the skin there while tickling her sides, causing her to convulse.

"Okay, I'm sorry! I surrender!" She squealed.

As she felt Elliot finally slip inside of her, she realized that despite her concerns, this really was the happiest time of her life.

* * *

Almost as soon as Elliot rolled off of her, kissing her lips one last time, Olivia felt it. She really had to pee. She hobbled naked to the bathroom and turned on the shower, letting it warm up while she sat on the toilet. There was a slight sting when she peed, but she didn't think too deeply about it until she wiped. There were faint red marks on the toilet paper and her breath hitched. "Elliot!" She shouted.

Elliot was in front of her, still naked, within seconds and if she wasn't so upset she would have laughed at the image of him running naked to the bathroom. Words failed her so she simply held up the toilet paper.

"Okay, Liv. It's okay," Elliot said, cupping her face with his right hand, his thumb caressing her cheek. "Remember the doctor said it's normal to have some spotting. It happens. It's okay, baby."

Olivia shook her head, "No, El. Something is wrong. Let's call the doctor."

Elliot leaned down and pressed a kiss on the crown of her head. "Why don't you take your shower and get cleaned up and I'll call the doctor and see if she can squeeze us in last minute?"

Olivia nodded, tentatively, and flushed the toilet, watching the red-tinged liquid slip down the bowl. She pulled back the shower curtain and stepped under the warm spray. The bathroom door shut behind Elliot. After taking a few calming breaths and letting the steam seep into her skin she tried to take an inventory. Did anything feel different? Her stomach hurt, but she was sure that was just from nerves. The doctor had said that spotting was normal in the first trimester and even though it was almost over, she still wasn't completely out of the woods.

That meant she wasn't completely out of the miscarriage woods yet, either. It was something Olivia couldn't even think about. If she lost this baby, she didn't think she could come back from it. She hadn't forgotten how hard it had been for her to overcome her biggest fears to embrace her greatest desire. It was everything she had ever wanted. Elliot. A child. It would kill her to lose the little life she had already fallen completely in love with. It would kill her if she wasn't able to give Elliot a child, especially since Kathy had already given him five perfect ones.

A sharp cramp tore through her body just then and Olivia hunched over in pain. She looked down and the water that was pooling in the tub was pink. Trembling, she wrapped one arm around herself while she brought her other hand to her center. When she pulled it back and saw the blood, she nearly fainted.

* * *

 **I've been very emo lately. I'm sorry for dragging you down with me. Please review.**


	37. Chapter 37

I have no excuse except that life and writer's block and senior year of college all got in the way. Shoutout to the people who kept me motivated and inspired and checked in with me over this extensive hiatus. Special mention goes to ughthisbitch :)

This is a short chapter (there will be a second part of it coming soon) but I figured you all have waited long enough to find out the fate of Baby Bensler.

Again, thank you so much and I love you all!

* * *

The sounds of machines beeping around her and the goosebumps she could feel on the skin not covered by her hospital gown told her that she was alive. That life was going on. But until she knew that her baby was okay, she was suspended in time. A drop of water clinging onto the cold metal of the faucet, just waiting to fall into the abyss.

Elliot was sitting next to her, whispering that it would all be okay and other platitudes that did nothing to reassure her. He had barely let go of her hand since he helped her into the car to bring her to the hospital.

The fingers of her free hand played absent-mindedly with a loose thread on the light blue gown that covered her, yet left her feeling more vulnerable and exposed than if she had been naked. The lump that sat in her throat prevented her from forming words, but there were none to be said. She couldn't bring her eyes to rest on her stomach so instead she followed the nurses as they walked up and down the halls, carrying silver clipboards that held results that would change people's lives forever.

She'd been to the hospital hundreds of times with victims or members of her squad, and even on her own a handful of times. But as she slowly inhaled the sterile air through her nose and blew it slowly out her mouth, she remembered one time in particular.

When she drank, Serena Benson got nasty. On that night, a thirteen-year-old Olivia had approached her mother, who was halfway into a bottle of scotch. A simple request to attend a friend's sleepover party had ended with Olivia hiding under her covers, sobbing, as her mother's words, _ungrateful little slut_ , echoed in her ears. As she felt the sheets beneath her grow cold with her tears, her breath catching in her throat, she heard the deafening crack.

The nurses had promised her that her mother would be fine, that she was just resting. But Olivia couldn't bring herself to believe them. From what she could gather, her mom was in fact okay, but Olivia couldn't shake the feeling that something had changed. It weighed her down, pulling deep in her gut, and though her mother did wake up and things did go back to normal, or as normal as they ever were under Serena Benson's roof, she never forgot that feeling. It was the same one that crashed over her in waves the moment Cragen told her of her mother's death. And sitting on the stiff mattress waiting to hear the results of her own tests it had found her once more.

The events of that morning, the laughing and cuddling and making love, all felt so far away. She didn't know if life would ever be like that again. Happy. Of course it wouldn't last. Couldn't last. She was Olivia Benson, after all, and Olivia Benson didn't get to be happy. Every second that went by she swore she could feel the life draining from her. If it was good news, surely it wouldn't take this long.

As soon as they arrived to the ER and explained her situation, she had been moved to a private room. A blonde nurse _Ashley? Ally? Amy?_ had taken her blood. She had smiled softly and told Olivia not to worry until they knew anything for certain. If she hadn't been so numb, she would have slapped the bitch.

The minutes ticked by, Elliot's breath keeping time for her. He was exhaling his 139th breath, broad shoulders shaking with his own uncertainty, when Dr. Stone, who had rushed to the hospital after Elliot's frantic calls, rapped at the door twice before entering. Her blue eyes settled on Olivia and she walked over to the foot of the bed, clutching her clipboard tightly. After what felt like an unending silence, she opened her mouth. "Everything looks good, Mommy," she said, smiling gently.

The words hung in the air for a few seconds, the partners in disbelief. Olivia could feel the warm pathways of her tears as they slipped down her face. "I…I…" Elliot squeezed her hand tighter.

"You're okay, Olivia. The baby is okay. I want to do an ultrasound, but your bloodwork is clear."

"I...I…" Her heart had come back to life, beating out of her chest. Her throat was dry, its moisture replaced by her armpits. She turned slowly to face Elliot, unable to process anything she was hearing. Her baby was okay. But… but she had been so sure.

"What happened, doctor?" Elliot asked, giving voice to the words that were lost somewhere deep inside her. Olivia's gaze settled on her lap, where she could see her hand and Elliot's, fingers intertwined. For the first time, she squeezed back.

"During pregnancy, there is greater blood flow to the cervix," Dr. Stone explained. "As you said, you had just had intercourse right before Olivia started bleeding. This kind of contact with the cervix can trigger bleeding and some cramping. There's usually no cause for concern when the bleeding is caused by this- sex during pregnancy is very safe and healthy- but we can never be too sure. It's good that you came in."

Lifting her free hand finally to her stomach, Olivia unclenched her fingers and spread them out one by one over her nonexistent baby bump. Her little peanut was still in there. She- the partners had been bickering all week over their baby's sex- was safe and snug inside her belly. "I…" She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath, feeling the cool, stale air fill her chest. "Th-thank you."

"Oh, Olivia," Dr. Stone breathed. "You're very welcome, but I didn't do anything… I know it's just a little bit earlier than we expected, but what do you say we get a look at your baby, hmm?"

"Yes!" Olivia answered, shaking her head violently, the most movement she'd been able to muster since Elliot picked her up off the shower floor. She could feel her limbs becoming lighter, her body regaining control.

The doctor left, explaining she would give them a few minutes alone and send an ultrasound tech in to give them their first look at their baby. When it was just the two of them once more, Elliot reached behind her to fluff up her pillows, leaning in to press a kiss on her cheek.

"You're okay, Liv. Both of you," he whispered into her ear. Despite staying calm for her, she knew that he was releasing his own tensions and fears. He brought their joined hands to meet the one that was already resting on Olivia's stomach.

"I… I just need to see her." She believed Dr. Stone. There was no reason for her to lie. No hidden agenda, no master conspiracy. But she had never needed anything more than she needed to hear her baby's heartbeat in that moment. It would prove to her that she hadn't failed as a mother already.

"Or him," Elliot teased, kissing the sensitive skin behind her ear, sending a shiver down her spine. He knew it was her favorite spot and that made her smile.

"It's a girl," she said firmly, her thumb lazily caressing her stomach.

"Whatever you say, Mommy." He placed a few kisses at the edge of her hairline, his stubble tickling her skin.

"She's a girl." Of course she would be happy either way, but there was something about the idea of a little girl that she just couldn't let go of.

Elliot reached up to tuck the hair out of her face, his hand sliding down to cradle her skull and they caught each other's eyes. Staring into the depths of his blue pools, she wondered if their daughter would have his eyes. It still felt surreal to her that she was having his child.

Just the other day she was sitting on the couch, her socked feet resting on the coffee table, much to Elliot's dismay. She had been surprised to learn that he was actually a little bit of a clean freak. After twelve years, she thought she knew everything about him.

As Wheel of Fortune played quietly in the background, she watched his large form move about the kitchen, making her dinner. For a moment, it was as though she was watching the scene play out on a big movie screen. She was half-expecting the picture to disappear and the lights to come back up, but just then Elliot turned around and smiled at her.

"We're having a baby," she said.

"We are," Elliot nodded in agreement.

"That's pretty cool."

"The coolest."


End file.
